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DH left yesterday- please give me tips on pulling myself together

(7 Posts)
sparklyDMs Mon 08-Jun-15 09:29:30

My DH moved out yesterday for a trial separation. It's his choice not mine, there are a lot of issues that he wants 'headspace ' to sort out (a drink problem not being the least of it).

we've been together 24 yrs and have 3 primary age DCs. At present the DCs don't know, he often works late and it's possible to be vague about his whereabouts without raising suspicion for a while.

I'm just about holding it together in front of the DCs, but otherwise it really hurts, almost physically, and I'm trying to work from home, but I just keep breaking down. Any idea how long this bit lasts? Please can you give me any advice on pulling myself together?

AlternativeTentacles Mon 08-Jun-15 09:40:21

Can you give yourself a day off work, potter around the house and make some changes that he might have been against for a while? Or go out for a walk, put your favourite music on headphones, go to the beach/park/museum/art gallery or somewhere, eat something he doesn't like and just give yourself a bit of a break?

Were you ecstatically happy in the relationship and him dreadfully unhappy? Perhaps you need to focus on the fact that his problems are not yours for a short period of time.

sparklyDMs Mon 08-Jun-15 10:15:42

Thank you alternativeT, I think I may put work aside for a bit and go for a walk
I wouldn't have said that I was ecstatically happy lately, living with a stressed alcoholic hasn't been fun. I understand his reasons for leaving and logically he's probably right.
It's just that I need to be stronger than I feel right now.

Dowser Mon 08-Jun-15 10:18:51

Just wanted to hold your hand.

It feels like someone has ripped away half of your body doesn't it.

But yes concentrate on you and be kind to yourself . What do you want to do with the rest of your life? Treat it as its permanent.

Can you protect your finances.? Do you suspect another women.

What can you do to safeguard yourself and children if a ) this is permanent and b) there is someone else in your husbands life.

I would err on the side of caution OP and start plugging the holes in the dam with concrete.

You're going to need a backbone of steel. To get through this snow is the time to start growing it.

It wouldnt hurt to get some advice from a solicitor just in case you need it.

I was messed around for months before my ex finally admitted there was someone else and I'm not saying there is In your husbands case , just be on your guard.

Men more often than leave only when they have another billet to go too.

Do keep on posting. I wish I'd had mumsnet for my dreadfully unhappy time.

OhNoNotMyBaby Mon 08-Jun-15 10:19:55

I'm not sure you should be "pulling yourself together"! I understand you need to keep calm for the children but other than that it's totally acceptable to feel shite. This must be tremendously stressful. Try to focus on the immediate and not go down the "what if x or what if y...". One step at a time. flowers

Dowser Mon 08-Jun-15 10:20:27

Yes, a walk in nature can be such a soul booster ;-)

sparklyDMs Mon 08-Jun-15 10:38:23

Thank you Dowser, yes feels exactly like being ripped apart.
I'm pretty sure there's no OW, our finances etc are completely tied together. I'll start looking into plugging the holes.
Thank you all for hand holding :-)

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