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Birthday card for only two DC

(5 Posts)
Pensfriends Tue 09-Jun-15 18:39:55

There's a huge back story to this but briefly I am very low contact with my DF due to a falling out with his partner. I've tried to make amends, they'd rather not. I havent spoken to him since the new year however he has sent birthday cards for myself and my sons, as I have for him. Tomorrow is DDs first birthday. Despite being invited he has never met her. He hasn't sent her a birthday card. He knew when she was born as I text him and my brother is in regular contact so I'm sure he knows roughly the date, or could easily find out.

The issue I have is I don't want to get into a situation where he is sending two of my DCs cards but not the other, it doesn't matter so much while she's young but at some point she's going to notice.

We already have a difficult relationship and I'm keen not to make it any worse but I'm going to just have to tell him aren't I? What would you do?

ineedabodytransplant Tue 09-Jun-15 21:28:44

Or you could stop the cards getting to your other children. It's not really going to bother them too much, is it? As long as they're happy, that's all that counts.

I wouldn't waste any time worrying about it. Life's too short.

But that's purely my view, of course.

LineRunner Tue 09-Jun-15 21:33:29

Maybe a card will arrive tomorrow on her birthday.

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 10-Jun-15 07:22:01

You're already in that situation I think where he is sending cards to your sons and not your daughter.

Trying to make amends is all well and good but this never works when you are dealing with what are unreasonable and unfeeling people. Your father being weak (and perhaps wanting a quiet life) has simply sided with his partner. Its of no surprise to me at all to read that your relationship with him is difficult anyway.

Also having any sort of dialogue with such a man is going to be difficult, after all he will likely not listen to what you have to say, let alone change. I fear too that such a confrontation would leave you feeling far worse.

Further lower your contact, why should any bad behaviour of his be at all "rewarded" with any contact ,albeit a card, from you?. You're still trying to seek his approval, approval that he will never give you. It seems that he has never been a good parent to you and now he's also being a rotten grandparent to your children. They do not need such negative role models in their lives.

If your father is too difficult for you to deal with, its the same for you vulnerable and defenceless children. Your sons do not need his cards and nor do you. It matters now that he is doing this and they will all certainly notice as they get older. It could easily damaging their sibling relationships with each other as a result. Do not tolerate this at all and do not accept any cards or communiques from these people.

Joysmum Wed 10-Jun-15 08:01:14

A week after, let him know the card hasn't arrived wink

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