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Should I stay or should I go now

(12 Posts)
Stuckhere123 Wed 17-Jun-15 22:57:16

Not trying to be flippant but thought this title might resonate with mums of my age! So the story goes .... Lovely DH 2dc 15 and 18. I have always felt inferior to him. He is a lovely guy - you won't find any woman to speak bad of him - he works in a mainly female job - but also has many male friends. Anyway - long story short - crux of the matter is I feel I am second to what he wants.

I have been a bit of a nightmare the last 12 months with the menopause and stress from work. I have not been a good partner - drinking too much -ashamed to say I slapped him twice - and have spoiled many nights out with the drinking. But - we have still had a great sex life - really great without going into too much detail - have also worked in high powered job, done 99% of the kids stuff - but I admit I have probably been embarrassing many a time due to drinking too much.

Anyway - having a lovely night tonight when he says to me .... I will let you f*ck me tonite. So I say ....no, it should both of us. He says .... Ok....then watches TV for 2hours then says again ... So when you gonna f*ck me? This is when I get annoyed and say ..... When you going to respect me and give me some " romance " and not treat me like a piece of meat? I am not a hearts and flowers person but if. I have already said I don't want just "lets f*ck" is it too much too expect a little romantic talk? Now he is away in a bad mood saying - it was a joke cos I know what you are like - so making me feel like I am nuts cos I wanted a tiny bit of foreplay. Answers on a postcard please...

AnyFucker Wed 17-Jun-15 23:17:30

Have you been drinking tonight ?

you sound a bit ermmm, wired

AnyFucker Wed 17-Jun-15 23:18:04

tired and emotional ?

Joysmum Wed 17-Jun-15 23:19:23

It's clearly a problem for you and he clearly knows that and was deliberately winding you up.

For me, DH and I do romance sometimes and sometimes we just like sex so what was said wouldn't be a problem for us in our marriage.

We are not you though.

Sounds like you've got a number of problems, have you both talked about them and what are you both doing to improve things?

Cabrinha Wed 17-Jun-15 23:23:04

If you still have a great sex life despite being together for a long time, presumably you both know what turns the other one on. So presumably the "I'll let you fuck me" line is usually OK?

You sound very emotional. I would say leave it tonight, and tomorrow night talk to him if things aren't right, if he makes you feel like a piece of meat.

Have you sought any support for your drink problem? It's not acceptable that you have assaulted him.

Stuckhere123 Wed 17-Jun-15 23:26:54

I have not had any alcohol tonight. Have been cutting right down owing to drinking too much recently. So .... Tired and emotional...probably yes but drinking....no, not tonight.

Stuckhere123 Wed 17-Jun-15 23:33:41

Cabrinha - Yes, you are right - this sort of thing would be ok but I specifically said I wasn't up for that tonight and wanted the more romantic side of things but he still repeated it.

I have been getting medical and psychological help with my alcohol dependency and have been alcohol free for 2 weeks and trying to keep it going.

Thanks for every one for taking the time to reply.

Cabrinha Wed 17-Jun-15 23:55:47

I can only imagine how hard those two weeks have been, well done!
Again I'm only imagining this, but surely it's a bloody hard time emotionally, going through that? So you may be quick to be angry with your husband and might need to just write that off.
Or he may be a total arsehole and without the drink to help you cope with that, you won't put up with it any more. Which is why I hope you have good support. Good luck flowers

Stuckhere123 Thu 18-Jun-15 00:03:45

Cabrina - 2weeks off but it's actually been ok - I was always a "social drinker" "so never craved it and didn't really miss it - although doesn't I haven't been out of order - but not drinking hasn't been too hard. I just need to work out if it's me looking for probs - or if it's our relationship causing the probs.

LucySnow12 Thu 18-Jun-15 10:09:47

Drinking is no good. And I think for the sake of your kids, you need to stop and give them an example of someone in control of themselves. Someone who cares more for them than a glass of wine. My father had a drinking problem, and it left life-long scars on me and my siblings. That said, menopause can make you crazy. I had no idea how many symptoms there were for menopause. If you haven't, look them up. Your reaction may have more to do with menopause. I hope you can be strong.

Twinklestein Thu 18-Jun-15 10:36:06

Are you still in this high-powered job and doing 99% of the kids' stuff?

ImperialBlether Thu 18-Jun-15 10:42:19

"I will let you fuck me tonight" - what a prince.

It's no coincidence that many women who live with men that everyone loves end up drinking more than most. It must be lovely for him to be loved wherever he goes; less lovely for you to have to do virtually all of the work for the children. Does he show all his friends photos of the children? Brag about them? I've known men like this who love their children SO much that they tell everyone about them but don't actually do anything for them.

Well done re the drinking. You've done really well. It sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with booze and with your husband when you're drinking so it's great you're stopping drinking. Now you have to consider whether, when sober, you still feel as angry towards your husband. Did you feel that was only something you could show when you were drunk?

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