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Narc Mother and Flying Monkeys

(5 Posts)
sodastreamgetbusywiththefizzy Wed 17-Jun-15 09:26:19

I went NC with Narc Mother last summer and recently the DCs have seen her. They are now trying their hardest to get me to contact her. I am starting to wonder if she is doing the Flying Monkeys scenario. DD1 saw her on Monday and has hardly spoken to me since, it is all very one word answers and not leaving her room. How can I find out what, if anything, Narc Mother said to her?

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 17-Jun-15 09:32:48

You have learnt a harsh lesson and your mother is using your children as flying monkeys.

How old are your children?.

I have to ask why your DC have seen your mother at all bearing in mind that you are no contact with her?. If she is too toxic for you to deal with she is certainly too toxic for your vulnerable and defenceless children (they are certainly no match for a narcissist grandparent). Narcissists tend also to either over value or under value the relationship with their grandchildren and they make for being deplorably bad grandparent figures.

I would not contact your mother as this would break your own no contact with her as well as it being no point. She will never apologise nor accept any responsibility for her actions.

Why is your DD refusing to leave her room, you have to go in there now and start talking as well about what your mother has said to her as well as your own reasons to go no contact.

DogWalker75 Wed 17-Jun-15 09:33:50

How old are your children? Can you sit them down and discuss it calmly with them, or are they too young to understand? If the latter, then if say they're also too young to see her without your permission. I'd seriously be considering stopping contact. My dad did this to my sister; conspired against my mum and fed her a load of lies. It has really ruined their relationship even though my sister can now see him for what he was.

Meerka Wed 17-Jun-15 10:03:21

I'd try very hard to find out what the hell she's been saying.

Depending on the variety of toxic your mother is, she might have been dropping nasty comments or coming out with outright lies twisting things or plain making 'em up. Not all of them are like that, but many are.

As attilla says I'd very seriously consider stopping contact altogether if you can and explaining why in age-appropriate terms. Too toxic for you, too toxic for your children.

FolkGirl Wed 17-Jun-15 18:58:02

I'm nc with my mother for 'narc' reasons. The final straw for me was when she started on the children.

Too toxic for you = too toxic for them.

Mine know they to ignore her if they see her out and she tries to make contact.

I know my mother will try to turn them against me when they reach 18. I caught her trying to do as much several years ago. But my son knows enough.

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