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WTAF!? Mother's confession.

(14 Posts)
FinishShiny Sun 14-Jun-15 22:34:54

I have name changed for this. DM has confessed that she has worried since I was a child that DF sexually abused me.

She actually asked if anything had 'happened'. Now! I'm 40 & she's asking me if I remember anything now!?

This is so very strange & dysfunctional in a way that I just can't get my head around. She's always been a bit dismissive of me & my feelings, she can be distant & self righteous but she's been a good mum, she's a decent person I guess. This has freaked me out.

He absolutely didn't by the way. I'd hate him (or anyone!) to know what she's said. I'm not drip feeding, I just don't know what else to say.

NoArmaniNoPunani Sun 14-Jun-15 22:36:57

Odd, I wonder if she was abused. Horrible thing for her to suspect about her husband.

CarbeDiem Sun 14-Jun-15 22:43:35

Has there been any other accusations in the past? What gave her the impression that he had abused you?
It seems such a strange and very wrong thing to say.
Is she psychologically sound?

justbatteringon Sun 14-Jun-15 22:46:51

My mum once asked me if my step dad sexually abused me. He was a horrible man when he wanted to be but never did that thank god.

justbatteringon Sun 14-Jun-15 22:49:05

She's an odd woman.

JustHavinABreak Sun 14-Jun-15 22:50:35

Any idea what prompted this OP? Has she recently heard about someone else being abused? Is she seeing some kind of therapist where the issue of abuse has come up in conversation and it's making her ask strange questions?

FinishShiny Sun 14-Jun-15 22:57:37

She's psychologically sound & she isn't into drama for it's own sake. She's never said anything like this before.

Me & DF were very close when I was a child, I adored him. Always on his knee. He would sleep in my bed a lot, for no reason apparently. I don't know why he did but it wasn't for that. DH & I regularly wake up in a different bed than the one we started off in, for a variety of reasons.

younggifted Sun 14-Jun-15 22:57:43

That's strange op. I imagine it's quite upsetting and unsettling.

Is your relationship usually good? Is she a good person? Your description of her is a bit conflicting op. Is there any reason why she might want to turn you against your DF? Did you ask her why she was asking?

My DM accused my DF of sexually assaulting me during their extremely messy divorce. He never did. Years later she said he hit her. I don't believe he ever did. But she's a mad narc and twisted in extraordinary ways

younggifted Sun 14-Jun-15 22:59:29

X post

I used to sleep in my DF's bed a lot and I think that's what made my dm go down that train of thought.

Maybe your DM didn't ever have that closeness with her parents and has subsequently questioned it?

FinishShiny Sun 14-Jun-15 23:02:34

Nope, this is out of the blue. Said she's always thought it confused

She was happy enough to accept my answer, like it was a relief but it felt oddly casual for such a subject.

I honestly can't stop thinking about it. I didn't tell DH.

younggifted Sun 14-Jun-15 23:03:57

Maybe talk to your DH about it Op

NoArmaniNoPunani Mon 15-Jun-15 06:08:47

She always thought it but didn't try to protect you from it? Even odder.

FenellaFellorick Mon 15-Jun-15 06:15:05

She always thought he was abusing you, but she sat and watched you on his knee and didn't stop him getting into bed with you?

Are you sure there is nothing the matter with her? Just because someone has historically been 'ok' that doesn't mean that nothing can become wrong. iyswim.

If I genuinely thought my child was being abused, I would get them out of that situation. At the very least I wouldn't let the suspected abuser sleep in their bed. She says she watched all these things that made her uncomfortable at the time and did nothing? If you had been being abused, that would have been horrendous, wouldn't it?

I think you should make sure your mum is ok.

FinishShiny Mon 15-Jun-15 23:54:37

I don't know what she would have done if I'd said 'yes, he did'.

What could be wrong with her? I'm not sure what you mean.

Another thing is, how can you be with someone for 30 years & suspect this? Surely if you believed your DH capable of that you'd leave..? I've known him all this time & I do not believe him capable.

Also I hate that it pops into my head when I see him now, like it tarnishes our relationship. And when I leave the DC with him, I think of it & I'm very, very sad about that! He would be too.

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