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Friend, flatmate and mixed doubles partner mess!

(38 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

LooksAreDeuceiving Wed 10-Jun-15 01:00:41

Hello, I was looking for a place to write this all down and get it straight in my head and see who (if anybody) is BU in this case, but think that relationships is probably safer than AIBU!*

So, my main group of friends are from a tennis club. We all see a lot of each other, because between practice sessions, coaching, matches and the odd social there's something almost every night you can go to.

I joined about five years ago, and quickly became good friends with Henry. We never played together, except for fun, but got on very well and he knew everybody at the club, so introduced me to lots of people and basically taught me my way around.

Victoria joined at the same time as me, but I didn't really know her that well at first - we mainly did different nights. After a couple of years we saw more of each other and became quite friendly, and when her flatmate moved out, and I was looking for somewhere to live she suggested I flatshare with her. That's all been going very well, and works very nicely.

Victoria and Henry have never been that good friends, they get on ok but she thinks he's arrogant, and he thinks she can be bossy and difficult. I like them both very much, so don't get involved!

Henry used to play mixed doubles with his girlfriend, but they split up a couple of months ago after she moved to another country last summer and they couldn't make long distance work. He's been quite upset about it, and has been throwing himself into the club. Anyway, he's fed up of not having a partner and asked Victoria to try out with him (he's good so she jumped at the chance to play with him, even though they aren't that good friends). They've had some lessons together and have been practising hard and it seems to be working well.

Anyway, now I come to the bit where it's become a bit of a mess. We had a few people around to our flat at the weekend for dinner and drinks and a film. It got quite late and ended up with just me, Victoria, Henry and another friend, and we decided to watch a second film. I was sharing a sofa with Henry and he put his arm around me while we were watching, so we ended up cuddled up with my head on his chest.

Victoria wasn't happy about this, but said she doesn't want to talk about it. She's now acting completely normally (although we haven't all seen each other at the same time yet...).

I'm not quite sure what I did wrong though - he was the one who put his arm around me, and besides he's still quite cut up about breaking up with his girlfriend. He's quite a tactile person anyway, and if he's a bit tired, has had a few drinks and wants a hug I'm fine with it.

It isn't like he's suddenly going to ask me to play with him instead of her! And if anything, I should be the jealous one, since he was my friend first (childish as that sounds)!

Should I just ignore it and hope it was a result of the wine and that it never gets mentioned again? I know it sounds a bit daft, but I'm such good friends with both of them that I don't want anything bad to happen to either friendship sad

*Names and some details have been changed so it isn't too identifying.

handfulofcottonbuds Wed 10-Jun-15 01:19:47

Welcome to MN

You may find it a bit slow going tonight after tonight's events on here but I'm sure someone can advise you on how to deal with Victoria and Henry soon.

BessieBumptious Wed 10-Jun-15 01:20:05

Yes. Great bonkbuster. But not very gripping, what.

BessieBumptious Wed 10-Jun-15 01:23:26

We never played together, except for fun?? Nice - but you're a bit crap really!! Sorry. Sure you worked long and hard on it grin

Mills and Boon, anyone?

LooksAreDeuceiving Wed 10-Jun-15 01:28:08

Why, what's been going on?

I'm not new or trolling - I namechanged, just to keep it separate from my other posts (although since I found mn by accident and very few of my friends are parents, I'm probably safe!).

It's hardly a bonkbuster (or people would be disappointed if it were supposed to be - trade descriptions and all that grin) - I would say friendships count as relationships just as much as the romantic or sexual kind.

LooksAreDeuceiving Wed 10-Jun-15 01:30:54

Nope all true - although admittedly it's not tennis and they're not called Henry and Victoria (looking at my bookshelf for name inspiration obviously wasn't my best plan).

By played together I meant tennis, nothing dodgy!

LooksAreDeuceiving Wed 10-Jun-15 01:42:06

Seriously though, if I'd just called them X and Y would you have answered the same? I tried to explain fully for background, but in summary:

Male friend and female flatmate are fairly new partners for a competitive sport. We had a cuddle whilst watching a film and it's upset her for some reason. Should I mention it again, or just leave it?

LooksAreDeuceiving Wed 10-Jun-15 01:43:28

Seriously though, would I have had the same replies if I'd called them X and Y? I tried to give background to explain, but basically:

Female flatmate and make friend are new partners in a competitive sport. We ended up cuddled up whilst watching a film which has upset my flatmate. I don't really know why, and don't know whether I should talk to her about it or just leave it.

sykadelic Wed 10-Jun-15 02:23:46

Perhaps she fancies him? Sometimes the "don't like each other" stuff turns out to be they actually really like each other.

Perhaps just say to her "Henry and I are just friends and I'm not interested in him in that way. He's just a huggy person, he doesn't mean anything by it".

JeanSeberg Wed 10-Jun-15 02:31:16

Victoria doth protest too much.

temperamentalamongcorvids Wed 10-Jun-15 04:34:32

I thought this was going to be a "thrilling" depiction of a messy bisexual love triangle/quadrilateral.

redcaryellowcar Wed 10-Jun-15 05:23:38

If it's not really a tennis, then my comment about your tennis club sounding a lot more fun than any I've ever been a member of will be redundant!

Rebecca2014 Wed 10-Jun-15 05:55:41

That bothered you so much you had go online and post about a man hugging you?

PamDooveOrangeJoof Wed 10-Jun-15 07:32:02

I think you both protest too much and that you both have your eye on Henry...

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Wed 10-Jun-15 07:36:30

Victoria fancies Henry.

LooksAreDeuceiving Wed 10-Jun-15 07:37:06

Him hugging me didn't bother - it's my flatmate being unhappy that did. And yes it does, enough for me to be awake at 1 thinking about it.

Perhaps they do like each other (or she likes him). I suppose they're seeing a lot more of each other now, so will know each other better than they used to. I might try to casually mention the just friends thing at some point then, just so she knows.

Tennis/figure skating/badminton/competitive salsa dancing - basically just something where you have mixed sex couples! And I didn't put this at first (so you didn't judge) but it's a university club, so we're all pretty young (although masters/PhD/works around here, hence the over three years timeline).

And I will try to work on my posts not sounding like some sort of pink-covered novel! Good job my degree isn't in English, obviously!

LooksAreDeuceiving Wed 10-Jun-15 08:09:09

No, I don't fancy him. Massive cliché, but it is very much brother/sister. I was very homesick in first year and he was always so nice to me, he's a few years older than me too.

He's had a girlfriend for most if the time I knew him too (from about a year after I met him until a couple of months ago).

AlternativeTentacles Wed 10-Jun-15 08:20:19

Perhaps they do like each other

No shit, Sherlock.

molyholy Wed 10-Jun-15 09:22:04

I thought this was going to be a "thrilling" depiction of a messy bisexual love triangle/quadrilateral


Hoppinggreen Wed 10-Jun-15 09:43:32

And you thought a parenting forum might help you how exactly?

Twinklestein Wed 10-Jun-15 10:52:55

It's more Jilly Cooper than Mills and Boon.

Taking it at face value, Henry and Victoria majorly fancy each other, he cuddled up to you to make her jealous.

Cancookdontcook Wed 10-Jun-15 10:58:11

Your title is misleading! Sounds juicy but really you just put your head on a man's chest.

something2say Wed 10-Jun-15 10:59:48

Hey there.

The whole being trolled thing is makin everyone reticent to believe.

But I will give it a shot.

I think the issue is the cuddle. I don't think that was. Good thing to have one because it's weird. Would you lie there with your head on. Woman's chest? No. It was a romantic thing to have done.

Maybe your friend likes him?
Maybe he likes you and took the opportunity to show her to make her back off?

The question is, do you like him? Are you interested in him? If so, press on but if not, don't cuddle up to him anymore.


Roomba Wed 10-Jun-15 11:11:47

I think you should check his emails. You may find he's been indulging in a sordid pornographic affair with 'henryslittleslut' and that's why he spilt with his DP....

runningvixen Wed 10-Jun-15 11:17:23

I'd just ignore it. They can talk their issues out between themselves; I'm sure they know how to communicate. Of course it is possible that one or other of them is interested in the other or you, OP. But that's for them to mention really. So I wouldn't bother worrying. Life is too short to fill it with other people's drama.

For what it's worth I am a tactile person myself and enjoy hugging and curling up next to people - it doesn't mean I'm interested in the person sexually. In fact it's usually because I'm leeching body heat - the same as cats do blush

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