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A few days before I leave (petrified)

(10 Posts)
1Cheesedoff Wed 17-Jun-15 22:10:07

He doesn't know i'm leaving in a week. I have a rented property to go to. i am so frightened I will fall apart before then. I feel as if all my motivation as left me. I cant think straight, eat or sleep. I know its for the best. How did you feel when you left?

ImperialBlether Wed 17-Jun-15 22:12:46

Are you safe if he finds out?

Justmuddlingalong Wed 17-Jun-15 22:15:09

I was shitting myself. I thought I wouldn't cope, wouldn't settle and would never be happy again. Oh, how wrong I was. I had a wobble about 2 weeks after leaving, when I really considered going back. I didn't go back and am now truly happier than I have ever been. Good luck, flowers you can do this.

Croxlea Wed 17-Jun-15 22:32:02

Well done you. I am close to this not sure how to do the last step.

Hassled Wed 17-Jun-15 22:35:39

If you can get through tomorrow, then you're 1/7th of the way there. Get through Saturday, 2/7ths. That's manageable - you can do that. You'll be there in no time and then - onwards smile.

1Cheesedoff Thu 18-Jun-15 06:38:13

Thank you for encouragement, I am safe but he has totally detached and just doesnt speak. I know I have got to go but dreading it as well. It makes me sad that I have a lovely house and security and I am leaving this behind. He has buried his head in the sand for to long. How do you cope with all this anxiety. I feel so overwhelmed. My stomach just keeps turning over. Please more encouraging words. x Justmuddlingalong so pleased for you. Have you children? Any tis on how you coped?

yougotafriend Thu 18-Jun-15 08:26:49

I left in November, I was lucky that I got the keys to my new place a week before so started moving bit by bit. He knew as I'd had to discuss the seperation of finances and obviously noticed car loads of my stuff being gradually driven away.

It was still hard on the final day I wanted him to be out, but he came home literally as I was loading the last bag into my car (my friend was with me for support. Will anyone be there for you?). I said goodbye & it was tearful but I haven't regretted it once.

I have 2 late teen DS btw, they stayed at "home". It's all working ok so far, I'm skint & I'd like to see my boys more than I do but it's still way better than the alternative of staying with stbxh.

You can do this, to have found a rental without him even noticing just shows its the right decision.

MollFlounders Thu 18-Jun-15 11:20:39

I did this, too, six years ago this July (where did all the time go??). I found a rental and moved there with my then 9 month old DD. I was petrified of what the consequences would be. I was so much under the influence of XH that I thought he might try and kill me. And I'd been so beaten down by his treatment of me during our seven year relationship that I was petrified as to whether I could cope on my own. Well I'm still alive and life has been wonderful ever since (despite having to deal with five subsequent Court hearings - three attempts by him to get full residence of DD, one attempt by him to get financial support from me, and one brought by me after he withheld DD's passport to try and prevent me from taking her on a family holiday).

I don't know your background, and I haven't posted for years, but something about some of the current threads running about women in simply dreadful relationships has touched a nerve.

Leave, rebuild, your future awaits - and it is going to be SO much better than the past that has brought you to taking this last step.

Good luck. flowers

scallopsrgreat Thu 18-Jun-15 11:30:56

I remember your thread Moll (it was one of the first I read on MN and it gave me a few lightbulb moments in previous relationships I'd had). Is your Ex still have deep and meaningful contemplation sessions in churches? wink So glad you are enjoying life away from him x

1CheesedOff - I'm not surprised you are worried. It is such a big time. Keep reminding yourself of the reasons you are leaving. Write them down if you want. Focus on the next step you have to do this week to get you to that point. Don't think too far ahead.

You are doing the right thing flowers.

MollFlounders Thu 18-Jun-15 12:06:06

Ha!!! Scallops! The church! OMG it's such a long time since I thought about that! Hilarious. Thank you so much for reminding me of that particular low point!

1CheesedOff - I made lots of lists in the week before I left. From emotional ones (Why I was leaving. What I liked about myself) to really practical ones (Moving List, What I Need to Buy, What I need to Photocopy) etc etc. It keeps you busy and makes you feel in control when you're otherwise in total crisis.

Stay strong; you are nearly there and you are going to get through this week, this move, and every day that follows.

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