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What kind of a man has an affair?

(77 Posts)
ohyeahright Wed 10-Jun-15 19:03:42

Please, tell me, what kind of a man has an affair?

Not sure how much detail to put on here at this stage but really, is there ever an acceptable excuse for having an affair?
Things haven't been great for a long time but is an affair ever justifiable?

AlexVausesGlasses Wed 10-Jun-15 19:05:23

No. Leave first if you're not happy.

TangledUpInGin Wed 10-Jun-15 19:07:02

No excuse. Ever. If someone is unhappy, deal with it. Don't go shag someone else. Absolute lack of integrity and morally bankrupt.

takes no prisoners

Twinklestein Wed 10-Jun-15 19:09:07

Any man, any woman.

There is no 'type'. The type not to is often precisely the type.

britneyspearscatsuit Wed 10-Jun-15 19:09:13

There i absolutely, unequivocally NEVER an excuse for an affair.

Leave first.

If the desire for the other person is not strong enough to leave.....it should not be strong enough to lie and deceive your spouse either.

ohyeahright Wed 10-Jun-15 19:10:44

So, what if he says he just couldn't leave and was lonely?

siblingrevelryagain Wed 10-Jun-15 19:11:48

Now it's happened to me I'm no longer of the opinion that there is a 'kind'. My ex was a kind a loving husband and father, very strong morals throughout our 18 years together. The very last person you'd think capable of an affair.

Others I have known have been arrogant womanisers, and also some have been run-of-the mill blokes. So I don't think there's a personality trait which lends one to having affairs. It's all about circumstance I now believe (and I guess being able to justify it to oneself through those circumstances).

SoupDragon Wed 10-Jun-15 19:12:31

So, what if he says he just couldn't leave and was lonely?

1) he is lying or
2) he should still end one relationship before starting the next or he is a wanker.

siblingrevelryagain Wed 10-Jun-15 19:12:44

Why can't you leave?

ohyeahright Wed 10-Jun-15 19:13:10

And yes, he is precisely the 'type' that seemingly wouldn't - family first, hard working, so decent to the outside world and neighbourhood.
What 'type' of person is he?
So confused.

Joysmum Wed 10-Jun-15 19:13:14

A selfish one who puts their own wants above the needs of there partner.

Joysmum Wed 10-Jun-15 19:13:26

*their

StaircaseAtTheUniversity Wed 10-Jun-15 19:15:01

A weak one. No excuse ever. Talk to your partner if things are bad, leave your partner if you've fallen in love with someone else, but don't fuck someone else.

noddyholder Wed 10-Jun-15 19:16:40

Anyone really The most 'solid' couple in our group of friends stayed together after his affair He was the man least likely to Wife with a career uber mum in fact lovely children lovely life it seemed but he had an affair with someone on work trips over several years and his dw had no idea as he never changed.I still can't believe it when I see them

A weak, selfish wanker. I could forgive a lot but never this. I know a couple who got past it but their relationship is very odd.

ArabellaStrange Wed 10-Jun-15 19:17:57

There is generally a selfish and entitled streak tucked away somewhere, even if it isn't apparent.

GeorgiaOQueef Wed 10-Jun-15 19:18:20

A cheat and a liar.

ohyeahright Wed 10-Jun-15 19:20:03

Maybe it's more that I'm trying to work out what he is i.e. selfish rather than the type of person?
If someone told me our situation I can kind of see why it happened but why actually go ahead with it?
He's kept up such a pretence to me and the rest of our world.

handfulofcottonbuds Wed 10-Jun-15 19:21:08

Do you want to elaborate OP?

Support on here is amazing.

ohyeahright Wed 10-Jun-15 19:23:51

I know things aren't right and we've struggled to change the situation, I didn't want him to leave (before I found out) and he doesn't want to leave (and didn't want to before he got together with someone else) now because of dc so why go and have an affair?
It's been going on for months!

ducksong Wed 10-Jun-15 19:25:04

Someone that lacks willpower, respect and dignity for others. There isn't any reason that can justify an affair.

Fairenuff Wed 10-Jun-15 19:25:04

There is only one type of person that has an affair, OP.

A gambler.

They are risking high stakes and they think it's worth the risk.

ohyeahright Wed 10-Jun-15 19:26:10

I'm so angry. Why think you can keep up with your life (we've got a good one) and go out looking for someone else (I found out he went looking!!).

ALaughAMinute Wed 10-Jun-15 19:27:22

I don't think there is a type. Men who are in seemingly perfect marriages have affairs and men in crap sexless marriages have affairs. There's no telling. The most important thing is not to blame yourself.

ohyeahright Wed 10-Jun-15 19:29:32

I'm trying to work out whether I even want him to stay now. That's why I want to know what kind of person he is to be able to do this.

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