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First date for 30yrs advice please

(17 Posts)
pugalicios Sat 06-Jun-15 12:23:13

I have now been separated for 5 months and feel ready, I think? to start looking around. I have been asked out by a couple of men who I know but not interested in them.
Can someone talk me through how to act on a date! I haven't a clue what to wear, how to act etc I am terrified of him trying to kiss me and have this feeling that I will feel like I am cheating on my ex even though I am now single!
Also if you meet some one and click, when you feel ready do you let them come home with you? this terrifies me in case then they wont leave you alone and know where you live!
I sound insane don't I

handfulofcottonbuds Sat 06-Jun-15 12:30:41

Not insane at all smile

Wear something comfortable that you feel good in. Casual but not too casual. It's a good thing to have a 'first date outfit' that way you don't have to fret about it in the future.

Meet for lunch and if you click then arrange a dinner date perhaps.

Keep it lighthearted with no expectations, if nothing else, he might turn out to be a good friend.

You will know if it's right to have a kiss but don't focus on that. A quick peck on the cheek when you meet is fine.

Do not take him home, there is no expectation of you to do this. If he asks about your ex, keep it short, don't give too much away.

Talk about what he likes, what you like to do. If it's meant to be then the conversation should flow.

Don't drink too much wink

Good luck!!

pugalicios Sat 06-Jun-15 12:32:07

Thanks for the reply some good advice there. I will need a drink to steady my nerves though!

handfulofcottonbuds Sat 06-Jun-15 12:34:20

One wine to steady the nerves is fine wink

Smile, enjoy and have a lovely time.

pugalicios Sat 06-Jun-15 13:58:07

Thanks again. What sort of outfit would you suggest I dont really wear jeans I am more a dress kind of person

handfulofcottonbuds Sat 06-Jun-15 13:59:59

I'm a dress kind of person too!

Something pretty, a tea dress?

BrowersBlues Sat 06-Jun-15 14:07:41

Going on a date can be nerve wracking but is should also be fun. Lighten up a little bit and don't take it all so seriously.

Make the first date short i.e. coffee or a drink. If the date is awful then you can get away easily. If he is awful so what, its no big deal, move on to the next date.

Well done for having the courage to get on with your life. You are a courageous lady!

TropicalHorse Sat 06-Jun-15 14:09:14

If it's someone you don't already know (ie, if you take the plunge and try online dating!) I recommend meeting for coffee at 11am. Then if it's dire you don't need to struggle through a whole lunch/dinner but if it goes well you can casually suggest you go and grab a bite to eat. Ditto other posters re know in what you'll wear in advance and listening to your instincts! Good luck!

pugalicios Sat 06-Jun-15 14:31:47

Thanks everyone, I am far from courageous Browsers I just feel life is to short to sit home alone every night!
I know what you mean though I do need to lighten up about it all but I know I will be terrified
I have chatted to a man online and he seems really nice but I don't fancy him at all from his pic. All the others who have messaged me look like my Granddad!
I would prefer to just bump into a nice guy in a bar or something but can't see that happening

BrowersBlues Sat 06-Jun-15 14:46:21

You are so rght, life is far too short to sit at home! I wouldn't place too much emphasis on your reaction to a photograph of someone unless there are issues you can't handle i.e. crimpolene trousers, or bad grandad shoes. I have heard it said that much older men fancy their chances with women in their 30's and 40's. They are deluded!

When you are out and about chat to random people, men love it. I chat away to people when I am out and it is quite surprising how many of those conversations could be steered in the right direction if you want to. I am not going there myself at the moment because I have two teenagers who are doing my head in but I will be back!

pugalicios Sat 06-Jun-15 14:54:33

Lol might try that I am a naturally chatty person anyway. It's just hard to know who is single I would hate to accidentally chat up a man who was already taken.

Dowser Sat 06-Jun-15 15:04:15

I had my first date after 34 years. I am a naturally chatty person anyway and I loved it.

Just go to a place where there are lots of people, usual precautions and just enjoy it for what it is.

I was lucky that the second man I met made me laugh so much aNd we got on so well that we are getting married soon after being iget her 7 years.

I just wore something pretty that I felt comfortable in.

On the second date he treated me to a nice meal and on the third I cooked for him.

We still took things slowly though!

Don't worry you will soon get back in the saddle ;-)

BrowersBlues Sat 06-Jun-15 15:26:41

Dowser that is amazing, congratualtions!

springydaffs Sat 06-Jun-15 15:28:29

Just have a nice time. Friends first - you're not on show, it's not a test: if you like his company, see him again; if not, don't.

Wear whatever you like - tho to be generally respectful to him, perhaps smarten up a bit. Not so he'll like you more - it's not an interview! If it's going to go the long haul you have to be friends, so start getting to know him to see if you gel and are long-haul-friends material. Men are human, too; want love and companionship the same as we do.

Good luck op

pugalicios Sat 06-Jun-15 15:57:50

Thanks for this fabulous advice I am feeling quite excited about it all now!
Dowser did it feel strange kissing another man after all that time. I am really concerned it will feel like I am being unfaithful and I will feel guilty even though my ex is a cheat and a liar

Dowser Sat 06-Jun-15 16:12:19

It did st first...but you soon get used to it lol

We met through OD btw. I was never going to meet anyone in RL although I was open to the idea for a year. After my divorce came through I went on OD .

What's more we have a really lovely life together. And both so happy to have this second chance. We were 56 when we met. I hope we have a really good 25 years of good married life before we start to get elderly.

pugalicios Sat 06-Jun-15 21:32:24

love your attitude i am 52

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