Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Disinterested GPs

(11 Posts)
KERALA1 Tue 16-Jun-15 10:27:27

When do you actually just give up with the whole grandparent thing? ILs have made it so clear our DC don't even feature on their list of priorities. Excuses not to see them range from "we might have paperwork" to "we can't leave the cat"

They live overseas and are back in the country for a month, admittedly a 3 hour drive from where we live. We have offered to visit them (refused). Now it seems they are not coming to see us, even for a few days, because their guttering needs clearing and this will take a month hmm. So they will head back overseas without having seen their grandchildren and this doesn't seem to bother them in the least!

I totally get they are not that into us and that is fine. But really cannot get my head round not wanting to see your grandchildren! Not biased at all but mine are easy very pleasant and at lovely ages when they are keen to see their grandparents (this won't last when hormones kick in I guess). Struggling to empathise with/understand them. And am giving up now on the whole relationship. I don't mention them anymore as DD1 asks why we don't see them and what do I say "they cannot be bothered with you darling". Anyone else?!

pocketsaviour Tue 16-Jun-15 15:01:04

Give up and don't bother! As you've discovered, it's hurtful for a child to hear "they can't be arsed with you". (I'd probably go with something like "They're very busy" at this stage - if your DD queries it at a later age, just tell her factually that you have invited them many times but they have always turned you down, and that some people who happen to be grandparents don't actually want to be grandparents.)

I'm assuming they were neglectful/abusive to your H?

Ohfourfoxache Tue 16-Jun-15 16:16:03

Sod them - they are the ones missing out. Have you posted about them before Kerala? I seem to remember they're not particularly nice people.

Fwiw I'm in a similar boat - they will only see ds (only gc) if other people put the effort in. But being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right, and they are the ones missing out when all is said and done.

operaha Tue 16-Jun-15 17:26:43

my parents rarely see my children. I've made sort of peace with it, they live abroad 9 months a year. when they're in our home town they never ever ask to see the kids, wouldn't cross their minds.
never really babysat when they were little, still say things to my sister and I if we mention having more kids one day "oh god don't, I couldn't cope" seriously
we've just learnt to accept it.

No they weren't abusive or neglectful.

sassandfaff Tue 16-Jun-15 22:13:15

My film has seen his 3 GC less than 10 times in nearly 5 years. They have asked who is daddy's daddy, but I just said his name. They haven't connected that he is grandad.

His loss.

They are beautiful, wonderful, funny and smart. And they make me laugh and smile every day.

I cannot comprehend how he can just ignore them, so I don't even try. He must be missing something. <shrugs>

sassandfaff Tue 16-Jun-15 22:13:32


KERALA1 Tue 16-Jun-15 23:03:01

Just that I saw a heartbreaking program about gps denied access to their gc, usually parents of crap sons where the marriage had broken down and the dil froze them out. These people were heartbroken, poring over photos etc such a contrast to mil breezily saying how they weren't going to get to see the children on this visit hey oh maybe at Christmas?!

Cannot imagine being so dismissive and utterly unconcerned about building a relationship with my own gc....

sassandfaff Tue 16-Jun-15 23:36:11

I was/am a dil who facilitated contact between my dd1 and my exp's parents, as he has nothing to do with them. They still turned on me when my dd1 wanted nothing to do with exp.

There's nowt as queer as folk.

Aussiebean Wed 17-Jun-15 08:59:34

Four weeks old baby. Apart from phone call from my dh when he was born informing her of the birth I have heard nothing from my mother. No call, no card nothing.

She only knows his first name from my brother.

You move on and enjoy the relationship with those who do actually care.

KERALA1 Wed 17-Jun-15 09:19:22

Yes that must be right aussiebean. Selfishly it's great, they are not good company so more than happy not to see them. And my dc have lots of great loving adults in their lives. Dh politely disassociated from his parents years ago so is baffled as to why I bother - which I won't now of course.

Just really really don't get how you can ignore your gc! will respect their choice but will never understand it.

Only1scoop Wed 17-Jun-15 09:22:51

You have done the right thing to offer and suggest getting together.

I think your DH's reaction says it all really.

It's still hurtful though I get where you are.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: