Why do I get anxiety

[Holly19900]

So from my previous thread about my ex...

I've come to realise something. When I meet someone new and get into a relationship/start getting intimate I turn into this weird paranoid woman! I don't know what comes over me. I end up checking through Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. You name it and I'll be on there searching for any reason to convince myself that the person I'm seeing isn't 100% honest but deep down I never find anything.

I don't know why I'm like this and frankly it drives me insane and I hate it. I get really bad anxiety and I feel as if this is why relationships never work out for me because I get so insecure. (Negativity breeds negativity)

I always try to remain positive but it's hard. I've had a string of bad relationships that never seem to last any longer than 4-5 months. I've tried to be single and get on with my life but something always ends up happening and I meet someone and I fall into that trap again.

Cutting to the main part I've recently met someone again and he is SO keen but I've started being paranoid again and I feel my anxiety kicking in all the time :( I feel like I'm abnormal and I don't like it. I wish I could just trust men but I feel that previous relationships have ruined all that for me

Anyone got any advice?

[pallasathena]

Do you think you could be overthinking things? I know myself that when you've been through some bad experiences they settles themselves into your psyche and you can end up expecting things to go wrong, so you keep constantly checking up, obsessing about what he said, what he did, what it all means.

Its a self preservation tactic really, to get into the negative expectation cycle. Perfectly natural when you've been through the mill with a previous relationship. But you have to move past this and raise the bar.

What I would suggest is a bit of mindfulness. What I mean, is consciously telling yourself that you have as much right as the next person to be happy, to be treated well, to expect honesty, courtesy and to be treated with dignity in all your relationships. If you're not, then get out now. If you are, then that's wonderful.

When you set yourself these boundaries, other people usually respond in a similar fashion. What you're presenting, understandably at the moment, are quite needy, unconfident, negative personality traits. You have to respect yourself enough to say that you can trust your own judgement. If it works out great. If it doesn't, move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea sweetie.

One survey I read recently said that the top character trait men like in women is confidence. Go for it!

[pocketsaviour]

I've tried to be single and get on with my life but something always ends up happening and I meet someone and I fall into that trap again.

Can you expand on this? I'm having a hard time working out how you're managing to accidentally fall into relationships. It certainly sounds like you'd be better off single at the moment until you can address your insecurities.