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If you have AS dh how do you and your children cope?

(10 Posts)
happyplayinghappy Sun 07-Jun-15 12:08:00

Not sure whether to put this thread in Relationship or Separation. As for a couple of years we haven't shared the same house. Sorry to say I feel less lonely since I moved out with my kids. For several years I suspect my dh has (maybe minor) asperger syndrome. He doesn't seem to be able to share anything or feelings or very little. He has no friends but only know people from work or charity work type environment. My kids don't have much to do with him they love him but just don't have a relationship with him. I used to think he s selfish but gradually I believe there s more to his behaviour. I think he has AS. Should I tell my kids? Do you have similar sort of experience? How did or do you manage?

happyplayinghappy Sun 07-Jun-15 12:10:36

We want to love him but finding it very hard.

happyplayinghappy Sun 07-Jun-15 16:35:17

No comment !

nozzz Sun 07-Jun-15 16:49:54

Hasn't been updated in a while, but maybe worth posting on this thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1895052-Support-for-partners-of-those-with-Aspergers-Syndrome-suspected-or-diagnosed

sanfairyanne Sun 07-Jun-15 16:53:16

apparently its really common nowadays for women to 'self diagnose' their menfolk as having aspergers. maybe he is just selfish? does it make it easier to think of his behaviour as not being 'his fault' as it were? no harm in that i suppose but even if he did have aspergers, it would not excuse selfishness

PeppermintCrayon Sun 07-Jun-15 17:02:16

My dad almost certainly has Aspergers and treated me like absolute shit due in part to utter mind blindness / lack of theory of mind. I wish someone had talked to me about it. Or noticed. I think he would also have had a better life if he had been diagnosed.

hedgehogsdontbite Sun 07-Jun-15 17:02:56

My DH has AS. The one word I would never ever use to describe him is 'selfish'. He's the most selfless person I've ever met. In fact I don't know anyone with AS who could be mistaken for selfish. It's a lazy, innacurate stereotype. Maybe your DH is just an arse.

PeppermintCrayon Sun 07-Jun-15 17:03:56

My dad was the most selfish person I've ever met. It's not all roses. Hiding thread now.

hedgehogsdontbite Sun 07-Jun-15 17:23:32

People with AS can be selfish just like NT people can be selfish. But being selfish is NOT a characteristic of AS. It a characteristic of some humans. This 'he's so selfish, maybe he has AS' mindset is ignorant and bloody offensive to people who do have AS.

happyplayinghappy Mon 08-Jun-15 10:52:44

"does it make it easier" ...... yes it does. If we know my dh has AS then we/I can begin to learn about his condition rather than keep complaining about him being inconsiderate and selfish. So we are in a better position to find ways to communicate with him. E.g. written communication instead of verbal communication so writing notes to him will be more effective than talking to him. I believe it s important for his dcs to know so they can develop a better relationship with him.

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