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Silly argument

(62 Posts)
CranstontheCorgi Wed 10-Jun-15 22:27:32

Partner and I have been under a bit of stress lately, not connected to our relationship, and had a silly argument on my doorstep at the weekend that led to him driving off in a huff.
I refer to him as my partner, we don't live together but have plans to move in together in the next few months, so my point is, it's a serious long-term relationship.

We're an older couple so we don't tend to text/email each other all day, but he does usually call me each day on his way home from work and we normally see one another 4 or 5 nights a week.
However, the argument was on Sunday lunchtime and I haven't heard from since.
Have I been dumped? Or is he waiting for me to make the first move?

I'm still pissed off with him and suspect he is with me too, so not sure what's going on or what to do next.

Joysmum Wed 10-Jun-15 22:36:05

Either you've been dumped or he's playing games, he might even think you're playing games.

Dumped or not, don't move in together until you have learnt to communicate.

CranstontheCorgi Wed 10-Jun-15 23:01:12

I agree joysmum, our communication was fine until recent months but with work and elderly parent stress recently we do seem to have lost the ability to talk like adults. We've been a bit snappy with each other.
I've got some of his stuff here, including a work laptop, I presume he'll contact to pick it up at some point.

mynewpassion Thu 11-Jun-15 01:43:18

Is the OP playing games by not contacting him or is it only when the male partner does it? OP have you dumped him?

Serms to me the both of you are sulking or angry or whatever and waiting for the other person. Who's going to blink first?

Maybe send a olive branch text asking about something not related to the argument.

CranstontheCorgi Thu 11-Jun-15 08:57:56

I do see the point about how this can look like I'm playing games, but it's totally out of our routine for him not to call me on a week day.

At the weekend we call each other, but the way his work is, and has been for the several years we've been together, means that he's the one who calls on a week day, and usually on his drive home from work. We catch up and make plans for the evening. I never call him on a week day, we both know that, and so when he didn't call me on Monday evening I was a bit surprised. Then no call on Tuesday and so on.

As I said, I have his work laptop here and some other stuff. If I'm dumped, he does have to come to pick it up at some point. confused

ravenmum Thu 11-Jun-15 09:18:29

I assume you know some other way that he's not in hospital or something?

CranstontheCorgi Thu 11-Jun-15 09:39:26

Yes, raven, his colleagues would have contacted me by now if he wasn't turning up at work.

popalot Thu 11-Jun-15 09:46:05

It depends what the row was about. Must say, I'm surprised you haven't called him as it is so out of the ordinary after several years in this relationship. Give him a buzz just to see if he's ok.

LineRunner Thu 11-Jun-15 09:47:06

He's hurting. You're hurting.

My DP and I don't live together either. It has masses of advantages; and also disadvantages. One of the disadvantages is that we can go for far too long not talking properly when pressure and stress rain down upon us.

I would contact him and tell him the truth. You're worried and you want to see him. See what he says.

Was the argument really 'silly'? Seems like it mattered a lot to both of you.

ravenmum Thu 11-Jun-15 09:48:41

Sounds like he might be playing games, but that doesn't mean you've "lost" if you phone him yourself and ask what's going on; it just means you're not playing. How about phoning and asking if everything is OK to shame him a bit?

HeyDuggee Thu 11-Jun-15 10:26:54

if he calls you same time every day on drive home, it's hardly difficult for you to figure out what time to call him, is it. why aren't you?

ravenmum Thu 11-Jun-15 10:31:42

It is a bit horrible calling someone when you think they're deliberately snubbing you....

CranstontheCorgi Thu 11-Jun-15 10:44:07

Exactly what raven said.

At this point I don't know whether he's;

a) still annoyed and needing time out before he's ready to talk. Although 4 days seems excessive

b)trying to decide if he wants a permanent out from the relationship or

c)has already decided he's had enough and is going to tell me in his own time

and he must know that I'm sitting here wondering WTF is going on!

DipsoHippo Thu 11-Jun-15 10:52:47

Instead of wondering, can you not just ask him? I appreciate that you don't normally ring him, but things aren't "normal" (for you) at this stage.
If you can't ring him at work, why not drop him a text?

He could be thinking something along the lines of you're mad at him / you've dumped him etc (essentially the same things you are wondering about), and has maybe decided to wait to see if you want to make contact

Either way, if you're in a long-term relationship, isn't it worth making an attempt to find out what the story is? Otherwise, what? Never contact each other again over stubborness or whatever?

ravenmum Thu 11-Jun-15 11:13:43

Why do you think he wants to dump you?

wingsflyby Thu 11-Jun-15 13:07:46

I would just address is head on and ask what he's playing at. (Non aggressive). No point just wondering.

ImperialBlether Thu 11-Jun-15 13:15:00

Oh I wouldn't be in at the normal time when he calls in.

CranstontheCorgi Thu 11-Jun-15 14:12:47

I didn't think he wanted to dump me at all until this happened. I thought i was in a committed relationship.
But if he can treat me like this - just not contact me for days - then I don't feel he can care about me very much? Perhaps he's trying to punish me or something or just doesn't care. I don't know.

I'm scared to contact him because I don't want the relationship to end and don't want to hear it. On the other hand I suppose I need to know if he has had enough.

ravenmum Thu 11-Jun-15 14:19:33

You haven't contacted him, either, though, so you're treating him the same ... the only difference being the technicality that it's his (inofficial) "turn" to make contact.

How is your self-esteem? Is he usually in the driving seat in this relationship?

CranstontheCorgi Thu 11-Jun-15 19:39:38

he probably usually is in the driving seat, especially mostly because he works much longer hours than I so we spend time together when he's free and so on. but I don't think he's kind of in charge in a bad way.

self-esteem is on the floor, but it's something I've always struggled with. Wondering why you asked?

Still heard nothing. My stomach is now in knots because of feeling anxious about what's going on.

LineRunner Thu 11-Jun-15 19:48:12

Please just call him.

TheNewSchmoo Thu 11-Jun-15 20:11:49

I think you're being rather childish. Call him.

BackInTheRealWorld Thu 11-Jun-15 20:17:50

If he is the one who calls and now is choosing not to call I'd think he wasn't speaking to me so I'd leave him to it the childish bastard. I've got better things to do with my time than make pandering calls to placate a petulant prick!

I got a bit carried away with the alliteration sorry!

CranstontheCorgi Thu 11-Jun-15 20:22:55

I enjoyed the alliteration, Back. smile

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Thu 11-Jun-15 20:25:44

Just call him! Surely knowing would be better than the knots of anxiety from not knowing? Or send a text. I can't believe it's gone this far.

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