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Cotton forgot how to maintain her dignity

(93 Posts)
handfulofcottonbuds Tue 16-Jun-15 23:15:07

Today I let myself down sad

For 18 months, I have maintained my dignity.

My very STBXH left me for OW after we lost 2 babies and young children in our families after saying that if he stayed with me, there would always be drama!!

Tonight, I finally lost my rag and emailed him to tell him that he had an awful body and really, really bad breath and that his OW was only with him for his money.

He didn't reply.

I am one step away from my Absolute.

I let myself down - please, please make me feel a little better. This is my first wobble towards him and I hate myself for admitting it. Help me?

answersonapostcardplease Tue 16-Jun-15 23:17:04

What caused your reaction? Ahh well truth hurts. Twunt, him not

AnyFucker Tue 16-Jun-15 23:17:56

I don't see a problem here.

CocktailQueen Tue 16-Jun-15 23:19:45

So what? Did it make you feel better? Hope so!

Jenoftheweek Tue 16-Jun-15 23:20:27

From what I know about dignity, yours appears intact.
Truth will out.

DragonsCanHop Tue 16-Jun-15 23:21:01

Your first wobble took 18 months to come out.

There you go.

Be prepared for a nasty email back though flowers

Coco0123 Tue 16-Jun-15 23:26:35

Don't hate yourself! In my own miserable experience of twatish exh, what I really regret are the things I didn't say.
He may not have seen the email yet anyway, but please don't be thinking you have let yourself down, in time to come you will feel better and stronger for having done this thanks

MarinaCoyle Tue 16-Jun-15 23:26:48

We've all done it. I'm very impressed you've lasted this long.

I read a book once (can't remember which) containing a character who, every few months, "drew a line under what went before and declined further responsibility". I liked the idea so much I memorised it and it has been supremely helpful in getting me over some of my most spectacular "oh fuck " moments.

The fuckwit deserved it. Now draw your line and pretend it never happened. What email?

handfulofcottonbuds Tue 16-Jun-15 23:30:03


It was another £700 bill from my solicitor and then my STBXH emailed me as well to ask if I had signed the papers and put the house on the market. I am so utterly tired from it all.

I've paid so much in legal fees because of his dick and I'm so tired.

I try so hard to maintain silence and my dignity but he emailed me as well as my solicitor to chase me up.

I said he had no right to call the shots after what he's done - fucking controlling still!! Why so much pressure?

I had surgery a week ago and it's been the last thing on my mind but now he's not only emailing my solicitor but me too!

So I replied........................and added in that I hated his body and his breath stinks.

This isn't me sad

Sammasati Tue 16-Jun-15 23:30:28

You are doing amazingly well, please don't feel that you have let yourself down, 1 wobble in 18 months! Come on cotton head up and walk tall (((hugs))).

stareatthetvscreen Tue 16-Jun-15 23:33:09

we've all been there

i call them 'my eastender moments'

handfulofcottonbuds Tue 16-Jun-15 23:34:12

Please help me.

I'm so sad for letting myself down when I'm so close to the end.

ClearEyesFullHearts Tue 16-Jun-15 23:34:27

I don't see a problem here.

Bwahahahahahaha, AnyFucker.

MarinaCoyle Tue 16-Jun-15 23:37:11

Jesus Cotton, in view of all of the above you are MORE than justified in what you said.

I know it'll still feel shit because now he gets to briefly occupy the moral high ground and you feel like the unstable harpy (like I said, we've all been there). But at the end of the day you're a lovely, cool person who's just had a brief wobble whereas he's a shit EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK.

answersonapostcardplease Tue 16-Jun-15 23:39:25

Look, your human. Fuck him.

MarinaCoyle Tue 16-Jun-15 23:41:13

Sorry for all the caps. But I really feel for you. You're only human. This doesn't define you or make you any less dignified. Draw a line. Stop letting it matter. You deserve better than letting yourself feel bad about this.

Chin up. Move on. Thank fuckety fuck he'll be out of your life very soon.

Hobbitwife001 Tue 16-Jun-15 23:44:15

I don't see a problem here either, at least you didn't also call him a complete cunt which is what I did, blush
Forget about it, you're only human, he was insensitive and manipulative, and you'd just had surgery fgs.
You haven't let yourself or indeed anyone down, you are nearly there , it's just a tiny, inconsequential dip.

Anniegetyourgun Tue 16-Jun-15 23:44:45

Just think of all the far worse things you have every right to say and congratulate yourself for keeping most of it in. Did you manage not to call him a contemptible fuckwit? Then you are a saint.

DragonsCanHop Tue 16-Jun-15 23:46:24

Once in 18 months, you are a legend in my book.

Just try to go back to radio silence now flowers

sassandfaff Tue 16-Jun-15 23:48:07

cotton I lurked on all your threads. I may have posted, I can't remember.

You had a lot of posts about dignity and holding your head up high and being the better person etc, as everyone victim to infidelity does on the relationship boards.

However, that is the ideal. I doubt it is managed by most, and although it is said to be helpful, it is also probably a cause of anguish for those the majority who don't quite manage to adhere to it.

You are only human. And like pp, you probably lasted a lot longer than most.

I wouldn't have even tried. I have a acid tongue and he would have got it both barrels a lot earlier than 18 months that's for sure!

Does that make me lesser than someone like yourself? I don't think so, so you shouldnt think you are lesser, beçause you caved after 18 months.

handfulofcottonbuds Tue 16-Jun-15 23:52:10

Thank you all flowers

I pride myself on maintaining my dignity but after 2 glasses of wine tonight after surgery last week, I just lost it when he was chasing me up.

I know the bad breath thing will really sting him and much as I have been through hell, I don't ever want to make someone else feel bad - stupid isn't it?!

Also, I never wanted him to know how I felt but was so angry at the solicitor fees when he was going to email me anyway!

handfulofcottonbuds Tue 16-Jun-15 23:54:31

I just feel so childish and like I've let myself down as he will think I still have some feelings. I'm so sad.

HelenaDove Wed 17-Jun-15 00:00:20

Once in 18 months is very restrained Cotton. Please dont beat yourself up about it thanks

handfulofcottonbuds Wed 17-Jun-15 00:05:26

I forgot how empowering MN is. It's been a while since I started a thread.

I feel so bad for my wobble and wish you could all come and give me a shake!

I feel I've been stitched up as (and I know it's vulgar to talk about money) but he earns over £3k a month more than me plus his OW - he'll be laughing!!

All those plans, all those memories, just gone!

HelenaDove Wed 17-Jun-15 00:22:25

Hes an arse. He will always be an arse even if he starts to shit pure gold coins.

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