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Am I a crybaby or is it him?

(23 Posts)
bucksfizzz Sat 13-Jun-15 23:40:36

Just wanted to check this as feeling a bit unsure in myself.

I've been on two dates with a man, DTD a couple of days ago, nothing serious really. I've also been having some emotional difficulties, brought on by a past bad experience that haunts me really and triggers me at times. With an "anniversary" date and difficult situation looming up in a couple of weeks I found myself feeling quite low and made an appointment to go and see a counselor.

She chatted it through with me and said she thinks I have PTSD, brought on from quite severe shock / emotional trauma / emotional abuse from a loved one and someone I trusted who did awful things to me (really awful, really shocked me). I've been experiencing quite difficult symptoms, like bad nightmares and flashbacks and have lost interest in things I used to enjoy and find it hard to connect emotionally. I also find it hard to remember a big chunk of my life around the time it happened.

So anyway, the guy asked me why I was quiet / not texting and he said he felt a bit upset because I didn't like him and rushed off after sex. I explained to him it was me, not him, and that I was having a few unsettling emotions unrelated to him that I needed to deal with.

He asked me to talk about it and said I could tell him anything so I bit the bullet and told him about the counselor and what she'd said and told him a bit of what happened to me.

Then he basically disappeared for a few hours. I wasn't that fussed as obviously not everyone wants to date someone with those sort of things going on and I wasn't that fussed.

Then he texted a while later saying he was really sick of listening to cry babies and had no time for it, and me saying I had PTSD was disrespectful and belittled soldiers who'd seen limbs blown off.

I don't really know what to think...is he right? Or was he just horrible to me? Lost all perspective.

Not that I care about him or what he thinks, he's practically a stranger, but it just made me feel like I'm being self indulgent with the counselor and all confused really.

missqwerty Sun 14-Jun-15 00:31:00

To put it bluntly. He's a cunt! He badgered you to spill, you did and he got nasty. You aren't a cry baby, PTSD can be triggered by anything very stressful that you witness or that happens to you.

He's a tosser and I advise you to stay clear. Stick at your counselling, get yourself to a good place and maybe read a few self help books about healthy relationships before you interact with a man again in the future. There are good men out there, even if your only after something casual you still deserve respect. He sounds a nasty piece of work and very ignorant.

Jackw Sun 14-Jun-15 00:31:11

He's horrible. Obviously has no understanding at all. What a silly comparison about the soldiers. Ignorant twat.

You are not being self indulgent or a cry baby. You have had hideous experiences and now you are doing the strong and sensible thing and addressing it with your counsellor.

PeppermintCrayon Sun 14-Jun-15 00:39:05

He is an ignorant, selfish bastard. Research has shown that PTSD from abuse is worse than that experienced by soldiers. I'm so sorry you had to listen to this heartless, stupid bullshit at a time when you are feeling vulnerable and upset.

This sounds exactly like PTSD, by the way. I'm sorry he proved unworthy of being trusted with your story. I think you've dodged a bullet here.

There are good men out there. He is not one of them. But that's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong here.

Oldisthenewblack Sun 14-Jun-15 00:47:28

He is and idiot. And totally wrong. He clearly knows nothing about PTSD or he'd realise that it's not just soldiers that suffer from it. Trauma of any kind can trigger PTSD. You are well rid of such an ignorant excuse for a 'man'. And the irony of him talking of you apparently disrespecting and belittling soldiers, when that's EXACTLY what he was doing to your feelings! and the the information you trusted him with.

You are nowhere near a crybaby, you are taking steps to help yourself and get through this difficult time. It's totally him!! Absolute eejit.

Talk about this to your counsellor and I'm sure you'll have reassurance from that quarter too.

bucksfizzz Sun 14-Jun-15 00:57:29

Thanks for that, it made me feel really crap.

He said he knows a lot about ptsd as his ex worked for a charity and apparently me saying that I had it was a horrible thing to say because he knows the real devastation it could cause for people.

molyholy Sun 14-Jun-15 01:00:45

What an ignorant tosspot. At least you found out early on OP.

PeppermintCrayon Sun 14-Jun-15 01:01:04

That sounds like gaslighting. That, and bullshit.

I know lots of people who know about PTSD. None of them would say something so ignorant.

PTSD from abuse IS real devastation. Block his number?

bucksfizzz Sun 14-Jun-15 01:03:06

I doubt he'll contact me again. He thinks I'm crybaby :/

I'm not that upset or anything, I didn't really know him that well so it;s not a big deal, I just wasn't sure if he was right or not.

mrstweefromtweesville Sun 14-Jun-15 01:04:34

What a louse. Ignore. Block. Delete. From the phone, yes, but also from your mind.

BurntToast89 Sun 14-Jun-15 02:55:47

PTSD is no contest. It affects everyone in different ways whether that be abuse or a soldier seeing his mate being blown up but its still the same illness. To go off research is wrong try asking the people who go through it or have been through it first hand.

TopCivilServant Sun 14-Jun-15 03:10:35

What a total prick. at least you found out that he's like that before getting too involved with him.

Sorry you're going through this. I've worked with soldiers with PTSD and have seen it Leave people too terrified to leave the house, waking up screaming at night, turning to alcohol because it is the only thing that stops them constantly reliving the trauma. Horrible. It is awful that someone who supposedly has experience with PTSD can be so dismissive of it. I hope you don't let his opinions upset you flowers

MiscellaneousAssortment Sun 14-Jun-15 03:17:00

It makes it worse that he claims to know about PTSD then behaves like that.

Thank goodness he showed who he is before you really fell for him.

Wanker. angry

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Sun 14-Jun-15 04:56:03

In future, don't talk about personal, sensitive stuff with guys you've only been on 2 dates with. You had no idea whether you could trust him with that stuff and clearly you couldn't, and now you're doubting yourself. You didn't need to justify your behaviour to him in the first place - what made you think you did?

squareheadcut Sun 14-Jun-15 05:10:38

Yes I agree with above you are in no way a cry baby you are sensibly dealing with an issue. This guy is certainly not worth listening to at all. Disregard his comments.

Joysmum Sun 14-Jun-15 08:36:02

Let me put it another way:- he could see you were upset, he knows it was bad enough for you to seek professional help. He SHOULD have been concerned and wanting a magic wand to take all your hurt away. He SHOULDNT be belittling your feelings, attacking you emotionally and then fucking off.

This isn't you, it's him angry

goodcompany2 Sun 14-Jun-15 09:58:16

You are vulnerable. Please nurture yourself. For me that means no sex with guys you barely know and no deep personal conversations either. It's not a judgement, it's to protect your feelings. Develop a friendship and closeness before you trust them with physical or emotional intimacies. Maybe get yourself healthy first before any more dates.
He wasn't for you and honestly would most people want to begin dating someone who has so many unresolved issues? Ditto, don't get involved with anyone who needs fixing. Work on the most important relationship, the one with yourself.

bucksfizzz Sun 14-Jun-15 10:19:57

Sorry I didn't tell him about this stuff for any other reason that he asked and I wanted to talk to someone. I just felt like talking because I don't mention this stuff to my friends and family (who wants to hear this!) and I wanted an ear to listen to me. Agree was probably stupid to entrust a relative stranger, but sometimes it's easier to talk to strangers.

To be honest I knew he wasn't for me before this...it was just a casual thing. I know I have deep issues connecting to anyone and I was probably being a bit selfish by telling him at all.

LazyLouLou Sun 14-Jun-15 11:52:25

It is him, stop worriting at it.

Tell him he is an ignorant, insensitive, self centred twat and get on with supporting yourself through this.

SolidGoldBrass Sun 14-Jun-15 12:38:18

He's a knob. Cut all contact with him and move on. And think of the good side of this - you have found out early on that he's a knob. If you had continued in a relationship with him it would have become abusive, because he's a knob who doesn't like women.

pocketsaviour Sun 14-Jun-15 12:42:13

Jesus christ on a bike, what an absolute fucking cunt.

"Thanks for letting me know early on what an ignorant misogynist cunt you are. I hope you fall on your face in a pile of steaming dogshit and it ruins your favourite shirt, you fuckbag" would about cover the reply for me, but then I'm evil grin

dangerrabbit Sun 14-Jun-15 12:46:03

Obviously he's a cunt, but I'm glad you've found this out before getting involved with another abusive tosspot.

Onwards and upwards

GatoradeMeBitch Sun 14-Jun-15 13:50:29

Don't give him the chance to contact you again. Block his number and be glad you found out what a knobhead he is early on so you didn't waste much time on him.

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