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Possible reasons for lack of affection

(7 Posts)
wouldyoubeoffended Sun 21-Jun-15 07:55:36

H shows the dc lots of affection - nice things said / hugs / sitting close together entwined on the sofa...
He does not touch me or say anything nice though after a bad patch which lasted a while, we are getting on ok (though I have to work hard at keeping some of the difficult parts of his personality at bay) and can sometimes even chat for ages.

We probably sleep together about once a month and that is affectionate when it happens.

The lack of affections generally makes me feel unwanted / unattractive however. Especially when I witness how he is with the dc. I think he must see me as "old" but on the other hand he is 12 years older than me so confused. I am 46, he is 58.

We have been together for 19 years and he has been like this for a long time. I found one of my posts from 5 years ago where I am basically saying the same thing sad.

wouldyoubeoffended Sun 21-Jun-15 07:59:25

I have asked him about this and told him how I feel but he gets irritated and says things like "but they are so cute" (with regard to the dc). Of course they are and they need affection, it's just that I read h'h's lack of affection with me as total lack of interest in me or in having a relationship with me.

wouldyoubeoffended Sun 21-Jun-15 08:00:56

So my question is - why is he like this or what are the possible reasons???

FolkGirl Sun 21-Jun-15 08:10:46

God that sounds horrible. I think you already know the answer though. He isn't interested in you.

If you were posting similar 5 years ago, then it's not going to change. Do you wantto be back here in another 5 yrs.

And don't use the children as the reason to stay.

JeanSeberg Sun 21-Jun-15 08:12:28

Get out and start enjoying life.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 21-Jun-15 08:17:37

He is not going to change and you wrote similar 5 years ago.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

What difficult parts of his personality as well have you tried to keep at bay?.

Is this really what you want to teach your children about relationships; that a basically loveless marriage is the "norm"?. They pick up on all the vibes between the two of you; they see far more than you care to realise.
Do not use these children as the glue to bind you and he together.

MozzchopsThirty Sun 21-Jun-15 08:25:17

Oh please get out
This was my marriage, I also stayed for far too long

I'm now with a man who shows affection and isn't afraid of it. My children see how to treat your partner and make them happy, that's so important

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