I'm over thinking but I need to respond to this text

[AdventureBe]

I came close to having an EA with a colleague many years ago. We realised a bit belatedly that we were closer than our OH's would be happy with and cut contact right back. His DW particularly was a bit suspicious, probably rightly so.

We don't work together now and only see each other during the football season, never alone. I still count him as a good friend and will occasionally text with news in between times, but always one off short messages, never long ping pong conversations (anymore). i.e yippee I got the job or DS1 was picked for the team.

When writing my messages I check with myself that there's nothing he couldn't show his wife, which shouldn't be necessary but it once was.

Anyway he's text today to wish me a Happy Birthday. Quite a long gushy message but nothing overly personal. My automatic response is to text back "X" and leave it at that. A bit friendlier than a curt "thanks" but doesn't start a conversation.

But what would his wife think if she saw a text message that is a single X, from a old suspected OW?

I can't not respond. He'd worry that I was dead and that wouldn't be fair.

[underyourown]

Just say thank you.

Would you like it if your DH received a text with 'x' on it?

[MissDexter]

Just text back thanks or cheers.

Don't send a kiss!

[LazyLouLou]

Thank you

[dollius]

He'd worry you were dead? Really? Come on ....

[TheMoa]

Why would you text 'X'?

Just reply 'thanks'.

And you're a lot deeper into things with him if a lack of response to birthday wishes would have him demanding answers/thinking you were dead

[RepeatAdNauseum]

Why is your automatic response to just send a kiss? Do you do that to a lot of people?

[nequidnimis]

Sending a kiss isn't appropriate, but you already know that.

[AdventureBe]

Yes Repeat, that's what I send to friends when I want to say thanks that was a nice thing to do/say

[AdventureBe]

I don't routinely put them at the end of texts though and never to him.

[dollius]

I think you are both still mired in the emotional affair and, really, you should cut contact. Of course you can not answer. You just don't want to.

[NorthernLights33]

I don't see what wrong with just texting 'Thank you'?

[TheMoa]

What a waste of a text. You're not charged per character these days you know.

[AlisonBlunderland]

Text thanks then say what you are doing for your birthday with YOUR other half.

[AuntieStella]

How about 'Thanks! I'm having a lovely day with [names of DH and DCs]'

[AlisonBlunderland]

Edit. Frankly anything other than just "x"

[ALaughAMinute]

You're right when you say you are overthinking this. Text him to say thank you and leave it at that.

[RepeatAdNauseum]

Okay. It seems a bit weird to me, it essentially ends the conversation. Anyway, it's obviously not appropriate here if you wouldn't usually send kisses, and a kiss on its own is quite suggestive.

I think you'd risk him thinking that you are after more.

[AdventureBe]

Oh absolutely the dynamic between us isn't quite right but it is manageable now. There's no threat to either of our relationships.

I haven't heard from or seen him since the end of April. Yes, if I don't reply he'll wonder what's up. That's the same for most of my friends.

[Longtalljosie]

Ok - delete his number. Or rather - reply and say thanks then delete his number. You are keeping this going. You can't justify it by saying you're only doing what you'd do for a friend - because you're not friend. Cut the rope - it's not worth it

[DoreenLethal]

He won't think you are dead. Really.

How about not responding and just enjoying your birthday. Then answer later after you have had the day with your husband.

[MyPelvicFloorTrainsItself]

Just reply, thanks!

[inneedofguidance]

There's no threat to either of our relationships.

In your eyes or your DHs? I think AuntieStella has it about right.

[winkywinkola]

Do the right thing.

Text thank you. And delete/block his number and have no more contact at all.

[Fourvanillas]

How about thanks and a smiley face as opposed to a X? Neutral