Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Have I made a huge mistake?

(7 Posts)
KateDoesntHaveThisIssue Sat 20-Jun-15 17:33:44

18months ago I found out DH cc balance was in the thousands. He agreed not to put more onto it and not hide it again as well as pay it off. It came from us doing things and him lying when I asked can we afford this for a few years?sad I am against spending what you don't have, always been a saver. I sold my old house after this and planned to use money for things with DC, top ups if you like for things we can't afford like holidays.

The cc came up again recently and working out interest, I paid it off. I also paid off a car loan we had as it was a loan from family. Add in some other essentials like washing machine dying and I have barely anything left of my hard earned savings.

I am finding it hard to not resent him. Years of work for my financial future is pissed up the wall. I am scared that I have made a huge mistake. Am I just panicking? He earns well, its just comments like money we agreed to put back into the ISA, he casually says we could use it for something else scare me.

LIZS Sat 20-Jun-15 17:41:15

Is he keeping his end of the deal , not overspending and contributing to savings?

LazyLouLou Sat 20-Jun-15 17:41:53

How old are you?

I had a similar conversation when we were in our late 20s. Took his card off him, gave him pocket money and got us straightened out. He wasn't bad he was just unthinking sometimes.

Once we were sorted we had another sit down and decided what we wanted, short, medium and longer term. We agreed a saving schedule and got on with it. It must have worked as we both went to University in our 30s and did not get mired in debt relying on only 1 wage for about 8 years.

I think it comes down to the sensible one in such a partnership being calm and detailed about the financial realities... and staying calm when the bottom lip trembling starts, cos he will hear it as you blaming him, at first, second and maybe thirds. It isn't pleasant to be on either side of this conversation.

Nowadays DH happily admits he took a while longer to grow up and see what I meant, way back then.

KateDoesntHaveThisIssue Sat 20-Jun-15 18:25:58

We have separate finances but consider it ours iyswim. He has as far as I'm aware kept to not over spending and what little he did pay towards cc now goes into savings. I'm 30 and he's 10 yes older.

tigermoll Wed 24-Jun-15 11:50:53

These savings you think he's paying into -- are they joint, or just in his name?

Did you discuss you using your savings to pay off his cc or did you just go ahead and do it?

NRomanoff Wed 24-Jun-15 12:55:01

From the sounds of it, the majority of the money from the house sale as spent on joint things. Is it just the cc you are resentful of?

As you are married all your assets are joint, unless you there was some sort of contract before hand. So the house you sold was joint. As is anything like isa's. So now the debts are paid off, it is both of you that's benefitted, in the long run.

If you feel he isn't good with money and not planning for the future, you need to sit down and speak with him about it. Also get a joint savings account if you are worried about what will happen in the event of a split.

BitOutOfPractice Wed 24-Jun-15 13:48:18

YOu haven't "pissed it up aainst the wall" you've used it to buy essential things - which is presumably what savings are for?

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: