Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Hearts and flowers?

(18 Posts)
kitkat1989 Thu 18-Jun-15 02:24:30

But if background... have been with dh 6.5 years. Live him to bits and i know he loves me to bits. But... i am a very romantic person and im feelinf like icould happily leave. Am j wrong t want some romance

Lweji Thu 18-Jun-15 02:29:44

Have you talked to him about it?
Does he know you would like more romantic gestures?

OTOH, you could get someone who gives you all the romantic stuff you crave and be abusive.

MitzyLeFrouf Thu 18-Jun-15 02:30:08

You love him and he loves you but you could happily leave because there isn't enough romance in the relationship?!

Communication is romantic. Let him know you're finding things a bit mundane. For all you know he might feel the same.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 18-Jun-15 02:43:29

What does 'very romantic' mean?

Do you swan around in floaty dresses and carry a parasol to shield your skin from the mid-day sun?

Do you expect to be sent flowers for no reason, whisked away on surprise weekends in 5* hotels, find diamonds at the bottom of your wine glass, Godiva chocs left on your pillow after the bed has been strewn with rose petals?

Or are you simply looking for an occasional cuddle on the sofa, a kiss when you least expect it, words of love and appreciation that come from the heart, and to be told you're looking especially lovely before setting off for a party?

If it's the latter, how romantic are you when it comes to making these romantic gestures to your dh?

FastWindow Thu 18-Jun-15 02:45:38

Love him/could happily leave?

Bit of a non sequitur there sad

You are either quite young or quite optimistic smile

Vivacia Thu 18-Jun-15 05:17:46

I agree, this is a bit odd. Perhaps you were tired when you posted?

What romantic things do you do for him?

FolkGirl Thu 18-Jun-15 05:26:39

Yes, I wonder what 'very romantic' means too.

For me, 'hearts and flowers' isn't at all romantic. It's an easy, formulaic cliche that I wouldn't find romantic inthe slightest.

So what is it you are looking for?

kitkat1989 Thu 18-Jun-15 08:22:38

i mustv been tired i actually thought it was a dream that id posted in here!!

happily leave him is very very much not what i mean, totally ballsed that up trying to explain!

by very romantic i just mean i would like the whole random kiss and cuddle, or flowers or go for a little drive somewhere or even just the odd txt or note saying something nice!

i know that its not what hes like and i obviousy accept that in a way cos i married him! i guess sometimes i just get a bit 'dreamworldy'

i also know im very irrational atm cos im coming off antidepressants and i know that everything is really huge to me atm when actually its a bit trivial!

we actually were talking about it last night which is probably why iv 'dreamposted/posted!'

by romantic i mean i like the thoughtful gestures, i spend months planning his birthday presents and i regularly just cuddle him and tell him i love him and that i think hes gorgeous

Vivacia Thu 18-Jun-15 08:51:31

So, you're after "demonstrative" and perhaps to some extent, reassurance?
I feel a bit sympathetic towards him when you've married him for who he is. Are there other people or activities that could satisfy your "dreamworldy" needs?

Anniegetyourgun Thu 18-Jun-15 09:09:34

Does he not do any of that stuff then? Does he know it bothers you?

kitkat1989 Thu 18-Jun-15 09:20:05

ermmmm im trying to think... i think since christmas he has bought me a bunch of flowers when i was really upset once.

its bothered me ever since we got together and he knows it has. i married him despite his flaws and i know im not perfect.

im being irrational its not the be all and end all of a relationship. thanks for the replies mners

Vivacia Thu 18-Jun-15 09:25:04

I don't think that not being romantic is a flaw blush (I'm not romantic) but perhaps it's an incompatibility?

Does he show his love in other ways?

mistymeanour Thu 18-Jun-15 11:09:35

People show love in different ways. This is quite superfical but is often recommended by counsellors www.5lovelanguages.com/

Some people need to be told explicitly what they need to do to make you happy.

Vivacia Thu 18-Jun-15 11:32:10

How often?

pocketsaviour Thu 18-Jun-15 12:10:27

I don't think one bunch of flowers in 6 months is too bad, tbh, I only expect to get flowers on special occasions (birthday, valentines, mothers day etc.)

I was going to suggest the Love Languages test but misty beat me to it! Do have a look at it and ask your DH to also do it. You may find he is already doing things that express his love for you, just not in the way you might expect.

Lweji Thu 18-Jun-15 14:31:49

Were the flowers when you were upset with him, or at something else?

CateCadiz Thu 18-Jun-15 16:51:52

Be careful what you wish for. I know someone who regularly receives flowers, expensive gifts, surprise romantic weekends away. Unfortunately, so does her husband's various OW...unbeknown to her.

DorisDazzler Thu 18-Jun-15 22:17:35

Everyone's different but a lack of affection would really bother me. If you stopped being affectionate and thoughtful would it bother him ?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now