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Found husband has cheated again

(19 Posts)
vicki2122 Mon 08-Jun-15 07:24:42

Me and my husband have been married nearly 2 years. But just after we got married I found out that he was cheating with a girl and I forgave him and then a year later he was talking to her again, I forgave him again for it but now I feel bad cos the only thing that makes me happy is the guy I'm talking to but he knows what it's like because he's married but not with he's wife cos she cheated on him that's the only reason we spoke, but now we have started to fall for each other I dont feel right doing this please help

DosDuchas Mon 08-Jun-15 07:52:25

You need to divorce.

PurpleWithRed Mon 08-Jun-15 07:57:35

Neither of you are capable of being faithful to each other. Get a divorce.

vicki2122 Mon 08-Jun-15 08:09:20

I'm not the person that started all this and I never meant to fall for someone else plus my husband won't divorce

VixxFace Mon 08-Jun-15 08:11:08

Who cares if he won't divorce you can still leave him. You both seem like you want your cake and to eat it too.

handfulofcottonbuds Mon 08-Jun-15 08:12:26

I'm not the person that started all this

Do you see that by your actions now, you are no better than him?

It's not down to your husband to give you a divorce, this is destructive and unhealthy behaviour. Separate and if you have to wait 5 years to divorce then so be it.

AnyFucker Mon 08-Jun-15 08:13:34

This one is a job for JK

vicki2122 Mon 08-Jun-15 08:18:45

I came for help not to be judged

DosDuchas Mon 08-Jun-15 08:19:43

Well we told you. Get s divorce. It's hopeless

inaboxwithafox Mon 08-Jun-15 08:21:48

Move out, move on. Grow up. Decide who you want to be with before you commit. There must be single men you could make friends with? Is dragging another marriage into the equation helpful? All this seems to be happening so quickly...two years and he's cheated twice and you've started an emotional affair with a married man. What a mess. Why don't you move out by yourself if you can, get some head space and find out what it is you want from your life. You can't stay with your husband, that is clear.

inaboxwithafox Mon 08-Jun-15 08:23:58

What help can we possibly give you? We've told you that it's best to get divorced/not stay with husband. If you need help with details of divorce post a thread on legal issues.

Do you honestly think you can salvage a relationship with your husband? Is that what you want?

TheUnwillingNarcheska Mon 08-Jun-15 08:29:28

The fact that you both turn outward towards other people to stroke your ego or whatever it is you get from the person you are not married to, means there is no hope unless you and your dh sit down and confront why you need to do it.

What are you both not providing for each other? The thrill?

Until you resolve that there is no point staying married. And at 2 years into a marriage, this is doomed to fail.

worldgonecrazy Mon 08-Jun-15 08:33:17

Your husband is shagging around because you have given him permission to by "forgiving" him.

No one is judging you, but bluntly, your marriage is built on lies and infidelity. Only you can decide if you are happy to live for the next 50-60 years in that situation. Personally I would get out now. Your emotional support and the stuff that makes you feel good should come from your husband, not someone else's husband.

You might want to discuss whether you want to remain married but in an open relationship (not easy but plenty of people do manage it), or whether you want to strike out on your own and find someone who has the same attitude to fidelity as you do.

Good luck, whatever you decide. Personally I prefer openess and honesty to lies and deceit, but it's your marriage, not anyone else's, so you are the one who needs to decide.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions Mon 08-Jun-15 08:34:29

You weren't wctually being judged, you were just being told to divorce. No judgement you've said yourself you aren't happy. The fact your falling for another man shows your not actually going to be happy with your husband.

You might not have started it but you falling for someone else isn't going to make it better is it?!

You want help, get a divorce! That's the advice

Isetan Mon 08-Jun-15 08:40:53

You needed your H's permission to marry him, you don't need it to separate and/ or to divorce him.

I'm sorry that your H has treated you so badly but it isn't a justification for behaving poorly yourself. Becoming a liar and a cheat will not improve your situation but will probably make it worse, (just imagine the moral high ground he will desperately scramble for when he finds out).

Cut ties with the OM and tell, not ask, your H that you relationship is over and then begin proceedings to make it official.

Your H is a lying cheat and you can't change that but you do have the choice as to how you respond to his baviour.

Finola1step Mon 08-Jun-15 08:41:34

You have been married for such a short amount of time. Get out now while you can. He does not get to decide if you leave him. That's your decision and yours alone.

If you do decide to stay, what are the steps that he is prepared to take to make the marriage work? Can you list any?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 08-Jun-15 09:25:24

You and your H have got the rest of your lives to be happy just not with each other. It gets more complicated if you get pregnant. Take a long look at whether you have a chance together. If the cracks started showing almost as soon as you got back from honeymoon this is all fake.

thelonggame Mon 08-Jun-15 09:35:03

In the long run it will be better for you emotionally if you can stop seeing/talking to the OM. Wait until you are free before starting another relationship (at least going through the process and fully separated from husband).
Talk to your husband, neither of you are happy if you are both looking outside of the marriage - so why stay together? If you start divorce proceedings it's unlikely he'll fight it once he realises that you are serious.
flowers be kind to yourself, it must such a stressful life for you at the moment.

pocketsaviour Mon 08-Jun-15 11:47:48

Do you love your husband? Do you want to stay married? Would an open relationship work better for you both, or are you addicted to the drama of sneaking around and lying?

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