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DH is out with OW tonight

(48 Posts)
TheWhiteFlag Sat 06-Jun-15 20:07:42

We're in the process of separating, but due to financial issues we still live together. I feel lonely and weepy. I don't know what I want from this thread. Hand-holding I guess. sad Feel so very down and so, so lonely. Can't go to see friends as I have to look after the children tonight, so I'm stuck here on my own behind a laptop.

tribpot Sat 06-Jun-15 20:11:05

So next Saturday night you'll go out whilst he stays in with the children? Could friends come to you? (Not tonight perhaps but next time).

Do you have things to distract you? Netflix?

Shadow1986 Sat 06-Jun-15 20:11:38

That's horrible poor you.

Make sure you get a night out next weekend, he can stay in with the children. You can get dressed up and go for cocktails. Best thing to do when you feel lonely is to push yourself to be sociable, even if it's not what you feel like doing.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 06-Jun-15 20:11:47

Hand holding from me flowers, sorry op, it must be very tough.

LizzieVereker Sat 06-Jun-15 20:12:07

Oh I am sorry, that must be terribly hard. Do you have a friend who might be able to come and keep you company? When do you think you will be able to separate properly? Perhaps that will make the situation easier in a way. How are your DC?

Sorry for all the questions, just trying to chat to keep you company. Obviously don't answer if you don't want to. flowers

TheWhiteFlag Sat 06-Jun-15 20:13:20

I'm sat here crying and I feel panic-stricken. I'm scared by my body's response. It wouldn't have been so bad if he had warned be but he literally answered the phone then told me to put the kids to bed and left.

TheWhiteFlag Sat 06-Jun-15 20:14:59

Why do I feel so upset and sick to my stomach? My stomach is literally churning and I feel like it's harder to breathe.

AuditAngel Sat 06-Jun-15 20:15:20

Sorry, that must be really tough. When XDP and I split up we stayed living together for a little while to sort things out. We didn't have kids, but he still thought he could control what I did and where I went.

Let him know early that you'll be out next weekend (even if you sit in the pub with a book)

CMP69 Sat 06-Jun-15 20:16:10

Get dolled up and go out next Saturday, with your best fuck you face on wink

HermioneWeasley Sat 06-Jun-15 20:16:34

Sounds tough, but his hideous behaviour will mean that you won't weaken and take him back or try again. flowers

TheWhiteFlag Sat 06-Jun-15 20:18:05

Thanks everyone.

I feel so overwhelmed by the way my body is responding to this. I thought I had got my anxiety under wraps after years of suffering, but seemingly not.

Hassled Sat 06-Jun-15 20:18:11

While you're still living together, going out with the OW is just rubbing your face in it - it seems cruel. He should be treating you with some respect and consideration.

What are the financial reasons? Is there no-one's sofa he could sleep on?

tribpot Sat 06-Jun-15 20:19:00

he literally answered the phone then told me to put the kids to bed and left.

Wow. That's fucking charming. Is he coming back tonight? Could you <ahem> assume he isn't and put the chain on the door?

I think you've been putting up a good front and now you have a quiet space it's starting to bubble back up to the surface - try to let it out. Hopefully it will soon turn to anger - he's got some nerve.

ReallyNotMe Sat 06-Jun-15 20:20:51

Ahh, I have been in the same situation (without kids) years ago. It was 6 weeks before I felt up to having a night out and every weekend for those 6 weeks he would be off out with the woman he left me for.

In the end my friends dragged me out for a meal and drinks, and a wonderful, extremely handsome Irish man bought me a drink just as the ex walked into the bar. The look on his face was priceless smile

I think all you can do in these situations is take it one day at a time, keep reminding yourself that one day this will just be a memory and you will be happy again. Anything you can do to keep busy is great as it distracts you while the healing process starts.

If you can try to get out for a walk every day - I know that's easier said than done when you have kids to look after - but I found it so helpful for clearing my head and lifting my spirits.

iloverunning36 Sat 06-Jun-15 20:21:23

That's horrible, no wonder you are so upset. You are married for gods sake, he could at least be a bit more discreet. I hope you can get out next weekend with your pals or even just to a friends house for a relaxing glass of wine flowers

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sat 06-Jun-15 20:21:31

It must be tearing you apart op. Talk about them rubbing salt in the wounds.
The sooner he moves out the better, as it damaging your well being and self esteem which will have an effect on your children.
Did you split up because he went with ow or did he meet her since. Either scenario I hope to God he's not going to be bringing her back later on. I mean there's heartless nasty twunts out there but surely no one would be that insensitive.
Surely to

TheWhiteFlag Sat 06-Jun-15 20:25:18

now you have a quiet space it's starting to bubble back up to the surface - try to let it out.

I'm having a good cry - weep even.

Duckdeamon Sat 06-Jun-15 20:28:22

what a horrible way to treat you. Am sorry.

hope you can live separately soon and be away from the situation.

TheWhiteFlag Sat 06-Jun-15 20:31:59

Does anyone know any tips to cheer myself up? I've tried finding funny stuff on TV but there's nothing.

Hidingmyidentity Sat 06-Jun-15 20:33:04

You have the DCs, he is the one who has nothing. Two cheaters having a night out together, nothing to be upset about really, they deserve each other.

TokenGinger Sat 06-Jun-15 20:37:14

Something to cheer yourself up, hmmmm.

Look at a holiday for you and the DC. Better still, look for a holiday for you and your best girl friend and tell DH he's going to be having the kids whilst you get a well-needed break away!

I recommend Hotel Royal Kenz in Tunisia through Thomson for an all inclusive getaway at a cheap cost but with fantastic service and food. Xx

pigwitch Sat 06-Jun-15 20:38:53

You need to try and get him out of the house. He should be saving his money to move out of the family home not squandering his cash on his new girlfriend.

Hussarsataparty Sat 06-Jun-15 20:39:33

Hiding has it. What a charming pair they are. I think it's perfectly natural to be upset about this.

Go and look at the sleeping faces of your DC (if they're asleep, that is!). You're their champion. Look after yourself xx

withalittlebitofluck Sat 06-Jun-15 20:39:58

Where abouts are you op?
My childish head comes over me here... Prank calls? (On withheld number) locking him out, doing something to his clothes. Being stupid with his Facebook.

Sounds like you need to call a friend to bring some wine.

Hugs for you op flowers

Hussarsataparty Sat 06-Jun-15 20:40:22

Oops - meant Hiding !! Doh.

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