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Please help - have no idea how to do online dating, some simple questions!

(44 Posts)
LeeMee Sun 14-Jun-15 06:27:39

I have come out the other side of a long divorce (has been years) and a disastrous first relationship with someone I knew locally and have decided it's time to start getting out there!

However I am very nervous of starting this whole process for a number of reasons.

1. I run a large company - I know some of my employees do online dating. Am I going to make a fool of myself if my profile suddenly turns up on say Match.com? Should I try and avoid mainstream sites and go for something else? Would you take the piss if your female boss was doing this?

2. I get the feeling the way this works is that everyone local will be able to see me (is it done by postcode?). Given that I went out with someone local I could do without that but I'm guessing that you have to do this? I live in London but in a small part of London where I know a lot of people (!).

3. Am terrified! Although I'm pretty confident in real life, I am not confident at all with dating!

If anyone could be any help or give me some tips I'd be hugely appreciative!

(Ps have name changed!)

BugPlaster Sun 14-Jun-15 06:49:10

It's been years since I was online dating but it's how I met my husband. I think you should make light of the fact you'll be spotted by people you know (employees/ colleagues need not apply, or something)and open your search a bit wider than your part of london. You will forget you were terrified once you start chatting to people online.

justyeh Sun 14-Jun-15 06:51:04

Hi op, just don't put a photo of yourself on the site, send a pic privately to suitable suitors. If your on a site that uses postcodes then yes you will see local people who may know you and employees which could be embarrassing, so I would definitely recommend remaining anonymous and just make contact with the ones that you like and have something in common with, at least that way you won't get the naked pics sent to you and the usual what you wearing babe or hey what u up to responses.

LeeMee Sun 14-Jun-15 06:56:12

How do you make it anonymous? (Am totally clueless)

Lovingfreedom Sun 14-Jun-15 06:56:18

There's no shame in online dating now and the more people who know you're looking for a partner the better so just go for it. I know a local businessman who is on OD near where I live. It's not embarrassing or inappropriate. Make sure you conduct yourself honourably and keep the photos tasteful. Good luck...sure you will be inundated.

LeeMee Sun 14-Jun-15 06:57:02

Bug, how lovely you met your husband like this! smile

LeeMee Sun 14-Jun-15 06:58:45

Thanks loving. I know it's quite mainstream now - the company I work for is majority male (it's a v make industry) and I just get the feeling I am going to get the piss really taken out of me! Am also a bit concerned that suppliers/customers will see too!

LeeMee Sun 14-Jun-15 06:59:57

Male not make

Do you use your own name to do it? I am also searchable and because I'm a director, I think my address is not so hard to find so I'm a bit concerned that I am too findable if that makes sense

Hidsup Sun 14-Jun-15 07:01:41

I could write a post similar to yours and online dating filled me with horror.

I did advanced search on plenty of fish to see other profiles and get a feel for what's out there. I then joined and left immediately ��

A few weeks later I joined again and also joined Match but hid both profiles after a week. I cant decide if I'm not ready or if it's just not for me. I'm lonely today and would like a partner however

Pointlessfan Sun 14-Jun-15 07:02:03

I met my husband online too. It was a few years ago and I think the sites have moved on a bit but my advice would be to get a close and honest friend to read your profile and help you choose some photos to use. My friend helped me realise where I was going wrong and got me to sell myself better!

Hidsup Sun 14-Jun-15 07:03:46

You don't use your name. I share your pain on being recognised. My business 'profile' is professional. Revealing the personal side of me to who knows??? made me feel vulnerable

Pointlessfan Sun 14-Jun-15 07:04:25

No you don't have to use your own name. Also if you meet someone make sure a friend knows where you are going and text or call them to let them know you are safely home. Good luck and have fun!

Hidsup Sun 14-Jun-15 07:06:03

What sites... Is the other thing. Everyone slated Plenty of Fish on here but I have a friend (professional woman with PhD) who was successful on there. Another friend who slated it sat down with me to look through POF and said it had many men who were also on Match.

FolkGirl Sun 14-Jun-15 07:10:19

I did online dating. I was worried about being recognised by someone I knew, but it never happened. I saw a couple of people I knew and just thought, "ha, no way X is on here!" and that was it.

On match, yoy give the first part of your postcode and can then choose what you want the area listed as. Amd there's nithing to stop you giving a slughtly different postcide if you want to be more anonymous. Say, the next area along.

I have found it useless for finding a partner, but very good for practising dating and getting used to meeting people I don't know I'm no longer frozen in fear or tongue tied on a first date.

Give it a go and if it's not for you, stop it.

LeeMee Sun 14-Jun-15 07:10:22

Thanks everyone. Hidsup - did you put a picture on?

LeeMee Sun 14-Jun-15 07:11:49

Thanks folk. I will definitely be recognised that's what concerns me but if I didn't put a pic on or my real name, I might get away with it though I guess profiles without pics are probably regarded with suspicion anyway!

LeeMee Sun 14-Jun-15 07:12:44

Hidsup - someone told me yesterday they had had great success with guardian soulmates! Though not too sure that's my cup of tea smile

Fairylea Sun 14-Jun-15 07:30:04

I met my dh on plenty of fish.

When I registered I gave a fake address and postcode that was some 30 miles away so that I didn't come up in local searches. I didn't want to be recognised. It did mean however I needed to be proactive in searching for those who were "really" local to me and told them I did live close by. I messaged dh first. We went for a coffee as day time meets are always best short and sweet in my opinion - so you can run if you need to! We got on amazingly and our day time date ended up being 4 hours long...!

Been together nearly 6 years and have a little son now too. (I also have dd aged 12 from my first marriage).

Good luck. smile

Hidsup Sun 14-Jun-15 07:36:55

I do have a photo on there. My profile is hidden and I'm thinking of staying hidden but making contact with anyone I fancy. Tbh there are very few of those!!!

When I went on there a few weeks ago I came off pondering if I'd become asexual because I really struggled to imagine myself with any of them.

Hidsup Sun 14-Jun-15 07:37:36

I hear good and bad about every site tbh.

Hidsup Sun 14-Jun-15 07:39:59

Prompted by this thread I've just gone back on and found a guy saying very little about himself but stating the woman has to be slim (or average weight as he'd get her into shape anyway)

It's this sort of remark that makes me despair.

LeeMee Sun 14-Jun-15 07:46:24

What is a hidden profile? Does that mean people can't see you but you can see them? That sounds like a good way to start for me...

I guess like real life Hidsup, there will always be some right wankers. Way I see it is at least comments like that help you filter them out quickly ;)

Hidsup Sun 14-Jun-15 07:50:18

On POF you can set up profile then hide it but still look.

Yes useful filter to spot the morons and then not waste any time

LeeMee Sun 14-Jun-15 07:56:41

Ok I am in the set up a profile page (describe your personality in one word I mean fgs!)

Once I've done that, where do I go to hide it? This is terrifying lol

Hidsup Sun 14-Jun-15 08:12:08

Top right is a edit profile button. When you click it you get various tabs and on mine "edit profile" there is a sentence saying your profile is hidden press here to I hide. I imagine yours would be the reverse of that.

I've messaged you

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