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Left feeling very confused.(5 Posts)
Hi first thread, kind of a long winded post....
A guy (33 years old) I've been working with for aprox 2 years has been giving me an extremely hard time and I just dont know why or how to deal with it anymore.
When we first met he was so kind and funny and clearly was fond of me and I really liked him too. However after a while when a few other men and I began speaking and being friendly and they took a liking to me he didn't like it at all. He then began to spread mean rumors about me being over flirtatious with men silly things like that. After a while I began seeing someone he worked close to and he kept prying, commenting and generally getting involved in our relationship for no given reasons. I was so confused until it got to a point where I was upset and ignored him. All around these times he would go to everyone and anyone and make comments about me and just slandering my name and anytime I would come around he would purposely exclude me from things, turn people against me and sensationalize things to make me look like im a horrible person. All the while he would still be trying to catch glances of me whenever he could and asking colleagues about me and what I was doing. I've now just left the job and am moving on to something else but I am left feeling confused and hurt as I've never experienced such behaviour from a man before in my life. I really became depressed during this time due to feeling worthless and bullied. Does anyone have any input on how I can put closure to this situation. I want to move on but I cant help but have the situations I've been going through go round and round in my head since leaving.
What you've described is harassment in the workplace - did you not able to complain to a line manager/team leader/HR or similar? If he was your boss his behaviour also constituted bullying and if you felt your only option was to resign, you may have had a case for constructive dismissal.
This man was clearly fixated on you and became jealous when he realised that he would never be the object of your affections. Far from being worthless, you're worth 10 of him and he knew it.
The best way to gain some perspective, if not closure, will be to flourish in your new job and turn this negative experience into a positive by being alert to any sign of similar behaviour towards you or any other member of staff by one of your new colleagues and taking the appropriate action to nip it in the bud early.
Good luck in your new role - the chances of a similar situation happening again are slim but don't hesitate to call the police if the man who caused you so much distress in your last job 'follows' you in any way.
I went to HR and tried to make a complaint but saw that what I was saying was not being taken seriously at all. I was met with "this dosent sound like something he would do" and looks of doubt when trying to explain myself which in itself was so hurtful so I just decided to leave and move on.
I think you're right I hopefully will forget about the situation once I've started my new job but I cant help but go back and think about everything that happened and feel absolutely gobsmacked!
Many years ago I worked with 'Bob'. He behaved like that. The owner of the business also thought that I was being unreasonable as Bob wouldn't do that!
Then Bob was inappropriate with a client's wife. Boss decided that she had come on to Bob and been refused.
Then Bob groped at me in front of the boss, who laughed, until I slapped Bob and, in tears, shouted how disgusted I was, had never encouraged him, was sick to death of him and wanted him to stay as far away from me as was humanly possible.
Boss asked me to apologise!!!!
I met Bob again, many moons later, in a friends pub. He made a comment and I replied that I would slap him, just as I had many years ago, if he didn't take his disgusting self away from me. His wife proclaimed loudly that I 'must have mental issues'. My friend banned them both.
Sometimes people act in the weirdest of manners. You just have to make sure that they don't turn their problems into your.
So delete him from memory. Enjoy the new job
It's shameful that HR took the view they did but rest assured they'll get their comeuppance, as will he, if he subjects another staff member to the same type of harassment he meted out to you.
Life's a learning curve and your unfortunate experience is one for the memory bank which will enable you to draw on it should anything similar occur again.
It's easier to see things with hindsight but it can give us the advantage of foresight.
What doesn't break us, makes us stronger and I have no doubt you'll flourish in your new job.
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