I desperately need some advice on this and I have no one to discuss this with. I have n/c to avoid being outed. Here goes... I have a school age child and I have been single since dc was a baby. Not even a whiff of a man and for the most part I wasn't bothered. I also felt so bad about myself that I couldn't believe that any man that I was interested in would like me.
Last year I met a man who is single, but due to other circumstances he was 'off limits' to me. I fell for him and I knew my feelings weren't going to go away, so I joined a dating sight to distract myself and to make myself consider other possibilities and just to see if there were any men that I liked that I could build a friendship with. This worked, I got to 'know' a couple of men and I met with one and it helped boost my self-esteem. I was upfront about just wanting friendship so no one was deceived.
My feelings for the original man persisted, as I had anticipated, and I got to know him better over the course of this year. I felt he respected me but I didn't know if his feelings were deeper than a professional relationship. I learned that our circumstances were going to change and that a relationship would no longer be a complete non-starter, but not necessarily without issues. So, I made a decision to ask him out at the time this change would occur and I have spent ages looking forward to it, as well as feeling pretty hopeless and anticipating rejection, but I felt I needed to do it as I have liked him for so long.
Just before my opportunity came to ask him, I was contacted on the dating site by a guy who really stood out to me. I put him off as I was busy and I wasn't really interested, but I thought I really should at least see if there could be anything between us as I thought I was a bit obsessed with the original man and I may have been just imagining mutual feelings between us. In the meantime, an opportunity to see man 1 fell through so I asked him out by text and heard nothing back. I got in touch with dating site man and it turns out there really does seem to be something. We have spent many hours chatting online and I am aware of all the pitfalls of OD but this feels very good and he has talked about meeting up more than once and I would like to meet him if the current good feelings I have continue.
In the meantime, before I started to have strong feelings for man 2, man 1 texts back and says he would like to meet up and we made arrangements to meet next week. I had only suggested something very low-key and day time, not a 'hot date'. However, my feelings have really changed and I care for him but when I think about him, I see him in a different light. Now, I know this is only a low-key friendly thing, but my original intentions were much more than that and I expect my feelings have been very plain to him as I'm not good at hiding them. I like and respect this person. I also know he is vulnerable and I don't want to mess him about. Of course, he might be thinking, ok I'll just meet her and let her down gently. I cannot believe he will think I have no agenda at all. I also don't know what to say to OD man, whom I have been very honest and open with about everything else. There is a feeling of warmth and intimacy between us and I want to be honest with him and not mess things up.
Please can anyone help me make sense of this and work out what to do?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Please give me some advice - single for years then getting to know two men
timescrossword · 16/06/2015 19:44
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