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(7 Posts)
brokenhearted55a Wed 10-Jun-15 16:35:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeyface Wed 10-Jun-15 16:40:35

They dont change no.

Whether you choose to live with it or leave is up to you, but I chose to leave and it was like I had been living in a house with the curtains drawn, suddenly all the light flooded back into my life and I was happy again.

brokenhearted55a Wed 10-Jun-15 16:52:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pocketsaviour Wed 10-Jun-15 16:56:52

They would only change if the person gets treatment, whether that's counselling or ADs or just a major life overhaul. Or possible if they are alcohol or drug related and the person gets that under control.

I used to have really bad moods. Stemming from Borderline personality disorder which in turn stemmed from the sexual abuse I suffered as a child. I also self-medicated with alcohol, which really didn't help of course, because alcohol is a depressant. I look back now and pity the guy I was with through my twenties. But he was an alcoholic and hugely passive aggressive, in the end I couldn't change myself until I left the relationship.

mommyof23kids Wed 10-Jun-15 20:08:26

I used to have terrible moods because I was selfish, immature and a coward. I stopped when I met my dh, I'd been wanting to for years and making slow progress but have stopped now and am much happier.
One of the reasons I stopped is because I knew my dh had a backbone and wouldn't put up with it indefinitely. He also didn't make it easy for me, if I was in an irrational mood he'd go somewhere I wasn't fond to spend time, like the kitchen table or the playroom. Being in a mood all by yourself is really no fun. It also meant that if there were chores to be done I was stuck doing them myself. Moods are used to punish someone and I kept finding myself in a shit and only punishing myself.
I want to add that I am so much happier now, being a moody tosser hurts your own joy not just the person you love.
Not putting up with the moods and them wanting to change is the key. Without both I don't believe they can change.

ALaughAMinute Wed 10-Jun-15 20:42:12

My husband has always been moody because he's a miserable git by nature! I'm moody because I'm peri-menopausal and both my children are moody because they're hormonal.

Moods eh? Who'd have 'em? hmm

Bogeyface Wed 10-Jun-15 22:53:16

Mommy sounds like your DH read the MN manual on how to deal with a moody fucker! It just goes to show that removing yourself from the moody fuckers radar does work, as you say, you cant punish people who arent there.

Glad it worked out for you. Although you did have a level of self awareness which I think makes a big difference. If you were sure that you were right and he wasnt then I suspect it wouldnt have worked. If the OPs ex has that self awareness and wants to change then maybe he can, although I dont think the OP is the one to do it.

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