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Why can't I enjoy new starts to relationships, why do I panic?

(3 Posts)
thesesweets3 Mon 22-Jun-15 17:07:24

I am seeking advice on how I can be a stronger, more self assured and relaxed person in a relationship.

I ended a serious relationship in March, which took some guts for me as I am a very insecure person and blamed myself for what was wrong between us, when looking back now I can see that I should have walked away sooner, and that none of it was my fault. It's made me a stronger person and more sure of what I want in someone.

I recently started dating again and have been flattered and surprised with the interest I have had. I've met someone lovely, and I honestly anticipated having a long while to wait before I met someone 'special' as it generally takes me a long time to find someone I properly click with. So my feelings for this man have come somewhat as a surprise for me. In fact, he has pushed things forward and been very caring towards me. We spend most nights chatting and when I see him my attraction to him grows steadily... I didn't meet him and think 'wow' initially.

Anyway - the problem:
He has a busy job and is extremely successful. I have a successful career and in that way I am also quite independent. We match in that respect. However, I feel that at times I need more attention from him, and I know this is silly because when we speak he is always checking I am ok and is so polite and caring towards me, tells me I'm fabulous etc etc and in his own way often seems worried that I have lost interest, and I remind him that I feel the same way about him as he says he does for me.... But in the time when we aren't talking or he is extra busy, I start to panic and wonder if he has lost interest and so on. I don't know why this is as I have no reason to doubt him, and my self-confidence has grown a lot since I ended things with exDP. It seems a silly way to behave considering how career driven I am, and nobody at work would think i had these thoughts in my private life. BUT, all my previous relationships have started this way - how do I stop it and just enjoy this time?

Cabrinha Mon 22-Jun-15 17:15:28

I know not of which I speak... but I know that CBT is supposed to help with intrusive thoughts. I'm not suggesting you need full on counselling - but worth googling for techniques you can try on your own?

I'm awful for "worst case scenario" thoughts. I try not to block them - just indulge myself for 2 minutes, and remind myself that yes it's possible, but really the least likely option. I bash myself over the head with rationality grin

Zillie77 Mon 22-Jun-15 17:17:48

This is the shadow side of the excitement and thrills of a new relationship; the insecurity and worry once you begin to really like someone but are not quite sure if the relationship will last. I don't have any advice, I just remember what that is like and I do not envy you. I wouldn't trade my long-term relationship for a new one for anything, for lots of reasons including the beginning jitters.

Good luck and do your best to enjoy it-it sounds like you really like each other!

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