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Friend/boyfriend and holidays

(13 Posts)
Glitterbug29 Mon 08-Jun-15 18:30:50

Hi there, I'm new to the site and just thought I'd try to get some advice on a problem with my friend.

I'm 29 and my best friend (let's call her Marie) is 28. We've been best friends forever as our parents are also friends. We've grown up together and she's the closest thing I've got to a sister.

Since new year I've noticed her becoming more distant with me, one word text replies, always saying she's busy... So much so that I've only seen her twice since January when I'd usually see her every two to four weeks. I've also noticed that it's usually me who texts first.

Last week I got back from a ten day holiday with another friend (let's call her Jane) while Marie had been on a hen do abroad. Upon my return I sent a text to Marie asking about a wedding that we are both attending in the summer. She eventually replied saying she couldn't believe that was all I had to say to her after we'd both been away. I replied apologising but pointed out that she'd been distant lately so we were texting less anyway.

She then sends me a huge message saying the real reason she's been distant with me is that she couldn't believe I'd booked to go away with my boyfriend (of one year) in autumn for my 30th and that she always assumed she'd be the one going with me. We had briefly discussed that that was an option back in 2013 but nothing was concrete. The dates coincide with the distance between us. She said she thought I didn't value the friendship in the same way anymore and she couldn't believe that she didn't feature in any of my holiday plans this year when we've been lucky enough to have a holiday together every year for the past 7 years. I should add that earlier on this year she was mulling over possibly joining me and Jane on our holiday after her holiday on the hen do but it never happened.

I told her that things are going to change as of next year when my boyfriend and I move in together and money will be tight and she says I should've discussed the end of holidaying together with her.

I think this is a massive overreaction to something that was said over 2 years ago but she thinks she's being treated as the reserve option compared to my boyfriend. I should also add that she's got a boyfriend of 3 years and things aren't going so great for them in that he's refusing to commit and move in with her. Thoughts anyone please?

cleanmyhouse Mon 08-Jun-15 18:48:26

I think i remember losing friends to boyfriends and my nose being out of joint, but i was much younger.

I think shes being really dramatic and you don't have to discuss the end of holidaying together. Your life is heading in a natural progression. She should be happy for you instead of pouting.

annielouisa Mon 08-Jun-15 18:48:36

If you have gone away together every year for 7 years did you let her knowthat would not be happening this year? If not it is poor communication if you told her after you had booked it

Joysmum Mon 08-Jun-15 18:52:30

Of course it's normal for you to want to holiday with your boyfriend, but if you've been away with your friend every year up till now and changed that without warning or discussion then she's right.

Glitterbug29 Mon 08-Jun-15 18:55:07

Even though she'd been contemplating joining me and Jane last week but it never happened? To me that would've been our yearly holiday.

7amliein Mon 08-Jun-15 18:58:51

Tell her you are adults and not 5 year old children in the school playground!

annielouisa Mon 08-Jun-15 18:59:02

OP was it just you and aggrieved friend that took a yearly holiday together or did Jane or various others join you?

annielouisa Mon 08-Jun-15 19:01:24

My DD2 went away on holiday with her fiance having previously holidayed with a friend but she explained to her friend what she was doing before she booked it.

Glitterbug29 Mon 08-Jun-15 19:16:49

Annielouisa - it's been a mixture of both, sometimes it'll be just us 2, sometimes I go with her and people who are more her friends. Jane is more my friend but Marie gets on fine with her.

Melonfool Mon 08-Jun-15 19:25:50

Well, you're growing up aren't you? Apologise for not being great at communicating, tell her the friendship is important to you but that you do need to spend quality time with bf.
Maybe plan a day trip with her for your 30th?

But really, you both need to get a bit of a grip! How's this going to be panning out when you have kids?

mynewpassion Mon 08-Jun-15 19:28:02

Was marie asked to go on the trip or was she an afterthought.

Glitterbug29 Mon 08-Jun-15 20:18:07

Mynewpassion - she was asked along but hesitated as it was so close to the hen do and in the end backed out.

pocketsaviour Mon 08-Jun-15 21:32:44

I should also add that she's got a boyfriend of 3 years and things aren't going so great for them in that he's refusing to commit and move in with her.

I think this is probably very relevant. If she was asked to come on the trip but declined then it doesn't seem like you have done anything wrong. But I think she is probably worried that you'll be all coupled up and she'll be left a sad and lonely spinster (ovs not in reality! but in her mind)

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