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How would you feel about this?

(15 Posts)
Molly333 Tue 09-Jun-15 06:58:51

I divorced my ex husband nine years ago when he had a hidious violent outburst and
I discovered his affair
.at the time I had a one year old and a six year old and no family of my own for support. His family , the children's grandparents and the children's aunts and uncles all walked away from me and the children , u would not believe how much this has hurt us all especially my daughter who loved her nanny and grandad. They hv never ever sent a card or present for any of the children's birthdays or xmas . Well yesterday I saw my ex sister in law by chance , and I asked her why they had made such a painful decision , she said my ex said we had had a dreadful marriage for years and that I had stopped him seeing the children so he had had to give up on them too!! They believed this and that's why they chose to stay out of it !!!!what do you think ?

wonderingsoul Tue 09-Jun-15 07:09:30

my ex did something v similar, so I can full well belive it, it doesnt excuse them from not finding out them selfs but did make it hurt less knowing that they had been fooled and now had their eyes open.

if they want contact let them do the chasing, they know the truth now so its upto them to sstep up, if they dont, well youv done great without them so far and youll continue to

QuiteLikely5 Tue 09-Jun-15 07:36:22

So did she apologise and ask for contact?

Sammasati Tue 09-Jun-15 07:44:56

I hope that you put her straight.

It is sad but people will believe those that are blood, it is an easy way out than having to think and realise that a loved one is less than perfect abusive knob. Closing ranks stops them from having to look at the families dynamics.

Molly333 Tue 09-Jun-15 21:08:52

Your all right , I will let them choose if if they contact and then maybe if the see me and the children around they can feel ashamed as oppose to the making me feel bad for looking after and loving my children and leaving their abusive brother x

Jux Tue 09-Jun-15 23:27:36

I think it would be more straightforward if you were to just write to them, saying that your ex behaved like this and therefore you took the children and yourself out of harm's way, that you had not intended to deprive your children of knowing their wider family and now you know that terrible lies have been told you hope that you can all mend the relationships. Your children love their relatives and you would like to rekindle it.

Hoping to shame them isn't going to help anyone.

Molly333 Wed 10-Jun-15 18:14:42

New development today , the ex sister in law sent a letter to the children today saying she was sorry and didn't want the children to think the wernt thought about, it was really nice to see

Jux Wed 10-Jun-15 19:07:40

Ah, that's nice. Follow it up. I hope you and the children do get to build independent relationships with the family (minus ex, of course).

Laladeepsouth Wed 10-Jun-15 21:01:53

So nice to read this -- wishing for all the best to you and your children!

Chchchchangeabout Wed 10-Jun-15 21:09:39

Yes I would definitely follow up and try to build relationships for the children.

workingtoohardmum Wed 10-Jun-15 21:24:34

That is such a kind gesture towards the the children

Molly333 Wed 10-Jun-15 22:22:03

Thank you for your support, it would've so nice if the children could have some kind of family as they lost their grandparents, 2 sets of aunts and uncles and three cousins in this , that's what lies did . Time to move on xxx

goodcompany2 Wed 10-Jun-15 23:08:10

A good news story. Love it and wish you well in your re connections with family.

Noneedtoworryatall Wed 10-Jun-15 23:21:37

That is great news op! She has reached out to you so definitely follow up. Very good of her to apologise to the children and thoughtful to have written a letter.

Best of luck!

wingsflyby Thu 11-Jun-15 12:49:00

That's defo a good news story smile All the best, OP.

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