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how late is still on time?

(7 Posts)
mservi Tue 02-Jun-15 23:21:31

hello , i am new to this site, felt to share and get others thoughts since my husband's thoughts looks strange to me. We are on different ends. Wanted to know who is right.
I will ask my husband for an answer. He will not reply. I am fed up with such behavior and started saying that if i dont get answer in 48 hours i assume that you don't have interest in it. As a reply he says "i dont answer since i know that you change it anyway" very stupid/intelligent answer. Don't he understand that i changed my mind since he did not reply within expected time? should i wait until he answer? how long 15 days...or more.
how every couple does this?

goddessofsmallthings Tue 02-Jun-15 23:30:18

What type of questions are you asking him? Nuclear physics, deep space science? If not, it shouldn't be rocket science for him to come up with a reply immediately/shortly after you ask.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Wed 03-Jun-15 00:09:04

Can you give more context, please? You mentioned 15 days...are you asking about holiday plans? If he is dragging his feet and refusing to answer, that would be an answer of "no". If it is not a "yes" then it is a "no". He has already answered in a passage/aggressive way...He didn't say "no", so you can't/won't get upset because he said "no". Yet, it is not a "yes", either.

"I don't answer since I know you change it anyway" indicates to me that you may have not respected his opinion/choice at some time (maybe once? Or more?).
So he may be thinking that if his input ultimately has no bearing, then why should he bother? I am just guessing, so it may or may not be a part of the dynamic.

If the question is a life changer like "do you want children?", then that would take considerably longer to consider.
If the question is "do you want milk or juice?" Then if an answer doesn't come in about 5 seconds with me leaning into the fridge with the door open...I'll choose for him. (And it isn't like he doesn't know this question is coming! wink ).

Melonfool Wed 03-Jun-15 00:23:51

Yes, more context needed, if I asked if he wanted a cup of tea I'd have forgotten the question in fifteen days. But if I asked if we were going to get married maybe I'd give him longer.

It sounds as if he might have some trust issues if he thinks you change it anyway?

mservi Wed 03-Jun-15 01:11:14

thanks AndTheBandPlayedOn and Melonfool great replies.yes there were some situations where he made me to agree to few things forcefully. Definitely i cannot keep them.

he used to complaint about me to my family that i am not cooking, i don't take care of him.

I used to ask him did not i provide enough love to him? did not i cook for him? what all you are doing that is throwing me away from your life is that what you want? do you want me to go away from your life? since that is what going to happen if continues his behavior. recently we started living separated , He says he want to join me back...but he wants few things for sure to re-join.. when i say yes I will do that...NO ANSWER...

tallwivglasses Wed 03-Jun-15 01:17:37

Oh fgs LTB. Life's too short. Tell him to fuck off. Start having fun, it's a shit world out there, make hay, etc.

Do it mservi smile

AndTheBandPlayedOn Wed 03-Jun-15 11:56:20

I think he may be getting a sort of entertainment from making you frustrated. This is really not good. It is a kind of emotional abuse that seems superficial on the surface but runs very deep and can be hard to figure out or put into words-especially in the moment you are in the middle of it.

Since living separately, have you felt better? I bet you have had a sense if relief at not having to endure his presence.

By not responding to you, he is treating you with contempt. He won't change, but he wants you to change.

Don't go back.

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