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(5 Posts)
MissLemonLips Thu 18-Jun-15 22:33:50

Just feel ugh today, dh upset me but rather than acknowledge I was upset he carried on as pisses me off no end but he says it's a way of defusing? Is he right? So, when I push to tell him how I feel it gets worse and I'm a crazy cow

goddessofsmallthings Thu 18-Jun-15 23:52:27

What did he do to upset you and did you tell him you were upset?

When saying he 'carried on as normal' do you mean that he didn't notice you were upset or deliberately ignored the fact that you were upset?

MagicBacon Fri 19-Jun-15 00:05:29

That does sound frustrating but tbh when DP and I fall out I prefer to just try and gloss over it, whereas he insists on talking it all out, it's exhausting, ends up with us both saying things we regret and I just wish I'd never opened my mouth about whatever started it!

I can feel your DH's pain if that is how things pan out with you and I understand why he might prefer to bury his head in the sand instead.

I will make tea and try to hold his hand etc, which is my way of saying I'm not holding a grudge, let's leave it, it's not important. It might come across as failing to acknowledge his annoyance but it's more that I don't want to make a bigger deal ot of something small.

To be fair it does often mean things fester and come out at a later date anyway, so it's not a winning strategy, but we all have different ways to get over something and I for one find it so hard to verbally apologise when I don't feel I've done anything wrong, but DP thinks I'm the most stubborn person on Earth.

MissLemonLips Fri 19-Jun-15 00:09:34

He knew, I tried to tell him why I was upset but he made out I was being crazy. In the past he has said I use the words unreasonable & conversation too much, so if I say to him a sentence with either of these ie "I feel you were unreasonable" or "I'm just trying to have a conversation with you" he brings them up before I've even said them....I find myself really trying to re word what I'm trying to get across without the words I can't use

MagicBacon Fri 19-Jun-15 00:30:16

That is really disrespectful if he won't even let you start a conversation about things. I can understand not wanting to go into the minutiae but to shut you down before you've even had a chance to voice your concerns is rude.

Not sure what to suggest, other than to say "I don't want an argument so I don't expect you to reply, but I'm just going to say this...." Then walk away. Play him at his own game, don't give him a chance to respond, but get your point across.

If it frustrates him then you can try and have a grown up discussion about better ways to communicate.

I'm saying all this as someone who had a massive row last night, which could easily have been prevented if I took my own advice, but it isn't so easy, so feel free to ignore me!

Btw, being called crazy/mental is my pet hate and guaranteed to make me see red! DP knows this and knows that he's crossed a line if he says that and that he won't get any further engagement from me. Perhaps in a calm moment you could tell him that you won't accept being called crazy for airing a grievance and that he needs to find a more respectful tone.

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