Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

so broody in new relationship

(10 Posts)
SoozeyHoozey Thu 04-Jun-15 08:31:37

a wwyd really. I'm 35 and have a nine year old ds conceived through a one night stand. His dad is a waste of space and I cut him out for our safety early on. Raising ds alone has been so tough and I've not had many relationships. Never thought I'd have another child. however five months ago I got together with my best friend of a few years and it has been amazing. He is 33 and has no kids. He is brilliant with ds, who I know has always wanted another brother or sister. Recently I have been so Broody and really want a baby! I couldn't ignore it any more so I told my boyfriend and he says he would love a baby too. It is very soon and if I was younger I'd be in no rush but I feel like time is running out. You never know how quickly we'd conceive and I wouldn't want to be pushing 40 and wishing I'd tried sooner. We both own our own homes and have good stable jobs. I had ds in far worse circumstances and feel like if I waited forever I might never have another kid. Anyone had similar experienceS? how did it work out? Anything else I should be considering?

Lilipot15 Thu 04-Jun-15 09:10:21

Having been in two bad relationships before meeting my now DH when I was 35, I discussed my wish to have children early on in the relationship. We both wanted a family. Several months in, having discussed that it wouldn't be a disaster if I became pregnant, we became a bit less than careful with contraception, the result of which was our delightful DD, almost as soon as we decided to just see what happened! We have been very lucky in that it feels like we are the right match and as we are a bit older (most of his friends have teenagers/grown up kids) we knew what we were getting into with children. Also, the fact that we conceived very quickly (both times - I am due number two any day!) as I had been, like you, concerned about my age.
Good luck with your decisions, given that he's a friend already suggests that you have both gone in with open eyes.

Lilipot15 Thu 04-Jun-15 09:13:52

Ps sure you are considering the obvious things like how much maternity leave you would take / what would be the expectations of you on mat leave afterwards (I was worried as my DH was brought up by a mother who didn't work and I love my job and enjoyed going back after my mat leave but luckily he is very hands on with DD and in the home) / would he share parental share or consider going part-time / where would you all live / how much of an upheaval would it be for your son if you moved, eg moving schools etc....

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Thu 04-Jun-15 09:14:14

Sounds like it is going well, but maybe wait a little while? I was nearly 37 before I had DD. Just to establish your (quite new) relationship first maybe.It's not as late as you think.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Thu 04-Jun-15 09:14:54

NOT as late.

Patchworkpatty Thu 04-Jun-15 09:25:24

Discuss marriage first (especially if one of you will be doing the lions share of early years children care) if he is committed enough for marriage, he sounds committed enough for a child.

jesy Thu 04-Jun-15 09:48:28

I'd consider the following ( speaking from personal experience)

Do you live together or spend majority of time together
How a baby would affect the relationship
Would he cope with responsibility
Coping financial
Maternity leave
Impact on current life
God forbid it didn't work out , would he support you.

I'd love a child but I've been with .y partner six months but I've never had a relationship long term and I don't plan to far a head, in fact had invite to an engagement party for October my answer was we might not even be together lol
Its very early days

SoozeyHoozey Fri 05-Jun-15 15:18:33

Thanks for all the messages, lots to consider. The only thing I would disagree with in my case is the need to get married. I earn more than my boyfriend and am more asset rich (own my own house outright, whereas he has a mortgage) so I think I would only stand to lose financially from marriage rather than gain.

We don't live very far from each other and I wouldn't be willing to change much in ds's life, like school etc. He is, and always will be, my number one priority.

I do know dp very well, we were close friends a couple of years before getting together. I know that even if we split up that he would Co parent. His family are also lovely and very family orientated, so I know they would always be around for the baby.

SoozeyHoozey Fri 05-Jun-15 15:21:31

forgot to add that I'd return to work full time, would never jeopardise myself financially by working part time or giving up work. I've clawed by way up to a decent career despite having ds alone and would never give that up for ds's sake as I get no money from his dad, so we rely heavily on my salary.

BathtimeFunkster Fri 05-Jun-15 15:26:41

Sounds like you're going for it!

Good luck smile

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: