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Here we go again....

(73 Posts)
BettyTheHippo Thu 18-Jun-15 23:02:05

DP of 2 years has had three inappropriate text/Facebook relationships.
Don't think they were physical, didn't go very far other than flirting/sexting and I found out because he's not good with covering tracks. Lots of tears - mine - and angst ridden apologies every time and we carry on.
Found more Facebook messages tonight, with the most recent one. Who is 20 years younger and has already been warned off by me. I will be contacting her fiancé - who she loves dearly going by her Facebook - but I don't know whether to keep my powder dry for now, and wait until the texts/messages increase. Also don't know how, or if, to approach it with him. He'll accuse me of snooping - which I was - and will call it a day without giving me a chance to say anything or defend myself. Then the apologies will come, I'll forgive him, keep on checking and a few months down the road we'll be here again
I know I should break up with him, but I don't want to. DCs off to Uni, and I want the company. And I do love him, and think he genuinely feels something for me, but he has huge MH issues and I keep blaming them and hoping that, in time, he'll change
I know what I should do, but can't. And would like to hear the thoughts of others, because I'm fed up of my own. Thanks for reading.

Steben Thu 18-Jun-15 23:03:55

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Chillyegg Thu 18-Jun-15 23:10:02

Sorry but he will keep doing it!
And if you leave him theres a very big chance you will meet someone much nicer, don't let loneliness keep you with this berk. You deserve much more.

Donatello68 Thu 18-Jun-15 23:13:09

You do deserve much better. I really don't think that he will change.

BettyTheHippo Thu 18-Jun-15 23:15:35

Thank you chilly and I know, but don't seem to have it in me to do that. Ridiculous - I'm responsible for over 80 people and work and generally regarded as a 'high achiever' so can't believe I'm so crap at relationships.

Purpleboa Thu 18-Jun-15 23:16:32

Not sure calling OP a muppet is terribly helpful!

I'm sorry this is happening to you. But yes, I have to agree chances are he will keep on doing it. Do you have close friends and family in real life who could support you in RL? Get what you're saying about wanting company, but there are many other options out there which don't involve a messed up partner getting his pathetic jollies with much younger fools on social media. You can be strong, you are worth more than this!

BettyTheHippo Thu 18-Jun-15 23:18:07

Donatello I don't want to say it but I think you are right. But I would miss him so much. The good times are really good. Absolutely everyone I know is in a relationship, I want that companionship. I'm too old to start again, think this is last chance saloon for me.

Theoldcauliflower Thu 18-Jun-15 23:19:57

It's your chance to go now the doc are off to uni! He may have mh problems but it's no excuse, he's an adult and knows right from wrong!
Grow some balls and tell him to fuck right off!!

DragonsCanHop Thu 18-Jun-15 23:20:54

Charming steb hmm

2 year relationship and 4 bad experiences, that's one every 6 months... And your own DC are grown and doing their own thing.

What would you say to them if they posted what you have?

Sorry but he has no respect for you and you deserve so much more.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 18-Jun-15 23:21:28

If you want company get a pet, rent the dcs' room(s) out on a short term basis, or find a local pub that has a 'community' vibe - ladies darts night/quiz nights etc

momtothree Thu 18-Jun-15 23:21:55

If you think that, then he knows it, and he gets away with it. Is he spending your money on these girls?

BettyTheHippo Thu 18-Jun-15 23:22:02

Thank you purple - don't know what the PP who called me a muppet was trying to achieve. I do have close friends, but all are in relationships and look on me as something of a charity case I feel. They know me as tough, strong, capable Betty, it's just not in me to admit weakness.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind Thu 18-Jun-15 23:22:03

You deserve better than this OP. flowers

Hope you can find the strength to leave him - there might be someone amazing out there but you'll never know while you're wasting time on this loser. Or you might surprise yourself and create a full fun and happy life without a man in it.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind Thu 18-Jun-15 23:24:57

You are only two years older than when you embarked on this relationship. smile You can do this!

travertine Thu 18-Jun-15 23:25:19

It's horrible, my partner did this too just to boost his ego apparently. And he was terrified that we might be over. That was last year and it's fine. I still worry but he is I believe not doing it now, you've found out that he has done it not just once but twice more. Why do you talk of 'keeping your powder dry' when you've soaked your powder cos you won't do anything once he says sorry. You've said you don't want to leave him so the other option is to turn a blind eye.

glitteryflange Thu 18-Jun-15 23:26:49

Get a dog. Much more loyal and smell nicer.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 18-Jun-15 23:27:49

Book yourself on a singles holiday clate September/October when the dcs are at uni.

The world is your lobster oyster. You'll be footloose and fancy free and don't make the mistake of believing that no-one you know who's ostensibly cosily coupled up won't be green with envy at the opportunities available to you.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 18-Jun-15 23:29:23

The advantage of having a dog is that you'll get to know other dog owners, many of whom will be single grin

DragonsCanHop Thu 18-Jun-15 23:30:09

Do you have peace of mind?

BettyTheHippo Thu 18-Jun-15 23:31:05

I know, you're all right. I don't want to turn a blind eye but that seems like the path of least resistance now. DCs are twins, have been my life since my marriage broke down, and can't contemplate losing them and my relationship in quick succession. I do need to grow a pair, and if it was my girls in this position I'd be horrified. I know there's no respect for me.

BettyTheHippo Thu 18-Jun-15 23:34:02

No dragon - no peace of mind at all. Hoped against hope I wouldn't find any evidence but always knew deep down I would.

DragonsCanHop Thu 18-Jun-15 23:36:07

sad it is so hard, isn't it.

I understand where you are coming from in regards of thinking about everyone else but yourself.

I wonder if it will eat us up in the end <no help to you at all>

Do you have a friend you can lean on?

LadyBlaBlah Thu 18-Jun-15 23:36:35

Totally flogging a dead horse

How old are you? There is no age you should lower yourself to this shit actually so it's irrelevant what you answer.

This admitting to weakness thing? Erm, it's much much weaker to stay with a loser than be a doormat.

LadyBlaBlah Thu 18-Jun-15 23:37:37

* much weaker to stay and be a doormat than leave a loser

goddessofsmallthings Thu 18-Jun-15 23:37:52

Bin him now and you'll be able to enjoy the summer with your girls and make plans to get dog/book a singles holiday/start online dating after they've gone off to uni - which, I might add, is not as if they're going to the other side of the world forever as they'll be back for weekends and holidays.

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