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He Has Forgotten....

(13 Posts)
enviro300 Fri 19-Jun-15 23:40:16

A year ago today, DP and I found out the baby we had conceived ( granted with a coil fitted ) was ectopic. I've been in bits at work all day. He has been fine. He's only just hugged me now. I have no complaints about him other than this. Am I wrong or irrational to be angry with him right now? Is it my emotions that are off?
Probably looking for hand holding as well I suppose sad

Joysmum Sat 20-Jun-15 00:24:04

I'm so sorry to see how much you are hurting. sad

What was it he forgot, was it the date of the anniversary or the dat it is today? Did he forget or just want to pretend to himself it wasn't happening because he was hurting too ?

bunchoffives Sat 20-Jun-15 00:26:47

No you are not wrong or irrational. It is very understandable that you should grieve for the pregnancy you lost on the anniversary of finding out you were pg. flowers

I don't think the coil being fitted has much to do with it really - you still were pg and lost your baby.

It is also very understandable that you feel a bit let down that he does not feel the same way as you today. But it might not be that he has forgotten as such, just that for him this day does not have the same stand out significance. He may feel like you do on the anniversary of when you discovered the pg was ectopic for example.

Try to explain how you are feeling and ask for some extra support/niceness. Why not plan something nice or soothing to do tomorrow together.

Sorry for your loss. It will feel easier to live with in time. There are very many women who understand how you feel and have been there too sad

FanjoBean Sat 20-Jun-15 01:56:31

I'm sorry thanks

You are not being irrational to be hurting, at all. You may be a little irrational to be angry with your husband for not having been as visibly upset because of the date. I'm sure he is grieving in his own way, some people don't place as much significance on anniversaries. It's probably your state of mind today that's making you feel so angry about it, maybe try not to take it out on him too much thanks

Vivacia Sat 20-Jun-15 06:40:20

Anniversaries are not really significant for me at all. I wouldn't hold it against him.

Vivacia Sat 20-Jun-15 06:41:57

Sorry I meant to explain that it's not that I don't care it's just that I am no more likely to feel sad on one day than another.

FolkGirl Sat 20-Jun-15 07:46:48

I would agree with the others. If this is his only 'flaw', then don't take it too seriously.

Anniversaries mean nothing to me. It doesn't mean I haven't remembered, or that i dont care, just that one day isn't any more significant than another.

I'm sure it doesn't mean he doesn't care.

Very sorry for your loss x

WiIdfire Sat 20-Jun-15 07:51:29

I'm sorry you have had a rough day. Some people dont put so much meaning onto anniversaries, perhaps your husband is one of them. I could only tell you the date of my ectopic last year because it was my best friends wedding day, and I'm pretty sure my husband wouldn't have any idea what date it was. I didn't think about it on the anniversary this year at all.

It is understandable that you are upset but I'd let this one go about your husband.

enviro300 Sat 20-Jun-15 08:05:18

Thanks ladies. I reminded him last night and turns out he remembers but didn't know how to approach me about it. I was calm with him after venting on here. Thanks so much for your words it's appreciated. cake

FolkGirl Sat 20-Jun-15 10:43:28

flowers

Newtobecomingamum Sat 20-Jun-15 10:53:58

Hi enviro,

I thought that might be the case.

Poor men (the goodens) sometimes don't know how to react or what to say etc... He may have thought talking about it might have upset you further or really didn't know how best to handle the situation. Doesn't mean that they are feeling the same or thinking, remembering or as upset.

I am so sorry to hear what you went through x

Newtobecomingamum Sat 20-Jun-15 10:54:49

Was meant to say.. Doesn't meant that they aren't feeling etc

enviro300 Sat 20-Jun-15 18:50:48

Thanks again for the support. Just by writing it I felt the pressure ease. Yes spot on, talking about serious stuff does come more easily to me than him. Wise women on here I wish I'd joined sooner.

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