My friend has just told me the story of his last breakup, which still affects him to some extent. As such I want to ask for advice on what to tell him, so that I might help.
His ex and he were together for 6 months, breaking up in October due to university.
Apparently they were incredibly intense, a complete infatuation it seems - she talked about the strength of her feelings often, said that she wanted to spend her life with him, that they were soulmates and that she could see their lives, children, home etc. She also wrote these things in a diary according to a friend who has seen it so seemed to believe it to the case.
They decided to try and stay together at distance when both heading off to uni. Within 2 weeks, however, she had stopped texting him, despite having sent messages along the lines of "I need you in my life", "I miss your mind, body and soul" etc.
He was concerned so organised to visit, driving all the way from Exeter to London to see her. On the night he was travelling she cancelled, although didn't actually let him know - turns out she was in another guy's bed - she says nothing happened and he believes her, based upon tone of voice etc, but I personally think SOMETHING must have happened even if they didn't sleep together.
Her apology amounted to a single "I'm sorry", before sending another text to ask him to go to her house (they live in the same area) and pick up items from her parents, despite having done whatever with this guy the night before.
He then drove all that way to find her distracted and teary. She apparently spent a lot of the time avoiding conversation to text this other guy. He says it seems as though she was not thinking about how he felt at all, or about how to treat the breakup properly to show any measure of caring. They broke up that evening when they returned to her accommodation - she apparently got very teary and made him promise that they could leave the door open to reunion in the future, saying she wished she had met him at another time in her life. However, she got out of bed at one point to text this other guy/her new uni friends, even whilst he was still there.
Now I find myself wondering - as I understand it, relationships at distance quite often fall to pieces, particularly in an environment like uni. Now this girl has a history of promiscuity and cheated on her last bf when he went travelling for 3 months, when they had planned to be together, because she "feel out of love with him". She also engages in risky behaviour - drugs etc. She also sounds as though she was very immature, not emotionally rounded, or else she surely should have been able to empathise with him more? Should he still be sad about having lost this one? Or was she just an immature girl who got caught up in the first few weeks of uni and just fell out of lust with her bf? Then didn't know how to handle it - in terms of the breakup etc? So basically, does it reflect on her as a person, or is it just bright lights of london, immaturity etc?
Would really appreciate your help! I adore this guy...
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Relationships
Help me to discuss this with my friend?
Fernando2826 · 10/06/2015 15:31
oh believe me, the troubled tortured deep type gets old FAST! And then you see it as pretentious and childish.
Nobody needs that sort of drama in their lives. It's a gigantic pain in the arse. Take it from a been there done that old lady of 41! 
Calm, stable and laid back - that's the holy grail of relationships. Drama is exhausting and there's only so much you can take of the deep brooding stuff before you start to dream of pipes and slippers
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she didn't behave well, but it's a common story at your age and it's over now. suggest you try to set the intrusive thoughts aside and focus on your social life, work, studies or whatever!
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