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What to say when you just want me time?

(12 Posts)
loveyoutothemoon Thu 11-Jun-15 11:04:04

Hi everyone.
What have you said to a newish partner when you just want some 'me' time? Or what do you suggest? How do you not hurt their feelings?
Thanks

Handywoman Thu 11-Jun-15 11:12:55

Just tell them you already have plans to read a book/go for a walk alone/whatever. Because it's important that you look after yourself. It's equally important that you let this newish partner know you aren't afraid to:
1) schedule 'me time'
2) be assertive about it. Notice I said assertive, not 'rude'

It's important that a newish partner discovers who you are, even if you are feeling a bit insecure right now (understandable when starting out with someone).

The alternative is that you start to 'lose yourself' and it's not hard to end up on that slippery slope! (Been there, done that).

GrumpleMe Thu 11-Jun-15 11:26:37

It's really important that you do this from the start. If it scares him off, he wasn't right for you.

Schedule it in. If he suggests doing something together at that time, just say 'thanks, but I've got a few things I need to do. How about xyz instead?'

loveyoutothemoon Thu 11-Jun-15 11:40:44

Thanks for the replies. I have done this from the start, which is good and he is really understanding. I still feel bad though. He'd be happy to spend all weekend with me. I don't see him in the week because of my children.

Joysmum Thu 11-Jun-15 12:37:05

Totally agree with the others I love my me time and made it clear from the start I like being on my own occasionally. It's not a judgement on anyone else, just something I like and need for me to function best.

wingsflyby Thu 11-Jun-15 12:49:58

How much me time? It depends how he sees it, I suppose. Is he ok with it so far? Are you against a whole weekend together?

CheersMedea Thu 11-Jun-15 16:14:46

I don't understand the question to be honest. What the hell is "me" time? Presumably you are doing something with your "me time" not just sitting in a dark room staring into space.

Just tell him you have plans. If it's new partner, I honestly can't see how this even could be an issue. It's not like you are living together and just want to sit quietly in another room say to read a book . . . He only gets to see you when you see him.

SolidGoldBrass Thu 11-Jun-15 20:32:41

If he's newish and already bleating that he wants to spend every second of available time with you, bin him and move on. He's either abusive and controlling, or he's an inadequate whinyarse with a fairly empty mind who can't even read a book for an hour, and you will have to put up with him plucking at your sleeve and pestering for attention even when you're having a prolonged and noisy shit.

Vivacia Thu 11-Jun-15 20:42:23

How much time are you picturing?

pocketsaviour Thu 11-Jun-15 22:43:19

CheersMedea you're obviously not an introvert smile

In the sense OP means, it's time alone. Without other people around, with their irritating noise and breathing and shit. And it's essential to regain energy after spending time with other people.

Isetan Fri 12-Jun-15 14:48:38

If he genuinely isn't making you feel guilty, why do you feel guilty? What is it about fulfilling your own needs that appears selfish to you?

If you're in a relationship where an important need isn't being met, the fault usually resides in communication and/ or compatibility. Start getting in the habit of being vocal about your needs, telepathy rarely works.

Annarose2014 Fri 12-Jun-15 16:01:20

When I started dating my now-DH he would say "I need some (insertsurname)-time"

It was a good way of phrasing it. I never took it personally because it sounded so neutral. And later I adopted it too, except using my own surname of course!

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