Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
How do I know if he's changed?(6 Posts)
I've been with my DP for two years. He has always been loving and thoughtful and caring. Of course he still did stupid things that pissed me off but all in all, we were pretty much perfect together. He was affectionate, always telling me he loved me, would send me nice little texts etc not huge gestures but little things that made me feel loved.
Then from about April, he suddenly changed towards me. It was pretty much overnight. I know the honeymoon period doesn't last forever but this was different. Suddenly he had no time for me, was always busy elsewhere, barely spoke to me at all. We don't live together at the moment so I only see him part of the week. When he wasn't here he wouldn't call and I'd be lucky if I got one text at gone 11pm saying he was going to bed. He started seeing his friends instead of me. When he did see me, he wasn't affectionate at all. Never told me he loved me, was actually kind of mean to me, saying mean things etc. He would just sit there ignoring me and texting his mates. I started to get annoyed, I felt like I wasn't a priority at all. I was fed up of being ignored and feeling like I was just there as a convenience when he had nothing better to do. I didn't expect him to be at my Beck and call all the time but a bit of recognition wouldnt have gone amiss. I don't see him part of the week, it would have been nice if he didn't use the days he was supposed to see me to see his friends instead. I told him that if this attitude didn't change then I was done. I was fed up of spending nights in tears because I'd made plans for us and he's seen his friends instead or he's just not spoken to me at all.
Anyway it all came to a head last weekend and I ended up saying I'd had enough. He was apologetic etc and since then he's been almost back to himself. He's been affectionate, telling me he loves me a lot, just being really nice and lovely. But I don't know how to feel about it. I don't know whether he genuinely has changed or whether he's just luring me into a false sense of security then go back to ignoring me and being a dick. Am I best just cutting my losses? Or should I give him this one last chance? I really want to believe the last couple of months were just a setback and he's over it but I'm just not sure and I don't want to have to go back to that because it made me so miserable.
Has he talked to you about why he has been acting like this, or has he basically just said he's sorry? It could be that the relationship has run it's course, or he might have some things on his mind that are bothering him.
If you could find out from him why he has changed since April then it might give you some idea of what to do for the best.
Well it sounds like he wanted out of the relationship with his behaviour, and my suspicions would be that he'd met someone else, but she's now knocked him back, so he's keeping you in fallback position... sorry I know that sounds horrible.
The only way you'll know if he's really changed is to give him enough rope to hang himself, if you know what I mean. Maybe give it a couple of months and see how things are then?
I've talked to him but he never opens up about his emotions or feelings. I asked was it something I'd done and he said no. He seems to want to make this relationship work as he keeps saying he doesn't want me to end things and he wants to prove to me that we should be together. I'm just skeptical because what if THAT was the real him? And the lovey dovey stuff was all an act and he just got fed up of keeping up the pretence but now I've nagged so much about it he's had to put it back on for a while to keep me sweet? And I've been cheated on before, I am VERY against it. DP has been quite badly cheated on in the past too (his best mate was sleeping with his girlfriend behind his back for months) some of his behaviour and attitude was familiar to me from when I was cheated on like always being on his phone and being "too busy" etc. When I confronted him about it, he looked really offended and said "it's really hurtful that after all we've been through you'd think I'd do something like that." But I guess you can't really trust anyone, no matter how sincere they seem.
I just don't want to end up going round in circles. I want to believe that the last few months was just a glitch and now we're back to normal but I just don't know.
Join the discussion
Please login first.