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My reasons. I can't give in again

(53 Posts)
IsItEnough Wed 17-Jun-15 22:51:47

My 3 yr old asking me 'why daddy doesn't like you mummy'

My 3 yr old putting her hands over her ears and going 'aaaaaaaaa' cos daddy raised his voice.

My 3 yr old asking why is daddy angry again mummy

My 3 yr old whispering to me after he has left the house 'I don't want daddy to talk anymore'

Being told it's all my fault

Being screamed at because my memory of any event isn't the same as his and that must mean I'm calling him a liar

Being called a liar. A lot

Being ignored

Having any and all efforts rebuffed then being told how I never try. (Not talking sex. But everyday life)

Having to accept that things I don't like will be said to me and then when I'm upset being told to get a sense of humour. Lighten up.
Then having to endure him being upset that I am upset. And then that being my fault.
So being ignored for it.

Being told that he isn't ignoring me. That he just doesn't have anything to say.
Including hello, goodbye, thank you or are you ok etc.

Having him go from calm to tornado fury in a split second and being called all the names under the sun.

Never ever getting an apology.

Making me feel like a shit person when I'm not.

For refusing to let me have anyone at my own wedding ( I know I shouldn't have married him but I did. In an effort to prove my love)

Not being allowed to even talk about the future. Possible purchases or holidays because it makes him angry that he can't afford them at this very fucking second so we can't even talk about what we might like to do with our lives.

For moving himself onto the sofa because our 6 week old DS was disturbing him too much at night.

For complaining about sleeping on the sofa while I selfishly had the whole bed to myself.

For insisting DS be circumcised.

For not buying me a wedding ring for 3 years and belittling me by making out I was all about the material things.

For picking fights prior to every occasion. Birthdays, Valentine's, anniversaries. And thereby never getting me cards or gifts.

For saying I don't deserve gifts.

For pushing me when I was pregnant. Both times.

For keeping a picture of his first wife hidden away in his 'important documents' - it's not the photo that bothers me. It's the hidden and the temper tantrum that followed my finding it.

For always saying we will do things but never doing them.

For always being late for everything.

For hiding the fact he is an award winning bell end until after I was pregnant with dd.

For fooling me for so long.

I could go on and on.
But tonight I told him that he is a bully. And that I've endured as much as I can for my children's sake. But that it doesn't benefit them anymore so I want him gone.
He left in a temper but he will be back and then he will flatly ignore me until I give in.

Oh and it's the first day of Ramadan tomorrow and he is a Muslim so he will be 100 times more miserable then normal as he doesn't do Ramadan for the right reasons so he is a fucking grumpy surly Bomb waiting to go off for a month.

I don't love him. I don't even like him.

These are my reasons. And I will add things as I think of them to try to keep myself strong.

Truly40 Wed 17-Jun-15 22:57:34

It's more than enough. Don't give in, keeping adding to your list, and maybe give him a copy.
Stay strong xx

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Wed 17-Jun-15 23:00:39

Bless you, it sounds awful. You can file for divorce and most likely get him out of the house. Or you can make plans to leave yourself. You don't have to stay with him because he bullies you into it flowers

PuellaEstCornelia Wed 17-Jun-15 23:07:32

You don't need a reason, sweetie, but any one of these would be a deal breaker. You deserve better.

CocktailQueen Wed 17-Jun-15 23:09:43

Wow. Change the locks and don't let him back in. Well done. flowers you will be much happier without him.

IsItEnough Wed 17-Jun-15 23:10:25

For every time I ever tried to 'talk' being yelled at that I always pick the worst possible time.
But there is no good time. Which only means we can't talk.

IsItEnough Wed 17-Jun-15 23:16:20

The way he looked at our 10 month old DS the other day after he pulled his sisters hair and the way he said 'he enjoyed that. He was laughing'
I did say 'Because he is 10 months old. Not because he was being naughty and hurting her'
But the way he starred at DS with a angry look just made me go cold

GiddyOnZackHunt Wed 17-Jun-15 23:16:39

If your username means you're asking "Is it enough to justify ending the relationship?" then the answer is categorically yes. Several times over. He doesn't treat you with any respect, give you any love or value.
He isn't worth any more effort.

IsItEnough Thu 18-Jun-15 02:28:57

For the ridiculous way he shows he is annoyed - all the time by everything - by sighing.
And you can gauge the level of his annoyance by the depth and length of the sigh.
This is a sound now that really winds me up

For never showing me any affection unless he wants sex.

IsItEnough Thu 18-Jun-15 02:29:57

For the ridiculous way he shows he is annoyed - all the time by everything - by sighing.
And you can gauge the level of his annoyance by the depth and length of the sigh.
This is a sound now that really winds me up

For never showing me any affection unless he wants sex.

Lweji Thu 18-Jun-15 02:36:43

You don't want to is reason enough.

What help do you need to leave him, or to make him leave?

Have you been in touch with Woman's Aid?

FastWindow Thu 18-Jun-15 02:41:10

I would hope you are a wannabe novelist but sadly I have had much of the same (with added bruisy bonuses) so I know you aren't making it up.
Find a way to get rid. Safely. Then really show this excuse for a man the door.
Make it extra fun by making him a packed lunch? (flippant = my way of coping with every bit of shite)

Limer Thu 18-Jun-15 07:41:26

Please get help to make him leave. Get him away from you & your children. Did he come back last night? Don't give in, keep strong.

And you should do the same, FastWindow, if you haven't already.

IsItEnough Thu 18-Jun-15 07:49:48

For the way my 3 yr old now thinks it is ok to ignore me when I speak (this could be normal toddler stuff but I feel like she sees it and copies)

IsItEnough Thu 18-Jun-15 08:05:10

When my DS bit and cut my nipple and he couldn't think of a single thing to say

Inexperiencedchick Thu 18-Jun-15 08:29:57

You have allowed a lot, please stop here.

You are better off without him.

Time when you have to prove someone something is the time to walk away.
You had to walk away not marry him.

But it's never too late.


Anniegetyourgun Thu 18-Jun-15 09:07:29

By stop I think the pp meant stop letting it continue, in which case I thoroughly agree. Enough is enough. By all means carry on letting off steam if it helps, but don't let it be a substitute for getting this ghastly sounding man out of your children's lives. You have the right not to put up with this.

BifsWif Thu 18-Jun-15 09:19:27

Please don't give in. For your children, and for every other reason you've listed don't give in.

His behaviour is damaging your children, your daughter will grow up thinking this is acceptable behaviour in a relationship. It sounds awful, you deserve more.

Lweji Thu 18-Jun-15 14:37:21

Right, how will you leave?

IsItEnough Thu 18-Jun-15 16:18:02

I won't. He will. Flat is in my name. And he has no legal rights to be here.

Getting him to leave is a whole different story though. I could call the police but I have no one to come and be with my children while they come and remove him and I don't want my 3 yr old witnessing that. Next opportunity when she is at nursery is Monday.

He is acting like everything is normal now. Which is another reason. I fucking hate how he explodes and then after he's caused devastation he acts like nothing happened at all! No apology, no talk. Nothing.

QuiteLikely5 Thu 18-Jun-15 16:24:19

Bloody hell. Please please do not stay with this vile abusive man.

He is clearly rotten to the core and you know it.

He is dysfunctional and will stay that way.

All you need to do is refuse to let him back in. When he bangs on the door calmly tell him to leave or the police will be called. Then call them.

Your poor daughter. Clearly she is witnessing domestic abuse and in doing so is suffering emotional abuse at the tender age of 3.

He is never going to change.

QuiteLikely5 Thu 18-Jun-15 16:25:29

Also sending courage to you. My post seems harsher than I would have liked.

Taking the first step is hard to do.


mix56 Thu 18-Jun-15 17:17:09

Get your paperwork locked up before you tell him you are divorcing him, in particular your children's birth certs & passport. do not keep them in your flat, give them to your mother or some safe place.
Copy all paperwork, tax returns, etc, open new bank account in your name & move all your money into it. Change your passwords on phone & email, make sure all "clouds" are disactivated
make an appointment with a divorce solicitor,
line up all the ducks, then change the locks, & tell him he is gone.
You have done enough, he will not change,
it's over

PoppyField Thu 18-Jun-15 17:49:01

Are you married OP? Sorry if you've told us that already.

PoppyField Thu 18-Jun-15 17:49:41

And I'm sorry you are suffering this appalling man. You don't need any more on your list to find a reason to get rid.

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