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Possible relationship - scared!

(8 Posts)
jani64 Sun 21-Jun-15 21:58:24

Hi, I am really hoping for some useful advice.

Last summer I finally left my marriage of over 26 years - things had not been going well for some time. It has been a really difficult 10 months but I do feel happier and more in control of my life. My career has been going well since the split. This is partly because I initially concentrated on work to distract myself from everything else but in the past few months I think my work is more productive because I feel more relaxed. Also, I hope to be able to move out of rented accommodation into a v small house of my own fairly soon.

The long term "plan" was that I would get a house + cat and would then try online dating once I was properly settled.

The issue is that in the last few weeks I have started to get close to a colleague. He is in a similar situation to me - separated - temporary accommodation. I really like him and enjoy chatting to him and can see where things could be heading BUT whenever we start to get to a certain closeness emotionally I can feel myself pushing him away. To be frank, I am scared that if we have a relationship and things go wrong then I will be as fragile as I was last summer and won't have work as a refuge.

He has gone away for work for a few days which gives me some thinking space.

Advice appreciated!

abbykins3 Sun 21-Jun-15 22:08:45

I think you know already Jani.

If things go wrong.



Handywoman Sun 21-Jun-15 22:40:01

To me it sounds like your instincts are right - protect yourself - steer clear of a romantic relationship with this work colleague.

Donatello68 Sun 21-Jun-15 22:54:13

I think that you should give your self time to get your life back. You were married for such a long time.

If it goes pear shaped with a colleague, it will make things difficult at work.

UpNorthAgain Sun 21-Jun-15 23:11:20

Give yourself a month of recovery for every year you were in the relationship. Honestly, it takes ages to get over the end of a LTR. I was married for eighteen years, and with XH for over twenty. It took a good two and a half years before I felt anywhere ready to look for someone else wine

ShabbyNat Sun 21-Jun-15 23:18:43

Do you feel properly settled yet??
Do you think you are pushing him away because on some deeper level you know you are not ready for any sort of relationship yet??
I know I am almost certainly talking rubbish, but if those 2 questions ring any sort of bells, IMO you are not ready & you need to carry on with your original plan.

jani64 Sun 21-Jun-15 23:22:42

Thank you all for your thoughts. I think you are probably all saying what I know myself - I am not really ready for a relationship yet and the consequences if it goes wrong are too difficult.

Just not sure how to deal with him when he is back .... and he is such a nice man.

goddessofsmallthings Mon 22-Jun-15 00:25:02

Tell him how you feel; he may be feeling the same and there's no reason why you can't be friends, is there?

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