I really loved someone when I was very young, he stopped loving me about four years into the relationship and I was devastated for years. I never saw it coming, he just popped out with it.
I had a couple of long term relationships lasting year or two with men I deep down didn't love but had the most beautiful child who lights up my life with one of them so we are now a family of two and I don't have the biological clock on me.
I then loved some again and thought that was "it" for sure. It was a great relationship and he acted like he loved me very deeply but then he jilted me right before our wedding a couple of years ago and disappeared from my life like he'd never even known me. Again, I never saw this coming.
That was a couple of years ago and I have really tried quite hard to remain positive and get out there, but i just feel so world weary sometimes like crawling under a rock.
I tried internet dating and it was okay, plenty of dates, I just feel like something is wrong with me. I think I'm quite attractive, and a lot of men try and sleep with me or ask me out. I half enjoy this and half feel disgusted.
When men compliment me, I suppose I don't really believe them. Or I half believe them in the sense I think that they think I am amazing, but i also deep down think that once they spend four years with me they will change their mind overnight - like the other two did.
Both times I really loved someone and believed completely that they loved me back, they left me unexpectedly without any pre-warning or anything to give me a hint it was coming.
I think I have started going for men who treat me badly too. I feel very alone, and don't want to but don't know what to do.
I do have a very good life, an amazing kid, great family, great friends but inside I am just so lonely. I really miss having someone to cuddle or someone to call or kiss or whatever. I also miss having someone in my life that I trusted and knew I could count on.
I know I'm approaching 40 now and I feel weary. I just wanted to vent really. I'd not really say anything to anyone in real life because they all think I am fine now after the jilting and I'd not want to bring anyone down.
I really feel for you. My own marriage ended abruptly & without notice 3yrs ago when i was 39. I never thought i would find anyone else, but i did. And now that is falling apart due to his MH issues. I too feel lonely & sad & also that i must attract the wrong kind of man. I don't know what to say/advise, but just wanted to extend a hand & let you know you are not the only one. All the best xxx