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Turning Tavern - are there any people around from there any more?

(17 Posts)
struckbyabolt Tue 09-Jun-15 11:04:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

toolongwithout Tue 09-Jun-15 11:37:08

Here to hold your hand. I've been there, I know exactly what you're feeling.

toolongwithout Tue 09-Jun-15 11:38:06

Blonde hair, sex on legs.... ahhhh (gentle sigh)

notthestereotype Tue 09-Jun-15 13:12:11

Yep, I was on it under a different name smile That thread, as corny as it sounds, changed my life. It made me realise that I was far from alone and it gave the courage to explore my sexuality properly and I now probably identify as 90% gay. It was/ is tough sometimes for certain people to understand, believe even, because as my name suggests, I don't fit the lesbian " stereotype". I'm very feminine, which honestly made it harder and more complicated to come out. But anyway, that thread meant a lot to me, as you can imagine.

So tell us more OP about your situation.

Be great to hear from all the original TT ladies too smile

struckbyabolt Tue 09-Jun-15 14:47:18

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struckbyabolt Tue 09-Jun-15 15:11:16

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struckbyabolt Tue 09-Jun-15 15:12:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wallaby73 Tue 09-Jun-15 15:27:31

But does it really matter about genders here? You both appear to be in relationships with other people? And yet youseem to be considering embarking on an affair if she's up for it? Am i missing something or is that the situation?

struckbyabolt Tue 09-Jun-15 15:48:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClareAbshire Tue 09-Jun-15 15:59:36

I've had experiences with women, and am married to a man now, so I think there's much room for fluidity in sexuality. However if you say your marriage is happy, where can this go? If it was a man you were falling for it would be looked upon as the beginnings perhaps of an emotional affair.... Is that how you perceive this?

Not being harsh, just trying to understand where you're coming from.

notthestereotype Tue 09-Jun-15 17:32:33

struck, I understand that you don't want to go into too much personal detail, as you don't want to be outed (not like that confused )but I think people are going to be confused as to what it is you're looking for. If you're in a happy relationship, then of course the sensible thing to do would be to walk away and I think you said you were, no? However, you might be in an open relationship for all we know and each to their own, of course. If that's not the case though, I really would try hard to let it fizzle.

When I was on the original TT threads, I was utterly miserable and was very unhappy in my relationship, which just so happened to be an EA one. I didn't want to have an affair and that's not what happened, but having this awakening and sharing my feelings with like minded women, gave me the courage to leave, so it helped me on a number of levels. Yes I was developing feelings for another woman before that relationship ended, but I didn't let anything happen until it was officially over.

AnyFucker Tue 09-Jun-15 18:11:34

I got chased off the TT thread once for daring to suggest that cheerleading women into cheating on their husbands (when no such thing had been previously agreed) was still encouraging deceitful, sly and yes, actually cheating behaviour even if it was with another woman

So I am glad to see some more reasoned responses here

OP, if you want a new relationship, end the one you are in first. Or would that threaten your security, that of your kids and financial situation ? You can't have it both ways unless you negotiate opening up your relationship so your husband gets to seek sexual experiences elsewhere too. Anything else is old fashioned shagging around, no matter which way you swing it.

Happychick94 Tue 09-Jun-15 23:18:05

ummmm me too - very similar. Mine has been going on for about a year. It's hard to tell if it's reciprocated. I feel like I want to get away now!! But I can't because she's my best friend and my worst enemy all rolled into one! We have an intense friendship and maybe it is an emotional affair. She's not married, I am, but not that happily. However I don't think seriously about leaving and I think if anything happened between me and my girl friend it would be a nightmare to deal with! If we are gay then we are massively in the closet :-(

I enjoy the fantasy for the time being and because it's been such a long time I think I've calmed down a bit about it all and become more sensible.

We told each other we loved each other the other day. Is that even normal between female friends?!!

We get close then she pushes me away or I do the same.

You've helped me by posting because all this has just been in my head until now!

As for advice, I think let it all calm down a bit because as everyone else will probably say, an affair is an affair full stop.

I'll keep tabs on this thread, I don't do the forum stuff, so I'm not very good at this sort of thing!!

struckbyabolt Tue 09-Jun-15 23:37:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

struckbyabolt Tue 09-Jun-15 23:41:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker Tue 09-Jun-15 23:41:09

All the time spent emoting about this is energy taken away from your marriage. To me, is is an emotional affair. If my H was having an emotional affair with another man, I would divorce him. Be warned.

temperamentalamongcorvids Wed 10-Jun-15 04:55:18

Your posts read like someone in the grip of an infatuation. They're giddy and breathless and cringey. You seem to be giving yourself permission to obsess over it because you feel the unexplored dimension to your sexuality and so it's somehow more valid than a crush on a man would be. I don't doubt that you are conflicted but I do think you're at risk of doing something unwise. I can't say what I'd do for sure, in your position, but I think I'd take some practical measures in the immediate term;
As with any crush, try to imagine the reality of a relationship with this person, the drudgery, irritations, mismatch of beliefs. this might be challenging while you're in the grip of an infatuation, but give it a go.
Dramatically reduce contact with your friend. You don't want to, I know, but you need headspace, what you are contemplating is massive. You won't get any clarity while maintaining an intense relationship which feeds your fantasies. Talk to your husband, in a hypothetical way, about your sexuality. What made you aware of your bi streak in the past? Tell him. You're going to need to do a lot more talking, so if you're serious, start now.

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