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I need advice.

(5 Posts)
januaryblues11 Thu 18-Jun-15 09:28:11

I split up with dh in 2013.

I'm now in a very happy relationship with someone else. I would one day like to marry him.

it is soon 2 years to the day that I ended my marriage. I approached ex h and told him that I would soon be seeking a divorce based on 2 year separation. He refused this, he said he wanted to have the control (he is a control freak which is one of the reasons I left) I agreed, because really I just wanted the divorce sorted.

When it arrived, I saw he'd ticked the 'unreasonable behaviour' box, but hadn't provided any supporting evidence. I signed it anyway, and sent it back.

I didn't hear anything for a few months, so called court to chase. They told me it had been rejected on the grounds of no evidence, which is what I feared, as in ex h eyes my unreasonable behaviour was leaving him in the first place.

I contacted ex h and he said that yes, court had written to him, and said that due to his error it would cost £95 to amend. He refused to pay this.

I decided to pay it as I knew he wouldn't. I gave him the money on a Monday, on the Friday I asked if he'd sent it, he said he hadn't, and when I asked where the money was he wouldn't tell me.

We have a shared loan, Theres a few more years left on it. We pay 55 a month each to it. I said to ex h that if he didn't prove to me that he'd sent my money to the court, I wouldn't give him the loan money. He said that if I didn't give him the loan money, he wouldn't pay the court.

So now we have reached stalemate again. I don't know what to do. I want to give him the loan money as I am not one to shirk my responsibilities, but he has 95 of my money which I don't know what hes done with. And the divorce has stalled.

all advice gratefully received

FelicityGubbins Thu 18-Jun-15 09:31:34

Just file for divorce yourself, why do you give a fuck about it bothering him or not? let's face it, he is being a cunt even when he has control..

Twinklestein Thu 18-Jun-15 09:35:28

File for divorce, count the £95 as gone, and don't be so naive as to trust him again.

januaryblues11 Thu 18-Jun-15 09:37:32

can I file for a new divorce though when there is already this one out there?

Cabrinha Thu 18-Jun-15 09:38:52

You gave him the money? hmm
Take control.
See a solicitor and discuss the rules on starting your own divorce petition.
It sounds like the loan is in his name? So no risk to your credit not to pay it.
I think it's fair to pay equally towards the divorce costs, so I would tell him that your £55 a month is going to his half of all divorce fees (admin and lawyer) and that you'll give him ABH excess (there won't be any).
Take back control!

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