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Being a secret admirer - clever, or just a bit creepy?

(135 Posts)
ThePrague Sat 20-Jun-15 20:55:46

I've join MN purely to get peeps opinion, as I anticipate that I'll get a fair, honest and measured hearing here compared to forums I normally frequent where it's likely I'll get laughed outta town!

Anyway, I'll try and make this as short as possible without leaving out any vital information:

I'm a guy in my late twenties and have started a new job about a month ago. Incidentally, the job is great but it's not exactly what I'm used to or something which find really fulfilling but jobs and job and hopefully I can move on next year. ANYWAY....

So, on my first week I get ferried across departments, basically to sit with and understand their roles before starting my actual job in the second week. On the third day, I'm sitting with one of the guys as his talking me through what his doing when this girls walks past, I smiled at her and she smiled back. (she must have been off on the second day when I was in her dept).

Now, I'm not stupid, I know she was smiling to be polite. However, I think you know where this is going, so yeah, my heart skipped a beat, literally everything I find attractive, I'm actually amazed I smiled rather than my jaw hitting the floor!

Now, we're three weeks out and I can't stop thinking about her. Massive crush, and the horrible thing is I have never spoken to her, and the chances of being able to engineer the opportunity are slim to none - different departments on different floors, different lunchtime, and on the odd occasion she has been in my office, it's impossible for me to just straight up go and talk to her because it's just going to get people asking questions - it's a very quiet dept. She doesn't seem to know I'm even there sad

The other issue with just talking to her, other than the aforementioned impossibility, is that I'm been burned before, the 'friend-zone' nonsense making it impossible to go further without upsetting things. In short, [i]I don't want to be her friend[/I], to put it bluntly.

I do know bits about her - I'm quite certain she is single, she is popular, respected and appears altogether lovely.

So, after a lot of thought, I'm sitting here thinking the only safe, practical and least potentially creepy option is to become a 'secret admirer'.

IF I go through with this, I had this itinerary in mind:

Week 1 - Leave flowers with a small handwritten note on/in the boot of her car (she sometimes drive her parents SUV), on the days when she finishes later than me. I figured that this is least likely to a) be noticed by anyone else, b) unlikely to come across in any way as creepy, and c) show her that I'm thoughtful and a little brave. In the note I'd say something along the lines of "if you liked the flowers, say thank you on your Facebook (we're not FB friends but it's and open account)", which obviously would give me the go ahead for...

Week 2 - this is where it turns a bit brave. Now, leaving something on her car again will just be a bit one dimensional as I've done it once, so I'd send chocolates to her VIA WORK, so that she'd have them delivered to her department and everyone she works with would see it! The logic being that she would share the chocolates, let on to them about the flowers, and then her colleagues would basically do my work for me by pushing her to keep going. Again, in the note would be the Facebook thank you line to confirm back to me that she is still interested.

Now, at this stage I'm a little unsure of whether to go for a third gift (what else is there?!), or go for the big one...

Week 3 - I would book a table at a nice restaurant, and then send her (again via the post at work) an invitation to a date. The only risk is that I book on night she can't attend. Again, asking her to confirm on Facebook.

What do we think? I'm a little unsure on the Facebook element, but the only alternative is to set-up an email address, but the problem there is that she might be hesitant to share her personal email address, though I suppose she could use her work email address.

noblegiraffe Sat 20-Jun-15 20:57:43

Oh dear god just talk to her.

KittyBennett Sat 20-Jun-15 20:59:59

How old are yõú exactly?

DoreenLethal Sat 20-Jun-15 21:00:01

No. Just ask her out. Then you will know.

Siolence Sat 20-Jun-15 21:01:11

Creepy. All of it. Stalkery. Sounds like you have already creeped her Facebook.

Not wanting to be a friend is fine. Whining about being friend zoned is not exactly winning behaviour.
Engineer an opportunity to actually speak to her.

KatieScarlettreregged Sat 20-Jun-15 21:02:06

Some twat attempted to woo me in a similar fashion.
Creeped me the hell out and declined in fear.

mrsdavidbowie Sat 20-Jun-15 21:02:32


98percentchocolate Sat 20-Jun-15 21:02:38

I'm sorry, you are incredibly sweet but no, no, no. It may well put her off. Just talk to her. You sound like a sweet guy, just get to know her and let her see that.

ThePrague Sat 20-Jun-15 21:03:40


Late twenties. I know, sounds like I don't have a clue but what I'm concerned about is that by the time I've had the chance to talk to her - I can't stress enough how difficult it is to get out of my department! - that I'll have missed my chance.

TopCivilServant Sat 20-Jun-15 21:04:31

Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy grin

ThePrague Sat 20-Jun-15 21:05:57

Lol, think I've get the message. I really don't want to do anything that would creep her out, absolutely not.

AlpacaMyBags Sat 20-Jun-15 21:07:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

27inmyhead Sat 20-Jun-15 21:07:54

If you can't talk to her just message her on facebook for a friendly chat. That's what people in the 21st century do.m

I would hate for someone to do what you describe.

Why would you go over the top like that?

KatieScarlettreregged Sat 20-Jun-15 21:08:27

Just talk to her and ask her if she fancies a coffee after work sometime.

midnightvelvet01 Sat 20-Jun-15 21:09:01

You're overthinking it.

Go up to her floor one lunchtime and ask her quietly if she would like to go for a coffee with you sometime.

I've had secret admirers before and there's no way I'd sleep with the creepy buggers, all that skulking around isn't normal!

Put your big boy pants on and ask her smile smile

Zillie77 Sat 20-Jun-15 21:09:21

I am 48 and have been out of the dating game for over 20 years (married), bur your plan seems a bit complex. Maybe save that sort of stuff for your first anniversary?

Meanwhile, why not send her an e-mail or drop off a note-something like: I think you are lovely, let's go on a date? She will ask around to figure out who you are.

Then have a nice date planned, at a place where you feel comfortable and confident.

Earthbound Sat 20-Jun-15 21:10:40

Yes. It would be very creepy. I would feel stalked and intimidated.

Talk to her. Maybe ask her to go for a coffee? No need for elaborate strategies.

Oh and BTW, the 'friend zone' stuff is sexist shite so please drop that pronto.

Baies Sat 20-Jun-15 21:11:50

If you absolutely MUST, then a note tucked on her car asking her if she fancies a drink is fine

AnyFucker Sat 20-Jun-15 21:12:01

Not remotely sweet but very creepy and makes you look pretty inadequate

talk to her

ask her out

that is all

ThePrague Sat 20-Jun-15 21:12:32

@ AlpacaMyBags

As I say, got the message loud and clear. The only alternative is to ingratiate myself with everyone in the departments away from us (we're literally on a different floor) that I can possible talk to and/or hope that the opportunity simply presents itself. The horrible thing is that I've picked up a vibe that my department has a bad reputation (I won't say the function), so that hardly helps!

squitchey Sat 20-Jun-15 21:15:10

If you really, really, really can't engineer a way to talk to her then just send her a straightforward note just asking her out via the internal post. "Know this is going to sound weird, but I think you look ace and would love to get to know you. Fancy a drink?"

Or just add her on Facebook. My DP did that, and sent me exactly that kind of straightforward and slightly embarrassed-sounding message when he missed the chance to talk to me at an event because I left. It worked, I went for a drink with him. I thought it was sweet.

If he'd left flowers on my car and convoluted orders to thank him on Facebook if I liked them ... not so much, probably.

avocadotoast Sat 20-Jun-15 21:17:13

Noooope. None of the above. I think you've been watching too many romcoms and I'd be incredibly creeped out by any of the above.

ThePrague Sat 20-Jun-15 21:17:15

@ midnightvelvet01

Yeah, that would be the straightforward thing to do. Like I say, if I were to just go up to her then everyone else is going to start asking questions and that'll likely put her, and worse, might land me in hot water in a job I've only just started.

The only other place is the car park in the morning, but that presents similar risks.

midnightvelvet01 Sat 20-Jun-15 21:18:21

I realise that you're on different floors but surely there's a staircase linking the 2 smile

I don't understand why you can't nip up there, who cares if anyone sees you. Why would you not be able to?

midnightvelvet01 Sat 20-Jun-15 21:18:41

ha x post sorry wink

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