I have posted before about my relationship, and I have NC because I just want opinions on the facts given, so I can have fresh input (please be understanding about this!). I am doing better, but I keep questioning my behavior with my ex and wondering if it was me that caused the problems - I guess that's natural but I do tend to blame myself/look at my actions generally, and so this is no different. I think it would just help to understand my faults, I suppose.
We lived together for over a year on the doorstep to his work, and when I got a new job I asked if he would move more to the middle, so our commutes were equal (mine still longer, actually). He was reluctant, despite telling me he wanted to marry me and couldn't imagine life without me. He changed his mind lots, and we got to the point where we were about to sign for a tenancy in the middle of our places of work, and on the morning we were to do it, he changed his mind...again. I was devastated and was angry/upset. His reaction was to disappear to his parents' for 3 days, and to not see me at the weekend because he wanted 'space', all the while telling me he loved me and he wasn't re considering us, but the pressure had just got to him. I was left feeling VERY insecure, confused, hurt, etc etc and very lonely. If I had hurt him I wouldn't have been thinking about me..I would have been doing everything to make him feel loved and to show I was sorry for messing him about.
Anyway, we moved past that, (looking back I'm not sure how, as he refused to live in the middle and we lived apart), and he started being utterly shit at communication. Not in a nasty way, but from one week to the next I never knew when I was seeing him etc. He also started talking to his mum about things, and at one point, another woman, rather than me, which I found unsettling (big things, like where he wanted to live).
BUT, he did some lovely things for me. Buying dinner, always drove to see me, would say he loved me, cook for me, buy me treats etc. And when it all came to a head he said he felt pressured by me. This has made me question myself and who I am... was I wrong to expect my DP to move to the middle when my job changed? Was it unfair of me to be excited about still living together? Was I too intense?
I feel like I acted normally, but him saying he felt pressured has made me query whether the break up was all my fault. It's knocked my confidence in myself in relationships. I don't want to mess up again.
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Relationships
Confidence knocked - did I do the wrong things by my DP?
yourstrulyjudy · 10/06/2015 11:06
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