Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Great New Man but Not Keen on his Hobbies/Lifestyle(100 Posts)
Reading some of the posts on here, its hardly worth complaining about.
I've recently met a great new man, great chemistry after quite a few dates followed by (excellent sex) and I'm pretty sure its heading towards exclusivity. But its also become apparent that he has a very healthy lifestyle. That's great. But its verging on what I think its the obsessive. He is vegan, training to be a yogi, won't eat fat, sugar, and a whole list of perfectly normal foods and seems a bit over-invested in his admittedly very handsome appearance and figure. He doesn't work (because he is training to be a yoga instructor) so spends most of his time doing yoga, gym training and cooking (he goes to 3 different kinds of cookery classes).
To be honest, while I'm enjoying the benefits at the moment, I can see it getting a bit wearing long term. I'm wary of getting in too deep, as at the moment I could just walk away without being too overly emotionally invested. And the thought of a stringy yoga-tastic vegan in his fifties or sixties really doesn't appeal.
Would anyone else feel the same way? Am I being ridiculously picky? I think I'm also a bit wary because he tries very hard to come across as a decent guy, being seen as doing the right thing by not leading on women (that's why he says he is single), and he certainly seems very into me, but he is also very attractive and seems to have a lot of women hanging onto his every word when we bump into people he knows.
i dont think theres much danger of you getting in too deep with such a mismatch of interests. It sounds like a bit of fun. Enjoy
Personally (and apologies to any vegans on here ) I've always thought it would be difficult for me to be close to a vegan, as you can't just 'pop in' to a cafe for a cuppa and a cake, or a late breakfast, or a cheap and cheerful pub meal without scouring the menu, etc. Then there are meals at friends houses (who might not necessarily have a good understanding of what can/can't have) or parties, or when groups you are in have a BBQ or bring and share meal.
That said, I acknowledge that's probably my issue
With all relationships, you always have to balance all the positive things, against all the things you find a bit off putting and see where that takes you. The 'over-invested in what he looks like' bit doesn't sound an attractive quality either. Does he make you laugh? You you have shared interests? I wouldn't over analyse everything at the moment - if you are enjoying your dates / his company, then see where it goes, surely ?
yep, don't get in too deep, Op! he needs a similarly yoga-focussed woman and it'd be total harmony, 'normal' women would either get bored or end up feeling inadequate, thankfully yoir self-esteem sounds just fine, so that the 'bored' route for you!
Would he be able to be as carefree and relaxed when he starts working as yoga teacher?
Is he perhaps playing the role of the person he wants to be and isn't? Only time will tell!
Hey, as a vegan woman I take umbrage at the suggestion that I can't pop out to eat places - there's always soy coffee or fried breakfast minus bacon or salad without the cheese sorts of options
However, in your situation op I would tread carefully. He sounds like fun but not a life partner for you.
What have you don't in your dates so far? Dh and I always had a meal or drinks and that would have been rather restrictive. But obviously you're managing to date without food issues or going for drinks. I guess it depends on you. If you like a roast and glass of red like we do it'd be sad to never share that but if you're not fussed then it'd be fine.
He sounds fabulous. 'Stringy vegan'? Yoga people aren't all skinny - they can be muscular, and are very strong.
Chances are, he'll convert you, and you'll be a happy, yoga-loving vegan.
Veganism is on the rise, Back - it's getting easier to eat out, more people understand it now so eating at friends' houses isn't an issue either.
How does he try very hard to come across as a decent guy? Or is he, perhaps, just actually, a decent guy?
Bottom line though, if he's not for you, he's not for you - let him go to find someone who would appreciate such a man.
I'm vegetarian and do yoga myself and we met through (another) shared interest! But its true BackForGood, there are all sorts of things he "isn't keen on doing", and we mainly have to eat in because he "isn't keen" on a lot of food served in restaurants. Ditto cafes and the coffee they serve. He does seem to analyse every bit of food that passes his lips. I eat a healthy diet myself, but not every single moment of every day!
I wonder whether his tastes are due to some kind of anxiety, which he might be able to relax a bit. Or maybe he might relax a bit in general. But then I don't want to get into this battle of changing him!
antimatter Is he perhaps playing the role of the person he wants to be and isn't? Only time will tell!
I thought about that too.
museumum What have you don't in your dates so far?
Well, I realise now he has been doing things he would rather not do (like going for a drink when he doesn't drink) or for a meal, that he would rather not do.
HaveIGotViewsForYou How does he try very hard to come across as a decent guy? Or is he, perhaps, just actually, a decent guy?
Very hard. He says past relationships have been ended by him because he didn't want to let the woman down. But that might be because he seems to get a lot of female attention and he is used to putting them off?
It all sounds very worthy.
What's funding his lifestyle?
His reason for ending relationships sound good enough to me. From what you have written, to my mind, he sounds great. Just perhaps not a match for you.
And he is making an effort re the drinks and meals out - for you. I'd say that's pretty nice, no?
JeanSeberg What's funding his lifestyle?
Inheritance. He doesn't work at present and owns his house outright. He's got two degrees and has had various jobs but is planning to become a yoga teacher.
I was starving the other day and pulled a Mars Bar out of my handbag to eat, and he was horrified! I didn't eat it...
I'd be more worried about the fact he is not working than anything else you describe. I am fed up of meeting men who are living on thin air. Exh hasn't worked for 10 years and another ex is 'semi-retired' aka wheeling and dealing. What is he living on op?
As a yogi and vegan maybe his outgoings are fewer than the rest of the population but even so.
you see OP, he will end up controlling your tastes, I'd hate that. Horrified at one Mars bar! what a bore, life's too short to be obsessive about small things. He needs someone like-minded.
he was horrified! I didn't eat it...
In the words of that little nodding dog, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Why did you not eat it
How is it obsessive to be horrified about the dairy industry?
O lordy, this one would have me
piling Fray Bentos steak & kidney pies on his shelves running a mile and not as a means of getting fitter.
Does he practise his yoga exercises in front of a mirror?
I know a guy like him... he has always had an unusual number of female devotees
vying to be Mrs Yogi hanging on his every word and those he's chosen to be 'the one' have been short lived.
If you're up for tantric sex you may learn something; otherwise expect to get
binned burned if you become overly emotionally invested in him.
I would dump anyone who tried to come between me and chocolate
goddess I know a guy like him... he has always had an unusual number of female devotees vying to be Mrs Yogi hanging on his every word and those he's chosen to be 'the one' have been short lived.
Possibly. I don't know why I have doubts. Nothing he does it terribly bad. He's very good looking and the chemistry is amazing.
I just have this mental image of that guy in the Eric Prydz video meeting up with Mrs Yogi after the class
I have a sudden urge to eat a burger.
There are few things more tedious than listening to someone bore on about their lifestyle choices. If you want to be carnivorous/live off whiskey and fags/be veggie/vegan/raw fruitarian then good on you - just don't assume the rest of the world needs 'educating' about it, and don't start blathering on about toxins. Half of Asia manages to be happily veggie without making their friends want to poke their own eyes out with a blunt carrot.
He sounds incredibly pretentious. If he's horrified at you scoffing a mars bar, imagine the rest of your life.
Run for the hills.
You don't sound compatible. And yes...here comes the red flag... why didn't you eat that Mars Bar!?! Control - it has started - and you modified your (perfectly reasonable) behviour because of his reaction. Yikes! Sounds like the thin end of that particular tofu wedge.
p.s. I don't think he's single because he lets the women down gently, I think he's single because they get fed up of him being controlling and gradually narrowing their activities because of the number of things he is 'not keen on doing'.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now »
Already registered? Log in with:
Please login first.