What kind of a man has an affair?

[ohyeahright]

Please, tell me, what kind of a man has an affair?

Not sure how much detail to put on here at this stage but really, is there ever an acceptable excuse for having an affair?
Things haven't been great for a long time but is an affair ever justifiable?

[AlexVausesGlasses]

No. Leave first if you're not happy.

[TangledUpInGin]

No excuse. Ever. If someone is unhappy, deal with it. Don't go shag someone else. Absolute lack of integrity and morally bankrupt.

takes no prisoners

[Twinklestein]

Any man, any woman.

There is no 'type'. The type not to is often precisely the type.

[britneyspearscatsuit]

There i absolutely, unequivocally NEVER an excuse for an affair.

Leave first.

If the desire for the other person is not strong enough to leave.....it should not be strong enough to lie and deceive your spouse either.

[ohyeahright]

So, what if he says he just couldn't leave and was lonely?

[siblingrevelryagain]

Now it's happened to me I'm no longer of the opinion that there is a 'kind'. My ex was a kind a loving husband and father, very strong morals throughout our 18 years together. The very last person you'd think capable of an affair.

Others I have known have been arrogant womanisers, and also some have been run-of-the mill blokes. So I don't think there's a personality trait which lends one to having affairs. It's all about circumstance I now believe (and I guess being able to justify it to oneself through those circumstances).

[SoupDragon]

So, what if he says he just couldn't leave and was lonely?

1. he is lying or
   
2. he should still end one relationship before starting the next or he is a wanker.

[siblingrevelryagain]

Why can't you leave?

[ohyeahright]

And yes, he is precisely the 'type' that seemingly wouldn't - family first, hard working, so decent to the outside world and neighbourhood.
What 'type' of person is he?
So confused.

[Joysmum]

A selfish one who puts their own wants above the needs of there partner.

[Joysmum]

*their

[StaircaseAtTheUniversity]

A weak one. No excuse ever. Talk to your partner if things are bad, leave your partner if you've fallen in love with someone else, but don't fuck someone else.

[noddyholder]

Anyone really The most 'solid' couple in our group of friends stayed together after his affair He was the man least likely to Wife with a career uber mum in fact lovely children lovely life it seemed but he had an affair with someone on work trips over several years and his dw had no idea as he never changed.I still can't believe it when I see them

[TelephoneIgnoringMachine]

A weak, selfish wanker. I could forgive a lot but never this. I know a couple who got past it but their relationship is very odd.

[ArabellaStrange]

There is generally a selfish and entitled streak tucked away somewhere, even if it isn't apparent.

[ohyeahright]

Maybe it's more that I'm trying to work out what he is i.e. selfish rather than the type of person?
If someone told me our situation I can kind of see why it happened but why actually go ahead with it?
He's kept up such a pretence to me and the rest of our world.

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Do you want to elaborate OP?

Support on here is amazing.

[ohyeahright]

I know things aren't right and we've struggled to change the situation, I didn't want him to leave (before I found out) and he doesn't want to leave (and didn't want to before he got together with someone else) now because of dc so why go and have an affair?
It's been going on for months!

[Fairenuff]

There is only one type of person that has an affair, OP.

A gambler.

They are risking high stakes and they think it's worth the risk.

[ducksong]

Someone that lacks willpower, respect and dignity for others. There isn't any reason that can justify an affair.

[ohyeahright]

I'm so angry. Why think you can keep up with your life (we've got a good one) and go out looking for someone else (I found out he went looking!!).

[ALaughAMinute]

I don't think there is a type. Men who are in seemingly perfect marriages have affairs and men in crap sexless marriages have affairs. There's no telling. The most important thing is not to blame yourself.

[ohyeahright]

I'm trying to work out whether I even want him to stay now. That's why I want to know what kind of person he is to be able to do this.

[Sickoffrozen]

Having been on the end of one, at the time I would have answered like everyone else.

As time has passed, I think sometimes people just lose sight of what they have, temptation comes along and they take it. Men certainly do seem to fall into this mid life crisis event when up to that time they come across as perfect partners.

I know a friend who has had an affair. She and her DH have been together since school and have a severely disabled child that takes all of their joint efforts to look after. She hasn't been happy for many years but will not under any circumstances rock her child's world. Her husband wouldn't sleep with her for 7 years. Her self esteem was rock bottom and she fell for someone. She came to her senses after a month and no one is any the wiser apart from me. I don't think it's always as clear cut.

I think the main weakness is being too scared of addressing the problems in the marriage.

It's only you who can decide if you can get past this.

The admittance that things haven't been great for some time would actually spur me to end things and begin a new life for yourself. I did and I don't regret it.