I am a woman who was born and raised in Manchester, England who moved to the United States in 1978. Been married for 36 years. I have three children. A son 34, and two DD's age 33, and 20.
My oldest DD lives with her boyfriend roughly 200 miles away from us, and I know for a fact that it is a rocky relationship and has been for the past year and a half. She has had at least three broken long term relationships. Late last night I sent her a text asking if she had met up with my youngest DD at a concert she was supposed to attend with her in Atlanta (my youngest had arranged with her older sister to go together and had purchased tickets). She replied to my text that she had a botox appointment first thing in the morning and a meeting she had to attend so didn't go to the concert. I just replied with an "OK" and left it at that. I fully understood she had other more important things she had to do for work, and lifestyle, so didn't think any more of it. Three mins later I get another text from my oldest DD, and it says...."I FUCKING HATE YOU". I was instantly shocked and replied "why???". She then went on a rant about what a terrible mother I had been and that I was a crazy bitch who had ruined her life, and I was the main reason why all her relationships fail. She told me I was the main reason she never did normal things like chit chat on the phone like all her friends do with their mothers, and that she never wanted to speak to me ever again. She also said that I was the reason she could never have children because she believes that she is a crazy bitch like me, and would never do that to her kids. I replied that I was so sorry if I had ever hurt her or her feelings as a child, and to forgive me if I had. She told me to "stop typing" and to never contact her again. I showed her dad the text, and he thought that she was drunk and fighting with her boyfriend. I tried to call her but she didn't answer my call. I know that my daughter and her boyfriend drink whisky and they smoke. My husband and I have an occasional glass of red wine, do not smoke, and are basically boring. I cried for about an hour after this text, and finally fell asleep around 3 am. When I woke this morning I tried to call her again to see if she was ok, and she didn't answer. I also text her this message...."I can't stop thinking about your message to me last night and I would like us to get together to talk about what is bothering you. I truly love you, and want to discuss what is hurting you. Do you have any vacation time coming up that you could take off for a couple of days? We could go to the beach and try to reconnect as mother and daughter again. Please give me a chance...I can't stand to know you are hurting and would do anything to make it better." I didn't get a reply.
Can anyone relate to this or give me some advice on how to handle this situation? I am totally gutted and don't know how to deal with it. My other two children look up to me, and have never talked to me like that. I know I wasn't the perfect mother. I did shout at the kids a lot, and occasionally had to punished them. My husband was away with his job for weeks at a time, and I had no family close to relieve some of the stress. I kept active with the children. My son had baseball, and my eldest DD was a national baton twirling champion and trained 3 to 4 hours every night at the gym which I know was grueling work for her. I could see that she didn't like it, and I wanted her to quit, but my husband said that she had a great talent, and that if I let her quit she would forever be a quitter. She continued, and ended up with a full scholarship to college as their "Feature Twirler" for the band and I was proud of her achievements. However, I feel that she blames me for not letting her quit, and that she hated me for making her continue. What should I do?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Painful Text From My 32 Year Old Daughter.
ukusa1950 · 15/06/2015 17:05
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.