Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I'm over thinking but I need to respond to this text

(98 Posts)
AdventureBe Sun 21-Jun-15 11:44:52

I came close to having an EA with a colleague many years ago. We realised a bit belatedly that we were closer than our OH's would be happy with and cut contact right back. His DW particularly was a bit suspicious, probably rightly so.

We don't work together now and only see each other during the football season, never alone. I still count him as a good friend and will occasionally text with news in between times, but always one off short messages, never long ping pong conversations (anymore). i.e yippee I got the job or DS1 was picked for the team.

When writing my messages I check with myself that there's nothing he couldn't show his wife, which shouldn't be necessary but it once was.

Anyway he's text today to wish me a Happy Birthday. Quite a long gushy message but nothing overly personal. My automatic response is to text back "X" and leave it at that. A bit friendlier than a curt "thanks" but doesn't start a conversation.

But what would his wife think if she saw a text message that is a single X, from a old suspected OW?

I can't not respond. He'd worry that I was dead and that wouldn't be fair.

underyourown Sun 21-Jun-15 11:46:59

Just say thank you.

Would you like it if your DH received a text with 'x' on it?

MissDexter Sun 21-Jun-15 11:47:10

Just text back thanks or cheers.

Don't send a kiss!

FuckitFay Sun 21-Jun-15 11:47:41

How about just "thanks for the birthday wishes, I'm having a lovely day!"
Can be friendly without kisses. I'm not a remotely jealous person though so not sure how his wife would feel about any message from you and the fact he's wished you happy birthday. Not your issue though. send a polite friendly thanks back and leave it at that. If his wife has difficulty with him having texted you, its nothing to do with you in the nicest possible way

LazyLouLou Sun 21-Jun-15 11:48:04

smile Thank you

dollius Sun 21-Jun-15 11:48:14

He'd worry you were dead? Really? Come on ....

TheMoa Sun 21-Jun-15 11:48:19

Why would you text 'X'?

Just reply 'thanks'.

And you're a lot deeper into things with him if a lack of response to birthday wishes would have him demanding answers/thinking you were dead hmm

RepeatAdNauseum Sun 21-Jun-15 11:48:38

Why is your automatic response to just send a kiss? Do you do that to a lot of people?

nequidnimis Sun 21-Jun-15 11:49:00

Sending a kiss isn't appropriate, but you already know that.

AdventureBe Sun 21-Jun-15 11:50:09

Yes Repeat, that's what I send to friends when I want to say thanks that was a nice thing to do/say

AdventureBe Sun 21-Jun-15 11:50:38

I don't routinely put them at the end of texts though and never to him.

dollius Sun 21-Jun-15 11:50:49

I think you are both still mired in the emotional affair and, really, you should cut contact. Of course you can not answer. You just don't want to.

NorthernLights33 Sun 21-Jun-15 11:52:01

I don't see what wrong with just texting 'Thank you'?

TheMoa Sun 21-Jun-15 11:52:09

What a waste of a text. You're not charged per character these days you know.

AlisonBlunderland Sun 21-Jun-15 11:53:17

Text thanks then say what you are doing for your birthday with YOUR other half.

AuntieStella Sun 21-Jun-15 11:53:42

How about 'Thanks! I'm having a lovely day with [names of DH and DCs]'

AlisonBlunderland Sun 21-Jun-15 11:53:58

Edit. Frankly anything other than just "x"

ALaughAMinute Sun 21-Jun-15 11:54:02

You're right when you say you are overthinking this. Text him to say thank you and leave it at that.

RepeatAdNauseum Sun 21-Jun-15 11:54:53

Okay. It seems a bit weird to me, it essentially ends the conversation. Anyway, it's obviously not appropriate here if you wouldn't usually send kisses, and a kiss on its own is quite suggestive.

I think you'd risk him thinking that you are after more.

AdventureBe Sun 21-Jun-15 11:55:00

Oh absolutely the dynamic between us isn't quite right but it is manageable now. There's no threat to either of our relationships.

I haven't heard from or seen him since the end of April. Yes, if I don't reply he'll wonder what's up. That's the same for most of my friends.

Longtalljosie Sun 21-Jun-15 11:58:48

Ok - delete his number. Or rather - reply and say thanks then delete his number. You are keeping this going. You can't justify it by saying you're only doing what you'd do for a friend - because you're not friend. Cut the rope - it's not worth it

DoreenLethal Sun 21-Jun-15 11:59:28

He won't think you are dead. Really.

How about not responding and just enjoying your birthday. Then answer later after you have had the day with your husband.

MyPelvicFloorTrainsItself Sun 21-Jun-15 12:00:43

Just reply, thanks!

inneedofguidance Sun 21-Jun-15 12:02:05

There's no threat to either of our relationships.

In your eyes or your DHs? I think AuntieStella has it about right.

winkywinkola Sun 21-Jun-15 12:02:20

Do the right thing.

Text thank you. And delete/block his number and have no more contact at all.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now