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Is he depressed?

(24 Posts)
Bubblegum89 Thu 18-Jun-15 15:29:32

My partner has been acting really weirdly lately. He's a nice guy, always being affectionate and everything. Then a few months ago he started acting strange. He barely saw me, was always too busy, stopped being nice towards me and was never affectionate. He did a lot of stupid stuff and basically made me feel like he didn't care. He spent all his time with his friends even if we had plans, he'd cancel last minute to see his mates. I felt like I was just a convenience when he had nothing better to do. I ended up telling him I deserved better, I didn't deserve to always feel miserable and unwanted but he said he wanted to prove he wanted to make things work. I decided to give him one last chance and he suddenly changed back again overnight. Being really loving and attentive and the "old" him.

We were texting on Monday night and he told me he was feeling down. I asked why and he said he didn't know. We don't live together and he was due to come down the following evening and spend his day off here. When he came down he was very clingy, cuddling up with me a lot and asking me not to leave him on his own to go to work the next day. He didn't seem like his usual happy self but every time I asked what was wrong he said he didn't know and that he just felt sad. He said he was a terrible person for treating me how he had been lately and that he had just been feeling low and keeping busy was a distraction and he just wanted to hide away because he knew I would ask him what was wrong.

Now I suffer with depression and have done for many years. I know how to handle it for myself (most of the time) I know that not being able to give a reason for the low feelings you have and nothing being able to get you out of your mood are signs of depression. We have had a rough time lately with our relationship and are just getting back on track. He isn't a big talker when it comes to feelings and emotions. He just seems to want me to be there to comfort him physically like giving him a hug etc which I do gladly. But I don't know if I should suggest him maybe seeing a doctor? When I was depressed, I used to bottle it up but found talking really helps me but he won't talk. I don't want to make him feel bad by mentioning depression. Not that there's anything wrong with being depressed but I know that often men don't want to admit that kind of thing. Does it sound like he might be depressed? If so, what would be the best way to go about talking about it?

NaiceNickname Thu 18-Jun-15 15:49:43

Call me cynical but it sounds to me more like he had his head turned for a while, saw sense when you threatened to leave or was dumped, and is now full of guilt.

But maybe I just spend far too much around these parts!

Giving him the benefit of the doubt I'd just mention everything you have on here and suggest his behaviour lately is not like him and you're worried, offer an ear if he wants to talk and maybe mention how your GP helped you.

Bubblegum89 Thu 18-Jun-15 16:46:28

I kind of thought that told but I had threatened to leave a couple of times and nothing changed, it only seemed to be when I told him enough was enough and I wanted out for real. He maybe he did realise that that time I was serious. Maybe he could be putting this whole depressed thing on so he can use it as an excuse for his behaviour? He is usually quite happy and smiley but the last couple of days he's just been different. Like I said he is quite affectionate usually but he has been very overly affectionate and needing a lot of reassurance from me. I just wish he would talk. To anyone!

QuiteLikely5 Thu 18-Jun-15 16:58:33

I too think he has had his head turned and now feels very guilty.

depression does not cause terrible behaviour to your loved ones only.

If he was depressed he wouldn't be swanning around with his friends. He would be holed up at home under the duvet.

Bubblegum89 Thu 18-Jun-15 17:08:08

Very true quitelikely, do you think that it's more likely he is now acting like he's down so I will feel sorry for him and excuse his behaviour? I was willing to give him one last chance if he changed his attitude towards me and stopped using me and treating me like I was a piece of shit etc. And he did, he started paying me some attention, talking to me instead of ignoring me, it was like the last few months hadn't even happened. I was okay with that as long as it continued. I think that if that's not the case, him feeling guilty, tail between his legs and whatnot, perhaps he IS down but he knows the reason and just doesn't want to tell me?

NickiFury Thu 18-Jun-15 17:11:44

I think he was seeing someone else, she's smiled him, he's feeling down over it and you're being used for comfort........hmm

NickiFury Thu 18-Jun-15 17:12:45

She's dumped him not sure where smiled came from confused

Bubblegum89 Thu 18-Jun-15 17:26:24

I confronted him about cheating, I thought he might have been. I've been cheated on before and know all the signs. Always on the phone, always too busy and "out with friends" and all of that. He said he wasn't. I don't know how convinced I am about that. He was badly cheated on, his best friend was sleeping with his girlfriend behind his back for over a year. I always thought that he would never be able to do something like that. A part of me thinks that maybe I'm just being blind. The other part of me thinks that he hasn't cheated and he genuinely was just always hanging out with his mates because he thinks he's still in high school and nothing is more exciting than going to the pub to get drunk with your friends so long as you have a dumbass girlfriend waiting for you when your friends are busy. Although saying that, I noticed yesterday that he's changed the password on his phone. I used to know it but I looked over as he unlocked it yesterday and noticed him out in a number that wasn't in the original one...

wallaby73 Thu 18-Jun-15 17:31:57

I same as pp's....head turned, he saw you as a pushover (i really don't mean to offend, but you stuck around...) and now he's been dumped.

Sorry, but as soon as that ohrase "one more / last chance" even comes ip, it's over. It's not normal to even have to think like that....

Bubblegum89 Thu 18-Jun-15 17:40:12

I know. I didn't want to just give in on the first bump in the road which is why I gave him another chance. I am VERY against cheating, I can't stand cheats. He would have to have been extremely foolish to have cheated on me. I find out everything, always. Realistically I can't see where he would have found time to see someone else as when he wasn't here he was either with his brother/friends (and they were all on Twitter, posting photos etc so I knew he was actually there) or he was helping out with music for a theatre production which I know he was doing because one night I went to watch it. But then I suppose if you're going to cheat, you're already a sneaky bastard and will find the time. I am quite a trusting person, to my detriment. Don't know if it's worth doing a little digging. Because if I ever found out he had cheated on me, there would be no second chances, he would be out the door quicker than he could say the word "sorry."

goddessofsmallthings Thu 18-Jun-15 18:09:47

Haven't you posted about him before?

Another one here who thinks there's more to this tale than him having been, or being, depressed and the overkill of affection is designed to further persuade you that 'you're the one he truly loves' when you find out he's been messing with an ow which, as you say, you're bound to sooner or later.

Bubblegum89 Thu 18-Jun-15 18:13:20

Would snooping on him be the wrong thing to do? I know that I should trust him and all of that and I do to an extent but it would perhaps put my mind at rest. He's the world's worst liar and he wouldn't be clever enough to delete evidence from his phone so if there was anything going on, I could find it pretty easily...

goddessofsmallthings Thu 18-Jun-15 18:17:31

As I'm sure you've posted about him before, if snooping is the only way you'll get to know the truth I suggest you go for it.

Bubblegum89 Thu 18-Jun-15 18:20:42

If I had to put money on it, I would say he hasn't been cheating. BUT I've been fooled before so... I'll just find an excuse to go on his phone, he usually lets me anyway. Maybe then I'll know either way. If he has cheated, you will probably never hear from me again as I will have been thrown in prison for chopping off his dick and feeding it to him.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 18-Jun-15 18:37:26

I suggest you put his severed dick in the waste disposal unit or a food processor/blender because if he swallows it whole there's chance it could be re-attached grin

Bubblegum89 Thu 18-Jun-15 18:52:16

Haha good plan, I'll keep it in mind. Penis smoothie grin

QuiteLikely5 Thu 18-Jun-15 19:09:14

Do it. Snoop.

You said he's changed his password. But if you've asked him about cheating very recently, as in today well then there's a chance he has deleted everything.

Bubblegum89 Thu 18-Jun-15 19:13:30

It was a few weeks ago I mentioned it now. I only really said it in passing as well. He's not here tonight, he's going to a gig with his brother but I'll see him tomorrow and will have a casual snoop then.

FolkGirl Thu 18-Jun-15 19:32:08

Yeah, my first thought was the same as everyone else's. Depression doesn't generally meam you want to go out loads and are shitty to your partner. Cheating does though.

I also thought that he had had his head turned/affair and that now it's over. His low mood might be guilt or sadness as he misses her.

Bubblegum89 Thu 18-Jun-15 22:05:57

I'm on a mission to get to the bottom of this. I fancy myself quite the detective!

Daisychain5 Thu 18-Jun-15 22:31:52

Bubblegum you seem strangely up-beat....jokes about being a detective, penis smoothie......

Bubblegum89 Thu 18-Jun-15 22:42:54

Should I be crying or something? If he isn't cheating then good but if he is or has been, I'm not going to be that person who cries about it. I don't have any tolerance for cheats.

Daisychain5 Thu 18-Jun-15 23:03:18

Well if you're genuinely worried he's possibly be depressed, I wouldn't have thought it was a laughing matter?

Bubblegum89 Thu 18-Jun-15 23:49:33

No it's not. I'm not making a joke out of him possibly being depressed. I'm trying to not be downtrodden over the possibility I've been taken for a ride. If he is genuinely depressed, of course I will help him hence why I posted this thread in the first place.

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