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No friends left.

(32 Posts)
regretsihaveafew Fri 19-Jun-15 20:01:21

I've never had a lot of friends but in recent years I've lost all of them. I'm in my 60's now [divorced, live alone] but v active and well, plenty of interests but do not socialise at all well. Dislike group activities, classes of people, cliques. Always, always feel I do not fit in nor make friends easily. Very much a one to one person.

I've lost friends very recently, 1 died, 1 moved away, and one was a toxic friendship and I had to let it go.

And now the last friendship is coming to an end [long story].....and I shall now be entirely on my own. Friendless.

I'm panicking. I have no problem keeping busy, there is a lot for me to do, loads of places to go [on my own, but used to that]....but with no one at all! No phone calls, no one to catch up with and have a good chat.

I'm even thinking of going to warden controlled housing...just to have people around me. But feel it may be a bit early for that.

Any ideas? Feeling anxious, panicky and a bit sick.

mrschatty Fri 19-Jun-15 20:05:20

Oh no I'm really sorry to hear this- I understand you don't like social groups- this seems to remove a large section of available friends- would you consider volunteering in a field you are interested in or enjoy- feel like your doing something productive and open up the door to potential new friends? flowers

brokenhearted55a Fri 19-Jun-15 20:14:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DownTownAbbey Fri 19-Jun-15 20:20:13

I have a friend who found herself alone in a new town in her fifties. She found a nice pub nearby and went everyday at lunch time for a drink and just sat there reading her book. Over the weeks she became known and now is a valued member of her local community. It happened slowly and naturally.

I understand your reluctance to 'join a group' and I'm not sure I would have the nerve to do what my very brave and inspirational friend did but it's never too late to start again.

Good luck smile

brokenhearted55a Fri 19-Jun-15 20:21:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsEdinburgh Fri 19-Jun-15 20:27:24

All good ideas mentioned above. And don't automatically dismiss people younger or older than yourself, as I'm in my 40's & my youngest friend is 27 & my oldest is 75.

regretsihaveafew Fri 19-Jun-15 20:35:42

I'm not in London broken but in the West Country. I am taking all your ideas in, thank you. And I have no problem with people of any age.

I'm thinking of putting a personal ad in a paper, for friendship only. It worked once for me before....

I will be so lonely in the meanwhile though if I can't talk to someone each week. I see no one for days now as it is. That was ok when I had one person I'd talk to at the weekend.

Sunflower1985 Fri 19-Jun-15 20:36:32

Volunteering? If you pick something you're interested in you could find like minded people there.
I heard on the radio the WI is cool nowadays grin

saturnvista Fri 19-Jun-15 20:39:14

Could you volunteer? Train as a Samaritan perhaps so you'll get to know the other volunteers deeply? Many people who call are feeling very lonely and you have something to offer in the way of empathy.

momtothree Fri 19-Jun-15 20:39:19

Volunteering is a good idea - just search your area and see what interests you. Also there are singles clubs where you can pick dinner dates or cinema - its not dating or clubbing - or try the home visits or hospital visits. Do you work?

Kennington Fri 19-Jun-15 20:45:51

join a WI?
Volunteering?
A weekend job?
Try not to panic it is the ebb and flow of friendships

Hadron21 Fri 19-Jun-15 20:51:19

You sound like a lovely friend.
I've made friends in the most odd ways but just because I was looking for a connection. Stay true to yourself and invite the right people into your life.

thecolourpink Fri 19-Jun-15 20:54:41

I know how you feel, I'm 30 and struggle to make friends!. Where in the West country are you- are you close to Devon?

Magicalmrmistofeles Fri 19-Jun-15 21:01:57

I feel for you - I'm 37 but introverted. You sound lovely. No advice really but I wish you well.

regretsihaveafew Fri 19-Jun-15 21:09:50

Noting all your ideas and will do research into what is in my area [I'm from Somerset thecolourpink but holiday in East Devon! When I can afford it.

I'm retired and do decorating, doing up furniture and as well as the house to look after, I have a lot of garden to tend too. Being busy isn't the problem just the panic and emptiness.

There is an open day and evening soon at the local Samaritans office. I will go, not sure if I'm cut out for it though....

Volunteering is a bit of a problem as I have very bad bouts of insomnia/migraine the day after so am a bit unreliable...I'd hate to have to people down if I'm too rough to go in.

twentyten Fri 19-Jun-15 21:19:27

Have you looked at spice? Lots of activities to meet people. Woman and home have supper clubs/ walking groups. You could volunteer where the task is not to cover specific hours such as in a shop but to complete something? Try do-it volunteering site. And there is always someone one here. Good luck

DuvetToMyself Fri 19-Jun-15 22:16:46

It sounds as though community involvement would be the thing for you. Everyone is looking for someone to edit the group quarterly magazine or man a stall at the fair.

Are you interested in animals? If so then there are masses of opportunities for you. People with dogs love other people with dogs, ditto people with horses. Would you consider fostering dogs/puppies or cats with small kittens? Lots of charities are looking for help (on your own terms) and it comes with a sociable side.

Would you consider beekeeping?! I know beekeeping groups are sociable.

I realise it sounds counter-productive to suggest solitary activities as ways to meet people but they are merely avenues in to like minded people - and fun in themselves even if you don't meet others.

havemercy Fri 19-Jun-15 22:22:33

There is an app called meetup with details of community events. Sorry but I don't know how to link to it.

TurnItIn Fri 19-Jun-15 22:36:29

I just wanted to slightly push you towards doing some further education classes - I know you say you don't deal well with that sort of thing but if you can find something that really lights your fire - for me, it's pottery, but there's so many options, sewing, knitting, crochet, jewellery making, language classes, dancing...there must be something that fires you up, if you can find something that YOU are interested in then making friends becomes a secondary concern, and a brilliant bonus. I've made some lovely friends in my pottery class, because I'm connecting with people with similar interests.

MiniTheMinx Fri 19-Jun-15 22:39:44

What about volunteering for a carers charity. People who care for others are often not able to take a break, and rely upon volunteers to spend a few hours sitting. You will have people to talk to, perhaps a regular "gig" where you spend a few hours just keeping someone company. It can be with elderly, people with disabilities or with young people and children with LDs or physical disabilities.

Or Pen pals, people to write to either email, online or via post and skype www.interpals.net/ or mumsnet meet ups, maybe look at the local site for friends.

BiscuitMillionaire Fri 19-Jun-15 22:42:55

havemercy it's www.meetup.com

silveracorn Fri 19-Jun-15 22:47:12

Regrets - someone was recommending a book the other day to help with low self confidence but when I read it, it was mainly for people who felt lonely. The focus was on people who wanted a partner but had none, but it was absolutely brilliant at helping you stop feel lonely while being on your own, and giving suggestions on how to meet people. It's called
Intimate Connections by David Burns.

It gave a lot of practical advice on how to overcome feelings of loneliness when you are on your own, just gardening or pottering etc, and ways to behave when you meet people, so that friendships can develop. Worth a look.

It must be harder to make friends if you don't like group activities. I agree with Turn It In, if you could find an activity or class you genuinely want to do, regardless of whether anyone else is doing it, you may find you meet people that way. Most of my closest friends are ones who share a specific interest with me, and we can chat away about it for hours without boring others.

silveracorn Fri 19-Jun-15 22:48:49

Or would you get a dog? A lovely friend of mine moved to a new area and knew no one. She's very shy too, but she got a dog and she ended up with a lovely bunch of friends she'd met in the park.

regretsihaveafew Fri 19-Jun-15 22:59:46

Great suggestions, thank you so much. I am very much the introvert and it does make things more difficult.

I have a lot to think about...and evening classes start in a couple of months of course.

GatoradeMeBitch Fri 19-Jun-15 23:27:55

Do you like cats? I volunteer for Cats Protection and they are a lovely group of people, and very understanding and supportive of health issues.

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