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tips on how to keep going with this divorce when sometimes want to give up

(4 Posts)
conway Sat 06-Jun-15 22:23:58

It's been 9 months since I filled for divorce and feel like just want it over with.
We still live in the same house( me in the spare room) . Divorce Nissi has come through but no further forward with finances as waiting for acturies report.
It is so hard for everyone and we have been good about not arguing infront of the boys. ( 14 and 9) but keeping all these emotions bottled up is making me ill. The boys know we are leading seperate lives.
I feel that all I do is work and then I dread weekends as we all have to be in the house together.
Finances are hard too especially with all the legal fees so feel I can't spend too much money.
Sometimes I think I should go on a dating site but don't think anyone would want me at 49.
PLease give me your divorce tips.

Anniegetyourgun Sun 07-Jun-15 09:25:20

One foot in front of the other. You're on the last leg now. Is there something you can do to get out of the house? Agree with your ex (I think legally he does count as ex now, it's just the financials that need tying up) that one of you goes out on Saturday and one on Sunday - on your own or with the boys - just to give the other one some space? I'm glad to hear you're able to behave in a civilised way; XH and I were snipping at each other until the day we moved out.

I suggest you don't go out of your way to look for dates just now, as you need all the emotional energy you have to get the divorce out of the way. Then you can relax in your own space and start looking around. Shouldn't worry too much about your age, as there are divorcees and widowers coming onto the market at any age and if they're all holding out for 25-year-olds most of them will be disappointed! At least some will be looking for a life companion in a similar age bracket as themselves, as you are more likely to want similar things out of life and "click" with stuff like cultural references. (It's not the same, but I worked in an office recently where most of the staff were approximately my age whilst a few were a lot younger. The subject of an old programme or advert would come up and we old 'uns would quote the punchline, sing the theme or talk about the actors, while the young ones would stare at us blankly. These silly little things make a huge difference with bonding.)

conway Sun 07-Jun-15 16:06:13

Thanks, feeling a bit better now! Just so tired of it all.No wonder so many people don't divorce as it is so hard.

Dowser Sun 07-Jun-15 17:04:06

It is hard. Ours took 2 years and cost us each about 7.500k . His probably more. I dreaded letters on the mat as I knew they were costing me more money.

You're nearly there. The end is in sight. Just power through it.

Mine eventually moved out and it was a blessed relief .

Summers here. Take the kids out and get out of the house.

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